Seven Days of Maraudery Goodness
by SlaveofStrife
Summary: April Fools Day is approaching and MWPP have set themselves a challenge: They're going to try to pull as many pranks as they can within the space of a week. The question is, can they do it without getting sprung? Harmless Marauder mischief aplenty!
1. Prologue: Original Pranksters

Prologue: Original Pranksters

It was a cold, crisp March evening at Hogwarts. Although, while the air outside was icey, inside the castle the atmosphere was warm and cheerful as the students sat, enjoying their dinner. The enchanted sky in the Great Hall that night was dark and velvety, the stars twinkling like tiny diamonds.

Not that the Marauders were taking any notice, however. Conversation amongst the four boys that night had turned to a far more relevant topic.

"You know," said Sirius thoughtfully, through a large mouthful of apple crumble. "April Fool's Day – when approached in the correct manner – can be even more satisfying than Christmas."

"Amen to that, Padfoot!" James exclaimed, plunging his spoon into his own dessert. "If there's anything better than a good haul of presents, it's a bloody good supply of Zonko products, and a castle full of gullible kids!"

He took a moment to inhale dramatically.

"Can't you just SMELL the fear on the first years already?"

Remus Lupin smiled from behind the Charms book he was skimming through.

"Don't peak too soon," he warned. "It's still a week away."

"We know that!" said Sirius indignantly, and swallowed. "It's just that we'll _need_ a whole week to start planning all the things we're going to do."

James had begun to look wistful.

"Just think of the possibilities this year, lads," he murmured dreamily. "We could set off a chain reaction of dungbombs…"

"We did that last year, Prongs," Remus reminded him, not looking up from his book. "Filch didn't like it much."

"Neither did I," Peter piped up. "I got trapped, remember?"

James snorted into his dessert.

"Oh yeah," laughed Sirius, now spooning hefty dollops of custard into his bowl. "Remind me how, exactly?"

Peter didn't seem to want to relive the moment, and fell silent, looking pained. James, luckily, was all too happy to fill in.

"We set them off in that dead-end corridor."

"Ah, that's right. Pete got stuck at the wrong end when they erupted. Classic, I can still see his face!"

"AND we wouldn't let him sleep in the dorm for a week!"

"Well, I wasn't going to have anyone smelling like dung in the same room as me!"

Peter seemed to sink lower into his chair, his round cheeks flushing red.

"It really was pretty bad, Wormtail," Sirius added, unnecessarily.

"He just has a talent for being in the wrong place at the wrong time," said James dismissively, waving his spoon around. "Anyway, if we do that one again, we'll _know_ to only try it somewhere with an easily accessible exit. For us, anyway. Right, Wormy?"

"I don't think you ought to put Filibuster Fireworks down anyone's bed again, though," warned Remus, closing his Charms book and frowning. "McGonagall was furious when you did that in second year."

"Hey," said Sirius pointedly. "It could have been worse. We could have put them down _her_ bed!"

"Now there's a thought, Padfoot!" said James, eyes glinting mischievously. "Very daring – I like it!"

"But McGonagall's not even here for the next week," Peter chimed in, somewhat sulkily. "It wouldn't do any good."

The other three stopped dead, Sirius with a large spoonful of custard soaked crumble half way to his mouth. He and James in particular were ogling at Peter as if he'd told them Zonko's were having a 50 percent off everything sale.

Peter – suddenly aware he was the centre of attention - looked worriedly between his friends.

"Why are you all staring at me? Do I have something on my face?"

"Say that last bit again," murmured James, leaning forwards.

Peter blinked his watery eyes.

"Do…do I have something on…my…face?" he reiterated, uncertainly. "Its pudding, isn't it?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. "No, you wing-nut. We mean the bit about McGonagall going away. Is she _really _not going to be here for the next week?"

"Oh!" said Peter, back on track. "Yeah, she's gone away to London. I can't even remember why. I think it was something to do with her sister. I-I'm not sure…anyway, she's not coming back until about the 2nd of April."

A delighted smile was creeping its way across James' face.

Sirius almost looked on the verge of happy tears.

"James," he said, grinning uncontrollably. "Did you hear that? Old McGonagall, the bane of our existence…the one adult forever barring the way between the four of us and absolute havoc…"

"-aside from Filch, the Headmaster, the entire Hogwarts faculty, _your parents_, the Minister for Magic-" Remus cut in, but was overrode.

"…_isn't_ going to be here for the next week," Sirius finished, with suppressed excitement. "Ohh, Merlin. This is good."

Peter's mouth was twitching into a smile. He felt incredibly proud he'd said something which had obviously pleased them.

Remus, however, seemed worried: more so than usual.

"I hope you two aren't thinking what I _think_ you're thinking."

"Moony," said James, pausing to push his round glasses up the bridge of his nose, in a business-like manner. "If you think we're thinking we should make the very most of a week without McGonagall lurking around the Gryffindor common room, preventing us from celebrating this once a year opportunity, then I think you're right."

Remus gave him a completely helpless look.

James beckoned them all closer, and he lowered his voice.

"Marauders. I am pleased to inform you that I have – just this moment – hatched a plan," he said quietly. "A little challenge for us, you might say. It's exactly seven days til April Fools, and so I want the four of us, up until then, to play as many pranks, as many tricks, as many practical jokes as we can possibly manage, without being caught – charms, jinxes, curses, hexes, you name it – we'll do it! If we can keep it up, we can end the week with a big finale on April Fools Day…and I mean big. It's got to be the MOTHER of all jokes. If we succeed, the Marauders'll go down in _prankster history_."

He paused for effect, allowing his comrades to absorb what he'd just told them. Sirius looked beside himself, as did Peter, who was always the perfect mimic. Remus appeared considerably less rapt, as if going down in "prankster history" wasn't exactly one of his life goals.

"James-" he began delicately, but his messy-haired friend paid him no attention.

"What do you say? Are we up for it?"

"Sounds like the chance of a lifetime, Prongs, me old mate!" said Sirius, rubbing his hands together. "Count me in!"

Peter wasted no time in squeaking "I'll do it!" immediately afterwards.

"Look at that," said Sirius proudly. "Petey's even brave enough to risk a repeat of the dungbomb episode from last year. That's my boy!"

All three sets of eyes now fell on Remus, who was still looking hesitant.

"Look, I don't know…" he said, nervously touching his newly acquired, glinting Prefect badge. "You know I'm supposed to be setting a good example."

"Oh, pish and tish, Rem – it'll be loads of fun," Sirius insisted. "Anyway, you forget – anonymity is the key, no one's even gonna know it's us! What else do we have an invisibility cloak for?"

"Yeah, and we've got the map," offered James, adopting a more sober tone as he tried to win Remus over. "We're covered from all angles, we'll be perfectly safe."

Remus looked around once more at their desperate, pleading faces and caved in, with a sigh.

"Well…all right," he said weakly, causing James and Sirius to let out a series of overjoyed whoops and yells, gaining them a few odd looks from nearby students. Remus imploringly tried to hush his two friends, but it didn't really have much effect. Mere seconds had passed since he'd agreed, and already a sickening sense of regret was engulfing him.

"Come on, we need to get back to the Common room to start 'plotting'!" said Sirius enthusiastically, getting up.

"First thing tomorrow," said James, doing the same. "We begin. Hogwarts won't know what's hit it."

"_Please_," Remus begged, as he and Peter also stood up and followed Sirius and James towards the doors, "_promise _me you're going to be careful about all this. If you get the four of us caught…"

He trailed off, the consequences too dire to consider.

"R-Remus is kind of right," stammered Peter. "Just because McGonagall's gone, doesn't mean the other teachers won't around to watch us."

"Oh, relax, you two," Sirius laughed, slinging his arms around them both. "Nothing's going to go wrong!"

"Exactly," agreed James, with a roguish grin.

"Let the mischief begin."


	2. Day 1, Part I: Dungbombs at Dawn

Dungbombs at Dawn

James Potter and Sirius Black crept out of the dormitories incredibly early the next morning, fuelled with excitement. It was still dark outside and at this hour, most inhabitants of the castle were still sound asleep. The two boys looked surprisingly refreshed and ready for action, considering what a late night they'd had. They were soon followed by Remus and Peter; Remus, looking anxious, and Peter, desperately trying to keep up while tottering slightly under the weight of a rather large bag he had slung over his shoulders.

All four of them had stayed up til nearly midnight, compiling a lengthy list of pranks they could play over the next seven days, each more extravagant than the previous one. Sirius had been so excited he had been practically bouncing off the walls, making harebrained suggestions for new practical jokes, and trying to come up with innovative ways to slip belch powder into people's pumpkin juice. Peter continuously giggled at every ingenious plan his friends thought of, and while he did make the odd contribution, he mainly just nodded eagerly and praised them manically when they asked his opinion. Remus, under James' instruction, rather reluctantly flicked through a few Charms and Potions textbooks for inspiration, finding some relatively simple charms they could do, and potions that wouldn't require any rare ingredients. James himself frantically scribbled down any ideas on parchment, not stopping until he was satisfied they had enough material to keep them stimulated for the entire seven days.

They had risen early, to get started on the first trick of the week. Early certainly was the key word: it was only a quarter to 6, and already the Marauders were well and truly into 'Marauder mode'.

"Don't you drop those dungbombs, Pettigrew," warned James, climbing through the portrait hole. "There's enough in there to vacate the whole castle, if they were to go off."

"Why…do we need…so many?" asked Peter, straining under the weight, his cheeks pink. "And where did you get them all?"

"Zonko's, of course," replied Sirius, as they followed James down a flight of stairs. "Where do you think? Its mine and James' secret stash - we've been collecting for ages, waiting for a chance to use them…and today seems like the perfect opportunity! Got the map, Moony?"

"…Yes," said Remus, somewhat grimly. Taking the Marauders Map out of his pocket and gently tapping it with his wand, he whispered: _"I solemnly swear I am up to no good", _and then added, "Unfortunately".

Inky lines blossomed across the parchment, detailing every nook and cranny of Hogwarts.

"Anyone about?" questioned James, drawing his own wand and whispering '_Lumos' ;_it was still slightly too dark to see clearly.

Remus peered at the map. "Not that I can see," he replied. "The Bloody Baron's lurking somewhere on the second floor…and Madam Sprout is moving around downstairs. She must be up early to check on her plants in the Greenhouses. Apart from that…no one seems to be out of the dormitories yet. We should be all right."

"Good," said Sirius jovially. "Because I haven't yet thought of a convincing story as to why we're creeping around the castle with a large consignment of dungbombs at quarter to six on a Monday morning."

Remus grimaced at the sheer jeopardy of the situation.

"Just so as you know, I don't condone this at all," he asserted.

"Going to dob us in, Moony?" James chuckled. "Get yourself a gold star?"

"Shut up," Remus growled.

Trying to tread as lightly as possible, the four set off down a long, dark corridor, walls covered with portraits of snoozing witches and wizards.

"Now, everyone remember the plan of action?" asked James. "We make our way to Filch's office, check that the coast is clear, set up a few dungbombs, _then _plant some more along the corridor, charming them all as we go."

Peter looked confused, which was not unusual. He stopped, heaving the bag into a more comfortable position on his back. "Charming them to…what?"

Sirius gave him an exasperated look.

"Honestly, Peter, you really do have dragon bogies for brains, don't you? Were you listening _at all_ last night?"

"I-I'm sorry, I just forgot!"

"For the last time, Wormtail," said James evenly. "We charm them to go off simultaneously at precisely 8 o'clock. That's when most people get up. We set them up, charm the lot, and then scarper. Its not _that_ complicated."

"I still don't see…why we need…so many," Peter panted, stumbling sideways and almost colliding with a suit of armour.

"Better to have too many than not enough," said Sirius wisely, with a wink.

"I couldn't have put it better myself, Padfoot," said James in a tone of mock sincerity.

"Quiet, both of you!" whispered Remus. He had stopped, and was looking intently at the Map. "Oh god – its Filch! He's awake, and he's heading this way!"

"James! The cloak! Quickly!" ordered Sirius, his eyes frantic.

James wasted no time in yanking his Invisibility cloak out of his bag, and gesturing for his friends to move in close, so he could drape it over the four of them. The soft cool cloth fell lightly over their heads, and they vanished…mostly. The cloak – being designed for one, and one person only – was not quite sufficient to completely cover four teenage boys.

"You can still see our legs!" Peter whimpered in horror.

"Get down! On the floor!" hissed James.

The four Marauders dropped to their knees, the cloak falling gently down around them just in time as they heard the footsteps and unmistakable heavy breathing of Mr. Filch approaching around the corner. They backed up against the wall below a painting of a badger, and crouched, stock-still in silence.

Filch came creeping into view, in his tatty old caretakers coat, hair unkempt and lank, as always, and he was carrying a bright, glowing lantern. A dusty, dark grey cat with matted fur followed at his heels, flicking its tail and sniffing the air.

Filch stopped in front of the badger painting and looked around, suspiciously.

"I have a funny feeling there's students out of bed, creeping around the corridors, Scraggles," he told his cat, absently. "I could've sworn I heard voices…_boys _voices…"

For a second, he looked directly at the Marauders. Peter let out a horrified gasp, but was quickly silenced by Remus and Sirius clamping their hands over his mouth.

Filch took a few steps forward, leering nastily.

"They won't get far…" he grinned. "Oh, they won't get far at all…come on, my sweet."

He set off again, Scraggles slinking after him. James, Sirius, Remus and Peter waited with bated breath, and didn't dare move or breath until Filch's footsteps and the light from his lantern had both faded into the distance.

James let out a sigh of relief and pulled the invisibility cloak off them, as they got to their feet.

"Bit close, eh?" he evaluated.

"Close?" hissed Remus. "Can you _imagine_ if he'd found us? We're not supposed to be out of our beds, let alone our dorms, _let alone_ our common rooms!"

"Jeez, speaking of beds, looks like someone got out of the wrong side of theirs!" teased Sirius. "Why so moody, Remus? 'That time of the month', is it?"

Remus clearly didn't find this funny.

"Hillarious, Padfoot. Excuse me for being just a _little _concerned about us all winding up in detention."

"You're doing very well so far, Moony," said James soothingly, patting him on the back. "Just remember, deep breaths if we have another run in with the law. Come on, Filch's office is just around this corner."

Sure enough, James was right. As they turned the corner, they reached a door, adorned with an emaculately polished gold plaque, reading 'Caretaker: Argus Filch'.

"Do the honours, Padfoot," said James, as Sirius drew his wand with a flourish, pointed it at the door and muttered _'Alohomora'._

The door gave a satisfying click. James and Sirius grinned.

"Shall we?" asked Sirius, in a very suave voice.

"Indeed, old chap!" said James, adopting the same tone and strutting carelessly into Filch's office.

"Tally-ho!" Sirius hooted, doing the same - Peter following eagerly.

Remus groaned; it was never a good sign when James and Sirius started with the upper-class English snob mannerisms.

* * *

Within minutes, the four of them had laced Filch's office with dungbombs (which very cleverly, upon being planted, magically camouflaged themselves to whatever they were sitting on or next to). The bombs had been shoved unceremoniously into Filch's desk drawers and cabinets, potted plants, shelves and Scraggles the cat's bed. The Marauders had since made their way out again and were busy setting them in the surrounding hallways. 

"I can't believe I'm doing this," muttered Remus in disbelief, placing a dungbomb behind a bust of Helga Hufflepuff, and putting the synchronisation charm on it with a swift wave of his wand. "I'm a house leader, yet, look – here I am, betraying Dumbledore's trust!"

"You do that once a month anyway, Remus," James pointed out. "We happen to run around with you as unregistered Animagi, remember?"

"Yeah, because _that's _not betraying his trust at all, is it?" Sirius smirked, as he planted a couple of dungbombs near a pillar. "Simply planting a few dungbombs here and there for good cheer is a lot different to running around as a werewolf in the Forbidden Forest with three of your illegally TRANSFIGURED friends. Very tame!"

"You're not making me feel any better, Sirius," said Remus flatly.

Peter suddenly scrambled back over to them from where he had been keeping watch. "I think people are starting to get up!" he whispered, pointing at the map.

"Well, we've well and truly covered Filchy's office, and the main corridor. I think our work here is done," said James, stretching, and giving his black hair an unnecessary ruffle.

"Time to go back to the common room and act completely natural," said Sirius. "Then when the clock strikes 8…sit back and watch the show!"

* * *

The Marauders instantly knew that 'Operation: Synchronised Dungbombs' had succeeded when they heard a mass of jumbled shrieks and screams from up on the third floor, while they were on their way to breakfast. Soon enough, students came hurtling down the stairs, coughing and spluttering, their faces buried in their robe sleeves in desperate attempts to avoid the foul odour from the dungbombs. A few teachers and staff members were racing the opposite way, towards the source of commotion instead of away, magicking pegs to clamp over their noses as they ran. 

James, Peter, Sirius and Remus paused at the foot of the third floor staircase. The floor above was apparently in state of absolute panic, as odd wails, groans, screeches of _"I can't breathe!!" _and the sounds of retching came floating down to them, accompanied by the distinctive whiff of freshly exploded dungbombs.

James and Sirius couldn't help but smile in accomplishment.

"A good start to the seven days of chaos we plan to inflict on this school," James evaluated, pushing up his glasses. "Don't you agree, lads?"

"Bit traumatic for Peter here, I think," replied Sirius, half sympathetically, casting a sideways glance at Peter who was looking startled. "Bringing back some bad memories is it, Wormy?"

They were silenced as one particularly upset staff member came tramping down the stairs accompanied by Madam Pomfrey, the fluffy school nurse. It was Filch, and none of the four boys had ever seen him look so livid.

"DISOBEYING THE RULES!" he bellowed, wringing his hands. "HAVING THE CHEEK TO PUT THOSE PUTRID, ZONKO, DUNG THINGS IN _MY_ OFFICE!! WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THE INSOLENT LITTLE SOD WHO'S DONE IT, _HE'LL WISH HE'D NEVER BEEN BORN!!_"

Pomfrey took his arm, willing him to calm down, and led him away as he continued to furiously shout about disrespect for staff, and arrogant teens needing a good beating.

The Marauders waited until he was out of range before they started speaking again.

"He-he sounds quite cross, doesn't he?" was all Peter could utter.

"I didn't think it possible for him to get any angrier than he did last year," said Sirius in awe. "We've done well!"

"Sirius, shut up!" urged Remus, as Professor Quinn staggered down the stairs from the scene of the crime, white-faced, clutching a handkerchief over her nose and mouth.

Professor Quinn was new to the staff. The school's walrus-like Potions Master Professor Slughorn had taken extended leave, and in his place, Quinn had arrived. She was a bitter woman; while only being 30 at most, she housed the temperament of a bossy old hag with toothache. She was slender, with thin, dark brown hair, always pulled into bun of maximum tightness, and pale hawk-ish eyes which never seemed to miss anything.

She turned them sharply on the four Marauders, who were still loitering at the bottom of the stairs.

"There's nothing to see, boys," she barked. "I suggest you cease your dallying and go immediately down to breakfast."

"Er – yes, Professor," said Sirius quickly, just as another group of students groaning in disgust stumbled down the stairs.

Quinn eyed the Marauders suspiciously and leaned forwards.

"You four wouldn't happen to have any idea who is responsible for this morning's little _fiasco_, would you?"

"Us?" spluttered Peter, fervently shaking his head.

"No," said James loudly.

Remus spied Professor Quinn's eyes narrowing to dangerous slits, and took over.

"Please, Professor – we just got here. We've been trying to find out what's going on ourselves."

His honest tone and gleaming Prefect badge seemed to win the Potions teacher over, and she relaxed ever so slightly, although her lips were still pressed tightly.

"Very well, Lupin" she snapped. "Though clearly it's none of YOUR business what's going on. I do believe I asked you to go down to breakfast, did I not?"

The four Marauders left without further ado, keen to avoid any further questioning.

"Do you think she suspects us?" asked Peter, quite alarmed.

"Nah, mate," James chuckled, not fazed by their encounter. "She's not even our Head of House, and anyway, she's new! Probably still thinks we're all sweet and innocent."

"We are, aren't we?" said Sirius, without missing a beat. "Still, nicely covered, Moony! Although, we pretty much had her under control even before you intervened."

"Is that right," said Remus, deadpan. "You three are just lucky I've always been a decent liar."

"Knew you'd come in handy," grinned James.


	3. Day 1, Part II: Troublesome Teacups

* * *

News of the dungbomb incident spread like wildfire, and by breakfast, every student- whether they had been involved or not- had heard what happened at 8 o'clock on the third floor. The Marauders tried to act casual and maintain straight faces whenever they overheard someone speak of it. Most people seemed to find it hysterical (especially the fact that the majority of bombs had been placed in Mr Filch's office), however those who were unlucky enough to be caught in the danger zone when the dungbombs went off were less than happy, and could be seen trying to spray themselves with perfume, or begging teachers to let them off lessons so as they could go and shower. Again.

James, Remus, Sirius and Peter were still bathing in their glory as they walked to the library to study.

"Dammit," said James, beaming proudly. "We. Are. Evil."

"They don't realise this is just the beginning," said Sirius, sweeping his dark hair out of his eyes. "That was just a teaser as to what's to come!"

"Exactly. The way to go, is to ease into it gently," explained James. "We'll start off relatively tame, then as the days go on, we can try out some of our more…daring…ideas,"

"Relatively tame?" repeated Remus, speaking quietly as a couple of third years passed them. "You almost killed Filch with the amount of dungbombs you put in his office. I don't think that's very tame at all,"

"Almost killed him? Ha!" Sirius let out his usual bark like laugh. "He'll be fine, I mean look at him- he's used to smelling unpleasant, I'm sure he barely noticed!"

The four of them reached the library and entered. Madam Pince glared at them over her glasses as they passed her desk, as if daring one of them to start talking in a loud voice. The Marauders knew better, and simply avoided eye contact, trying to look studious as they headed over to a desk in the far corner and sat down.

"So-so guys, what's next on the list?" asked Peter, quietly, as they got out their books

"Hey, you're eager," observed James. "I left the list up in our dorm…but from what I can remember, we have _a lot _of options,"

"Hey I know!" said Sirius gleefully. "Let's do the one where we bewitch Professor Kettleburn's blackboard to read what an ugly old toad he is!"

Peter tittered annoyingly.

"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed, earning him an icy glare and a "SHH!" from Madam Pince. He lowered his voice. "You can't do that! What if you get caught?"

"Come off it, we won't get caught- we're the Marauders!" said James haughtily, puffing up his chest.

Remus decided it was pointless to argue with James' logic.

"I just think it's a bad idea," he concluded. "I don't think you should get yourselves into anymore trouble- you might get expelled this time!"

"You sound just like my mother," said James warmly.

Remus rolled his eyes and stood up, leaving the table to go and get a book.

"What's up with him lately?" asked Sirius, looking confused. "He used to be fine with us wreaking a bit of havoc- hell, he even used to join in!"

"Prefect syndrome," replied James sadly. "He'll get over it."

"_SHHH!"_

The Marauders looked over to see Madam Pince staring at them angrily from her desk, her lips pursed.

James gave the others a look of disbelief.

"I wasn't even talking that loud!" he hissed.

"How are we supposed to achieve a 'happy learning environment' if miserable old bats like her are always on at us to shut up?" whispered Sirius in reply, opening his book and pretending to read.

"Yeah, that wasn't fair at all, James," murmured Peter. "I really don't like Madam Pince,"

"Who does," grumbled James.

However, suddenly, he stopped pouting, and looked up from his work. A familiarly mischievous grin crossed over his face.

"Hang on," he said softly, as he reached inside his robes for his wand.

Sirius slowly looked up, and instantly knew his friend was up to something.

"James?" he asked, unable to stop himself smiling. "What are you…?"

James raised a hand to silence him.

"_Watch this,"_ he mouthed, wiggling his eyebrows.

With a quick flick of his wand in the direction of the shelves near Madam Pince's desk, a big red book from one of the top shelves suddenly, without warning, toppled out and fell to the ground. It made a decisive _slapping_ sound as it met the cold stone floor, echoing throughout the silent library.

Madam Pince jumped, startled at the sudden noise, and peered over her desk at the book which had fallen. She reached for her wand and was just about to cast a spell to send the book back to where it came from, when James gave another subtle wave of his own wand, this time towards the Charms section, resulting in a selection of thin books on Levitation to come falling off the shelf in a papery flutter.

Sirius sniggered.

James looked pleased.

Madam Pince did not. In one swift move, she had stood up and swept around to the front of her desk, eyes darting frantically around the room.

The Marauders tried to look nonchalant as she glanced over in their direction.

Hiding behind his book, Sirius watched as Madam Pince ducked her head down one of the aisles to see if the culprit was in there. He nodded quickly at James to signal it was safe, and James this time pointed his wand at a large, thick, leather bound book in the Defence Against the Dark Arts area- he gave his wand a flick and the book promptly toppled off the shelf, and fell to the floor with a thud next to Remus, who gasped, looking thoroughly shocked. He spun around just as Madam Pince emerged, glaring at him, and the book which lay on the floor just along from him, open to a page about Grindylow plagues in Northern Ireland.

"I-I-I didn't, it wasn't me!" he stammered.

Madam Pince was about to reply when another large book slid off the shelf on Remus' other side. Pince's eyes flew to this newly fallen volume, her temper noticeably rising.

By this time, Sirius had his head buried in his textbook, his shoulders trembling with silent laughter, and Peter had gone bright red in the face, trying desperately not to burst into giggles.

Remus shot back to his seat as Madam Pince approached the bookshelf and examined it closely. Another few books tumbling out of the Potions section distracted her, and she whirled around to look, just as several fat Spells and Enchantments dictionaries flopped out of their places to her left, and no sooner had she turned to them; an enormous, ancient History of Magic book came plummeting down from where it stood atop a cupboard.

James knew he was getting help from someone now- and sure enough he saw that, through his desperate efforts to stop laughing, Sirius too had drawn his wand and was assisting him in the devious deed.

Madam Pince didn't seem to know where to head first. Random books were now falling off their shelves left, right and centre.

The Marauders weren't the only ones who were fighting the giggles- a group of second years were finding the mystery of the falling books to be very funny indeed, and there were even a couple of seventh years studying at a table that found seeing Madam Pince so flustered rather amusing.

Peter, by this time, had sank from his chair to the ground, in stitches. Even Remus pretended to be shuffling papers, in order to hide his smile.

After a very carefully sorted, pristine collection of Gilderoy Lockhart's novels came crashing off the shelf to the dusty floor, Madam Pince had clearly had enough. She gave an immensely frustrated sigh and stopped in front of the Herbology section.

"I would ask whoever is responsible for all of this to kindly step forward _now, _and if they can do so in a sensible, mature manner, then I am willing to-"

But no one ever found out what Madam Pince was willing to do, as the last of her words were drowned out as she was knocked off her feet by a waterfall of Herbal Encyclopaedias cascading off the shelf above her and onto her head.

This was too much for the students.

The two seventh years howled with laughter, falling forward on their desks, and the second years all burst into fits of hysterical giggles.

James and Sirius both grinned, and simultaneously complimented each other.

"Nice one, Prongs!"

"What do you mean?" asked James, puzzled. "I thought you did that,"

Sirius shrugged.

"Wasn't me," he said simply.

"Then who…?"

Remus grinned sheepishly and held up his own wand.

"I couldn't resist," he admitted. "I can't stand being told to shut up by her,"

Sirius and James looked at him in utter admiration for a second, then laughed.

"That's the spirit, Moony!" said James, happily.

The look on Madam Pince's face as she staggered to her feet was priceless. She was positively fuming, but seemed to be a little out of it, after being hit in the head with at least 10 hardcover titles- her eyes looked slightly crossed and she was having trouble standing upright. Her usually neat hair was tousled and her glasses sat askew on her thin, pointy nose.

"I demand to know who's responsible!" she said dizzily, tottering sideways a little. "No one leaves this library until the perpetrator is caught! Do you hear me??"

Ignoring the teary wails from the seventh years, clutching their sides, and the site of the second years falling out of their seats with laughter, Madam Pince desperately tried to regain her dignity by furiously attempting to stuff the books back in by hand- but to no avail, as she was once again battered by an assortment of paperbacks tumbling off the higher shelves. She gave a furious shriek, as she was swamped to the ground by the flood of falling books.

The bell signalling the end of lesson sounded, and the other students left hurriedly, still laughing. The Marauders also stood up and exited as quickly as possible, James sending one final book to fall down on Madam Pince's head as they dashed out through the door.

"_Peeves!!_" they heard her howl. "If that's you, then I order you to stop this nonsense at once! PEEVES!!"

But alas, no one answered Madam Pince's angry screams, especially not Peeves. The guilty party were now haring off down the corridor, still laughing, their sides aching, and thinking to themselves, with delight, that the first day of April Foolery wasn't even over yet.

* * *

With two successful pranks down, and many to go, the Marauders felt they were somewhat on a roll. They spent lunch time sitting down by the lake as per usual, talking amongst themselves and trying to come up with some more ideas for jokes, but hastily changed the topic to favourite Quidditch teams each time someone passed by them. The four of them had a Theory lesson of Charms after lunch to study for upcoming exams, which, after all the excitement of the mornings events, seemed a bit of an anticlimax. It was about half way through the lesson that James and Sirius couldn't take it anymore- they were itching to do something, but didn't know what.

James (who had been absently trying to balance his quill on its nib for the past 5 minutes), waited for Professor Flitwick to turn his back on his quietly studying pupils, and leaned back in his chair to Sirius who was sitting at the desk behind him. He seemed equally bored, and was slumped forward at his desk, looking half asleep.

"Hey, Padfoot," James whispered. "What lesson have we got next?"

"Transfiguration," said Sirius gloomily. "Looks like that's gonna be dull as dishwater, too- I overheard Kettleburn saying he was going to substitute us, because McGonagall's away- we're going to be doing revision for stuff we learnt in second year, apparently!"

"Like what exactly? If its really easy stuff that we're already good at, maybe we could just not turn up?" proposed James.

"Well, I thought I heard him mention something about teacups…we're probably doing that one where we transfigure them into tortoises or something," replied Sirius.

"Oh, thrilling," said James sarcastically. "Unless we find some way to make it…fun…"

Sirius slowly began to smile.

"Wait…I have an idea," he said, and was about to tell James exactly what it was when the two of them were interrupted.

"Mr Potter and Mr Black!" said Flitwick suddenly. James and Sirius jumped, startled. "Would you kindly lower your voices and proceed with your _own_ work?"

"Sorry, Professor- Sirius here was just explaining something to me," lied James. "About…er…Cheering Charms!"

"Very well- but please do so a little more quietly!" Flitwick pleaded.

James turned back to Sirius, who spoke to him very softly.

"Look, I'll explain in a minute- but we'll need to leave now, if we're going to do it. We need a reason to get out of here early,"

James thought for a moment. Then he grinned.

"I know," he said, and looked over to Remus, who was absorbed in his Charms text book, frowning slightly as he read. "Psst! Hey, Remus!"

Remus looked over and raised his eyebrows questioningly. James leaned over.

"We need to get out of here to…organise something. We'll tell you outside- we just need you to make an excuse to Flitwick so the four of us can leave!"

Remus looked puzzled.

"Me? What kind of excuse?" he asked warily.

"Tell him you're feeling ill," said Sirius. "And that we need to take you to the Hospital Wing. Yeah?"

Remus shook his head.

"I can't do that! Why can't one of you do it?"

"Oh come on Remus, because it'll sound convincing coming from you!" said James, being careful not to speak too loudly. "All the teachers know your 'situation'- they always let _you_ leave when you're sick!"

"Maybe that's because they know I'm not faking it?" suggested Remus, lightly.

Sirius waved this aside.

"Flitwick'll believe you! You're an excellent liar! No offence," he added, quickly.

Remus sighed heavily.

"All right, I'll do it- but you have to back me up," he said, standing up.

James and Sirius both grinned, also standing up.

"Come on Peter," said James, hauling their other friend out of his seat. "We're going,"

Utterly bewildered, still holding his quill, Peter didn't ask questions, and instead, merely nodded obediently.

"Just don't say anything until we're out of this room," ordered Sirius as they followed Remus down the aisle to the front of the class.

Flitwick noticed them approaching.

"Can I help you, boys?" he asked.

James and Sirius looked at Remus encouragingly.

"Oh," said Remus, attempting as best he could to look 'under the weather'. "Er- its just- I'm not feeling very well, and was wondering if I could go to the Hospital Wing,"

"Not feeling well, Mr Lupin?" asked Flitwick, sympathetically, seeming to understand. "Oh, well, by all means- of course you may. Yes, go ahead, go and get a bit of rest,"

"C-can we go with him, Sir?" asked James gingerly, attempting as best _he_ could to look 'angelic'.

Flitwick's expression hardened slightly.

"All three of you?" he squeaked, looking around at Sirius and Peter. "That's a little unnecessary, isn't it, Mr Potter?"

"Please, Professor?" Sirius begged. "In case he…er…faints, along the way, or-or like, throws up, or something!"

Remus threw Sirius a contemptuous glance.

"Oh, w-well, in that case," said Flitwick, looking a tad taken aback. "If you rather they accompanied you, Mr Lupin,"

"Oh, yes," Remus nodded. "That's fine,"

"Very well," said Flitwick. "Go on then, boys,"

"Thankyou, Professor,"

The four returned briefly to their desks to pack up, and then left the classroom with their bags as quickly as possible.

"See? That was easy!" said James. "Told you he'd believe it, coming from you,"

"Well, he couldn't really say no, not after Sirius told him I was liable to either pass out or vomit," said Remus, raising an eyebrow.

"Hey it worked, didn't it?" retorted Sirius. "And now we're free! Come on, we have to be quick!"

Peter, meanwhile, looked completely baffled.

"Quick?" he repeated. "What, to get to the Hospital Wing? Are you really that ill, Remus?"

James groaned.

"You great, gullible twit, Pete," he said, whacking him over the back of the head with his hand. "That was just a cover up to get us out of class!"

Peter rubbed the back of his head, wincing and pausing to think for a moment.

"Ohh!" he said in realisation. "So-so he _isn't_ sick?"

Sirius slapped a hand to his forehead in exasperation.

"Its all right, Peter- I'm as fine as I ever am," said Remus tiredly.

"I don't know how you can have so much patience with him, honestly," said Sirius. "Come on- we haven't got much time,"

He fleetingly glanced up and down the hall.

"Follow me, lads," he said gallantly. "We're going to do some serious teacup tampering!"

* * *

Moments later, Remus, Peter and James were creeping stealthily into the empty Transfiguration classroom behind Sirius. Professor Kettleburn didn't seem to be about yet, but he had obviously been in- a large tray of teacups sat on the front desk, clearly for the 5th Years to use in their last lesson.

"Aha," said Sirius, crossing over to the cups, his wand drawn. "See? Just as I said,"

"Care to tell us what you're planning, Black?" asked James, watching him curiously.

Sirius selected a teacup at random and held it at arms length, examining it carefully.

"Well," he said. "It's a simple charm. My old Uncle Alphard did it once at a dinner party, years ago, when I was about 9…it was a tremendous laugh. Well, I thought so, anyway…the hosts didn't, for some reason,"

He pushed his hair out of his eyes and pointed his wand- he then gave the cup a gentle tap and spoke an incantation under his breath. A faint red glow pulsed around it for a moment or two, and then, before their very eyes- a horizontal crack began to form around its middle. Above it, the cup fashioned itself two beady black eyes, which blinked a few times, before the crack opened into a wide, uneven mouth, baring rows of sharp pointy teeth.

James, Remus and Peter stared, fascinated, watching the teacup hopping angrily around in the palm of his hand

Sirius turned to his awestruck friends, and said to them, in his best evil voice: "Its _alive!"_

"BRILLIANT, Padfoot!" James cried, looking beside himself. "Oh, Transfiguration is going to be a lot of fun today!"

"Right, possessed teacups, now I've seen it all," said Remus. "I hope they're not too dangerous, Sirius,"

"Nah," said Sirius, looking at his teacup rather fondly. "They're no worse than those nose-biting ones you get in Zonko's. Same sort of thing, you know. Quite harmless, really,"

The little teacup emitted the sort of growl one would expect to hear from a tiny dog, or a particularly angry hamster, launched itself at Sirius' arm and sank its teeth into his robes.

"OW! Get off, you little-"

"Sirius, quickly! People are going to be here in a minute!" Peter said, looking nervously at the door behind them. "Do the rest of them before anyone gets here!"

"All right, all right, Wormtail. You can't rush a genius, you know," said Sirius, with an air of arrogance. He wrenched the grumbling cup off his arm by its delicate little handle and gave it to James to hold while he this time pointed his wand at the whole collection of cups, and repeated the process. Sure enough, they momentarily glowed red, then developed the same angry black eyes and cracked mouths as the first one had, and started growling amongst themselves, gnashing their tiny china teeth.

James placed the original cup back with its friends, careful not to get any of his fingers torn off in the process, and Sirius covered the lot with a black cloth lying on the desk.

"They calm down in the dark," he explained. "Its just when you start poking them with wands and picking them up that they get a little angry and start nipping,"

"How perfect," beamed James. "I hope one of them bites miserable old Kettleburn on the backside. That'll make my day,"

The four of them exited the classroom and stood around outside for a minute or two, acting natural, only going back into the classroom after the bell had rang, and other 5th years in their class began filing in. The four Marauders took their usual seats near the back of the class, and waited, in anticipation, for the fun to begin.

Kettleburn entered as well before long. He was a fairly elderly wizard, with wispy white hair and little round glasses so thick it was difficult to see his eyes at all. As per usual, he was sporting some sort of beast related injury, due to his Care of Magical Creatures teaching position- today it was an unusual gash on his cheek.

"Good afternoon, class," he said in a rather dull, wheezy voice. "Now, Professor McGonagall, as you may have heard, is on important business in London for the next week, and so I will be substituting this class until her return,"

Some of the students who didn't know this groaned softly. A week with Professor Kettleburn was bound to be boring.

He clearly didn't hear anything, and continued on.

"As I am no Transfiguration expert, and due to the upcoming exams, I have organised with your Professor for you to do some revision. For today's lesson, I have brought along some teacups…"

James tried had to try to pretend he was coughing to hide his laughter.

"Will you two stop grinning like that?" whispered Remus strictly. "You're going to give yourselves away!"

Sirius was fighting a losing battle, and had to half cover his face with his hands as Kettleburn reached over to the tray and whipped off the black cloth. The teacups seemed fairly still, but to the trained eye- or someone who knew something was up- they were quivering very slightly.

"I will hand out one of these to each of you," Kettleburn drawled, picking up the tray and taking out a cup one at a time, giving them to his students. "For you to practice some basic transformations- for instance- tortoises. If you have any trouble, I-"

The impending chaos began when Davey Gudgeon, a Hufflepuff student in the front row, gave an unexpected yelp of pain.

"Sir!" he wailed, standing up. "My t-teacup, sir! Its biting my finger, Sir!!"

Peter slumped forward into his desk, burying his head in his arms, giggling. James and Sirius exchanged the most fleeting of glances. The rest of the class, highly intrigued, stood up to get a look at Davey- sure enough, his floral teacup was growling viciously and gnawing on his finger. It wasn't long before a curly haired Ravenclaw, Ella Ackerly also gave a shriek, as both her and her neighbours cups latched themselves up onto two locks of her hair. Behind her, Brian Baddock- a rather daft Slytherin- fell off his chair in shock as his own teacup made a leap for his nose.

The other cups in the tray, sensing something was wrong, began chinking and tinkling amongst themselves

"What the devil-??" Kettleburn sounded frantic. "These ruddy cups are cursed! Right! That's the very last time I trust that Mundungus Fletcher to get me anything cheap!"

Another few teacups snarled viciously and leapt for Kettleburn, who tumbled backwards, the tray slipping from his hands and the rest of the cups bouncing to freedom, their beady black eyes glistening with glee.

For the next 5 or so minutes, the Transfiguration room fell into absolute pandemonium. Students scrambled to get out of the way as a sea of biting teacups sank their porcelain teeth into ankles, elbows, and whatever else they could reach. Many of the girls were screaming, falling over desks and chairs trying to get away- and several people were howling in pain, with particularly nasty cups chewing on their ears or ripping into their hair. Teacups were flying thick through the air, as students forcefully detached them from their clothing, or skin, and hurled them out of the way- many of them smashing against desks or walls.

Amidst the cries and shrieks and sound of shattering china already filling the air, Emmeline Vance, a friend of Lily Evans, let out a particularly bloodcurdling scream as about 4 teacups attached themselves to her arms, and Hamish Nettles- who was always seen as one of the largest, strongest boys in the year- screamed even more hysterically than Emmeline had, as he went running past, a brutal china cup biting fiercely into his backside.

The Marauders hid behind their desks, in an attempt to avoid the bedlam.

"Oh, this is good," Sirius cried, narrowly avoiding a teacup that went flying past his head. "If only old Uncle Alphard could see this!"

"We could make a fortune out of these, selling them to students!" said James. "I can see it now! 'Entertain your friends at dinner and other social functions with our wide range of Ferocious Tableware!'"

"What, 'Buy now and get a free rabid tea kettle'?" asked Remus, sarcastically. "I don't think anyone in this room is ever going to want to see or use a cup again, James!"

Things above the desks were getting wild now. Some students were clambering atop cupboards and chairs in fear, others were still hollering madly, cups clamped on their noses.

Just at the point where things couldn't get any worse, who should come rushing into the room but Mr Filch and his cat, Scraggles. Filch took one look at the scene and couldn't seem to fathom what had happened. He saw Kettleburn past some screaming students, thrashing wildly about as several teacups sank their teeth into his legs.

"What in Merlin's name is going on in here??" asked Filch, his eyes wide.

"The flipping crockery's gone berserk!" bellowed Kettleburn unnecessarily.

Filch was about to answer when Scraggles let out an ear splitting howl- he looked down to see his poor cat under assault by a troupe of teacups. Bending down to help was certainly a big mistake. No sooner had he done that, 3 snarling cups flung themselves at Filch's long, lank hair, in a surprise attack, and brought him down to the ground.

"GET-OFF-OF-ME!" he yelled, one cup perched victoriously on his head. "BLOODY HOMICIDAL MUGS!"

James realised rather suddenly, that with the fact that they were the only four in the classroom not under attack, it was beginning to look a little suspicious.

"I think we'd better make a getaway!" he said to his friends. "I'm sure now that Mr. Filch is here, they'll be able to sort things out amongst themselves,"

Filch was still rolling around on the ground, clawing at his hair, trying to break the teacups grip.

"Er, g-good thinking, James," Peter agreed, backing out from under his desk. "I've sort of had enough biting crockery for one day,"

"Yes, come on," added Remus as Scraggles went haring past them with a teacup hanging on his tail. "This is getting a bit out of hand,"

The four friends paused at the door, taking one last look at the havoc they'd impressed on their Transfiguration class.

"Not bad, for the first day," reflected James, surveying the damage. "We set off some dungbombs, we annoyed Madam Pince, we skived off Charms and we set a torrent of biting teacups on our fellow students and teachers- don't know about you all but I'm fairly satisfied with all of that! Although…"

James paused to grin.

"I think we can do even better tomorrow,"

"_Think_?" repeated Sirius, unable to stop himself smiling deviously. "You _think_, James Potter? No, no, no… I _know _we can do even better tomorrow,"

"Have to agree with you there, Sirius," Remus chuckled, taking off his Prefect badge for the day. "After all, this sort of thing is only 'relatively tame' isn't it?"

And with one final grin at their handiwork, and at each other, the Marauders left the classroom, already preparing for the next day's events…

* * *


	4. Day 2, Part I: Problems with Potions

* * *

After the madness of the first day of their grand plan to upset Hogwarts' proverbial apple cart, the Marauders began day 2 in a rather subdued manner. As much as James and Sirius wanted to strut out of the common room, pleased as punch with their recent wrongdoings (and as much as Peter wanted to copy them), Remus persuaded them to lower the tone and act a little less obvious about the whole thing. He had to remind them, that after all, the goal for the week was to _not_ get caught. Sirius in turn reminded him to stop worrying so much about it, and to just let loose and have fun with it all- to which Remus reminded Sirius that his idea of fun was not being stuck in detention every lunchtime for the rest of the year. Sirius was about to remind Remus that he'd had some excellent fun in the past being stuck in detention, when James overrode him and agreed that all four of them should keep reasonably low profiles if they wanted to get through the week without anyone smelling a rat (at which point Sirius promptly made a pathetic joke about Peter, which didn't earn him any credit from the others, especially not Peter). 

Without McGonagall around to hide in the shadows spying on their every move, and continuously glare, asking if they were 'up to anything', the Marauders felt more confident than ever about their prank pulling, and were, at that moment, almost certain that no one suspected them.

Little did they know, as they made their way down to breakfast, things were about to get edgy.

"Potter!"

James stopped in his tracks at the top of the marble staircase and slowly turned around, as did the others. Their blood ran cold and their hearts began to pound when they saw that the person who had called out to James was Mr Filch. He had a rather battered looking Scraggles tucked under his arm, and they saw his hands were roughly bandaged- there was no doubt whatsoever in their minds that the bandages were hiding biting teacup wounds.

A momentary pang of guilt struck them- Sirius in particular- but it soon vanished as Filch beckoned them over to him, with a gnarly finger.

"Don't like the look of this, Prongs," Sirius mumbled out of the corner of his mouth. "Don't like the look of this at all,"

"Just…act…natural," said James, slowly advancing towards the caretaker. "We haven't…done…anything. We have _nothing_ to hide, all right?"

Peter let out a tiny whimper.

James smiled brightly and adopted a rather cheerful tone. "How can we help you Mr Filch?"

Filch's mood was clearly at the opposite end of the scale. He held up his bandaged hand.

"Do you know, what this is?" he asked, glowering.

It was a silly question, really- though the Marauders felt this wasn't the time to point out to Mr Filch, in no uncertain terms, that it was indeed his hand, and simply remained silent. It was obviously a sore point- quite literally, too.

James shook his head and the others followed suit.

"It's a bite," Filch explained. "A bite from one of those teacups in your Transfiguration class yesterday,"

"Oh," said Remus, fishing around for something to say. "The four of us were…were lucky to come away unharmed,"

"Awfully funny that, isn't it?" leered Filch. "If my documentation is anything to go by, then I'd say you four troublemakers have quite a criminal record at this school,"

The Marauders glanced at one another. They couldn't very well deny this statement- although something in Filch's eyes made them think twice about simply offhandedly agreeing with him, so again, they kept quiet.

Filch continued, vaguely stroking Scraggles.

"And in the case of yesterdays events, I'd say that record is standing against you at the moment,"

Sirius tried to look vague.

"We don't know what you mean," he said apologetically.

Filch abruptly seemed to decide that beating about the bush was useless.

"You know all too well what I mean!" he snapped, so suddenly that all four friends jumped in fright. "I know it was you! You put those dungbombs in my office, didn't you?? And you tampered with Professor Kettleburn's teacups!! You did, I KNOW it!"

"No, please, Mr-"

"And I wouldn't be in the least bit surprised if it was you who caused all that trouble in the library!" he spat, clutching Scraggles and leaning closer.

"You can't prove we did any of that!" Sirius blurted out.

"Oh I'll get proof, boy, I can tell you now," said Filch coldly, his voice still wavering with rage. "Until then, I'll be keeping a close eye on all four of you, mark my words!"

With one final bitter glare at the Marauders, Filch turned and stalked away in an incredibly foul mood. Sirius made a rude gesture once his back was turned, and Peter looked as if he was going to cry.

"He can't scare us!" chuckled James. "He's got no evidence!"

"He's right, though. We do have a criminal record, James," said Remus, grimly. "They have to punish someone, you know,"

"And it won't be us," said James, leading the way down the stairs. "No, it definitely won't. Even if we have to lay the blame on someone else,"

"Like who?"

"I dunno," said James. "But just because he's a bit peeved off about yesterday, doesn't mean we're going to avoid him from now on. On the contrary- I think we should go out of our way to annoy him now,"

"Yeah," agreed Sirius. "You know, I bet he's not even hurt from those teacups. I bet he's just faking it to try and make us feel guilty,"

"Either that or he wants more excuses to go and visit Madam Pomfrey," giggled Peter. "Everyone knows he has a soft spot for her!"

The other three Marauders looked disgusted.

"Wormtail!" Sirius groaned. "We don't want to know!"

"Yeah, thanks a lot for putting me off my breakfast!" James complained. "I don't need to hear about Filch's love life at this time of the morning- or at any time of the morning- or anytime ever!"

* * *

Despite joking they weren't hungry, the Marauders still ate ravenously, and finished their breakfast early. They had just collected up their things and were getting ready to head out of the Great Hall, off to first lesson, when Peter accidentally collided with someone, and dropped all his books. 

"Watch it, Pettigrew,"

Severus Snape stood before him, brushing down his robes as if being touched by a Gryffindor was highly unhygienic. He was looking sour as always, his greasy black hair hanging in limp tresses around his pallid face, and his hooked nose seeming even more hooked than usual now that he was angry.

"I-I'm sorry," Peter stuttered, bending down to pick up his books.

"Don't apologise to that slimy git, Peter," said Sirius. "He probably did it on purpose anyway- make _him_ pick up your books!"

Snape scowled at Sirius.

"Shut up Black, or I'll hex you,"

"Now, now, Snivellus, we won't tolerate talk like that at the dinner table," warned James. "Be a good boy and tell Peter you're sorry,"

Snape's mouth was twisted with rage. He looked down at Peter.

"I'm not apologising to that lump of lard," he shot back. "And you two dimwits can't make me,"

If Sirius wasn't already at the end of his tether, this last remark certainly lured him there. Remus, sensing trouble, knelt down to help Peter with his books, keeping his head low.

"Right," Sirius barked, eyes flashing angrily. "That's it, Greasy-locks, you take that back!"

Snape sneered and turned on his heel, stalking off towards the exit. Sirius was absolutely fuming.

"He's asking for it, he really is!" he said hotly. "That slimeball's gonna pay!"

"Oh, he'll pay all right, Padfoot," said James quite calmly. "We've got Potions with him first lesson, and let me tell you…we're going to make him suffer,"

Sirius grinned. James turned to Peter and Remus. "Right?" he asked.

"U-um," Peter sounded a little unsure. "If you say so, James,"

Remus glanced at him reprovingly.

"You've got no chance of messing around in Potions," he told him sternly. "Not with Professor Quinn about,"

James threw back his head and laughed.

"Oh I just love a challenge," he said smoothly.

* * *

The dungeons were chilly as always, and the Marauders tried to keep warm as they sat around with their fellow 5th years, waiting for their teacher to arrive. 

"Are we doing a practical today?" asked Peter, to everyone in general.

"Yeah," said James, sounding a little distracted. His eyes were scanning the room, and he was clearly planning something. "Yeah, we are,"

"Oh, great," sighed Remus. "The one lesson where I'd rather be doing theory,"

"Are you kidding, Moony?" asked Sirius, looking astonished. "A practical lesson's an absolute blessing for us today! If there's one way we can get back at Snivellus, its by screwing things up for him in his favourite lesson,"

"And screw things up we will," said James. "I've got a plan,"

The door behind them banged open and Professor Quinn strode in, proudly wearing her green and silver Slytherin sash and the usual 'no-nonsense' look on her face. Her dark hair was wound into a particularly tight bun today- which probably signified she wasn't in the best of moods.

"5th Years," she announced, standing at the front of the room. "You should recall me informing you we were to be having a practical lesson today,"

A few class members nodded, murmuring in agreement. Quinn regarded them all in silence for a moment.

"Well?" she asked sharply. "Why is it that no one appears to be set up? Come on, quickly! Pair off! Cauldrons out! Organise your equipment! I shouldn't have to tell you this by now!"

Students hastily got to their feet and shuffled around amongst themselves, getting into pairs and setting up their equipment. Professor Quinn whirled around to the blackboard and began writing out instructions.

The Marauders split into pairs- Sirius and James, and Peter and Remus- and began getting out their ingredients.

"You see?" said Remus, taking a vial off a nearby shelf. "You shouldn't upset her today, she's already tetchy,"

"She's always tetchy! That's just her nature!" Sirius countered. "Don't panic, Rem- Jamesy here has it all under control. You just worry about making sure Peter doesn't mess up your potion,"

"Hey," said Peter, looking offended.

"The Potion we will be concocting today is known as the Draft of Peace," said Professor Quinn to the class. "This potent potion, correctly brewed, will give the drinker a sense of peace and relaxation. You will in fact be tested on this particular draft in your upcoming OWLs, so please take notice of what you're doing- I'd like for this lesson to go as _smoothly_ as _possible_, thankyou,"

James and Sirius smiled knowingly. Quinn surveyed her students.

"Well I daresay you can all read," she said curtly, stepping aside and indicating to the blackboard. "Off you go- lets not waste any more time. Come on- get started!"

There was a steady ascent of voices as students began to talk amongst themselves, and start on their drafts.

10 more minutes into the lesson, and the potion brewing was well under way. The room had warmed up from the heat of all the bubbling cauldrons, and the 5th years were busily adding ingredients and rushing about, asking friends for help- Professor Quinn had neglected to warn them that this was a particularly tricky potion to brew, and more than a few students were looking worried as to whether or not they were on the right track.

Snape seemed to be getting more help than anyone from Professor Quinn- whether this was because he was partnerless, or because Quinn favoured students from her own house, the Marauders didn't know.

Peter and Remus were already having trouble. They were both looking flustered, robe sleeves rolled up to their elbows- Peter was sweating, and Remus' light brown hair was a little on the messy side, from running his hand through it in concentration. Instead of a milky purple, as their potion was supposed to be at this stage according to Professor Quinn's instructions, theirs was more of an insipid, watery green.

"Look, it says there, we were supposed to stir while pouring in the essence of hellebore," said Remus, pointing to the board. "After gradually adding the powdered moonstone,"

Peter looked extremely apologetic.

"I didn't add the moonstone," he said in a tiny voice. "Sorry,"

Remus put a hand to his forehead, closing his eyes.

"Ah," he said. "Well that could well be the problem,"

Peter continued awkwardly. "Do-do you think it mattered that I didn't quite put in the whole 4 spoons of Skullcap root? Its just that I ran out, and could only make it to 3 and a bit…"

Remus looked hopelessly at their potion, then over at Sirius and James, who seemed to be coping quite well.

"What's the next instruction, Prongs?" asked Sirius, slowly stirring their mixture.

James wiped his glasses, which had fogged up once again from the heat and read off the board. "'Allow to stand for 5 minutes before proceeding'," he said, and then lowered his voice. "Well, how handy- what do you say we cause some trouble?"

"I'm all for that," said Sirius. "What are we gonna do?"

James signalled for Remus and Peter to join them. The two abandoned their dismal attempt at the Draft of Peace and moved over to James and Sirius.

James began.

"All right, time to have some fun with Snivellus. Quinn's left the store room open again, see?" He pointed over to the doorway behind Professor Quinn's desk. "There's all sorts in there- stuff we could really use. If we can distract Quinn for a bit, we could sneak in there undetected, get the goods, sneak out again, and voila! We'll be fully armed with all the weird potions and tonics we can carry!"

"Perfect," said Sirius evilly. "Then we can slip a bit of this, and a bit of that into Snape's Draft of Peace, and completely make a fool out of him!"

Remus looked doubtful. "You really think it's going to be that easy?"

"A total breeze," James reassured him. "Look, Sirius and I will go to the store room- you two distract Professor Quinn!"

"H-how do we do that?" said Peter, a little fretfully.

"Well," said Sirius, "Pretend you've stuffed up your potion and need help!"

"That'll be easy," said Remus dryly as James and Sirius crept off. "Quick, Peter- tip all of that hellebore essence into our cauldron,"

"Why-?"

"Just do it," replied Remus. "And here, add some of this,"

Peter looked completely befuddled as Remus pushed some asphodel across the table to him. "But…this is asphodel, Remus, its not even in the instructions!"

"I know," grinned Remus. Peter did as he was told and their potion bubbled orange, sizzling viciously. Remus raised his hand. "Professor Quinn?"

Sirius and James watched Quinn leaving Snape for the moment and crossing over their friends.

"Now!" hissed James.

The two of them dashed over to the store room and James hurtled inside. Sirius stood guard by the door, trying to look casual.

The storeroom was huge- however, James didn't have time to marvel at the size, or how high up the old, grimy stone walls the shelves stretched. Instead he got straight to work, reading labels as quickly as he could, grabbing any bottles that looked interesting, and stuffing them into his robes.

Meanwhile, outside, Sirius was slightly overdoing the laid-back attitude by whistling innocently, and staring around the room as if he were admiring the architecture. A couple of Gryffindor girls near the front were peering at him strangely. Sirius hastily pretended to be looking at the chalk instructions on the nearby blackboard.

"My eyesight's not that good," he called. "Gotta get close to be able to read anything these days,"

The girls regarded him with even stranger looks and returned their focus to their cauldrons.

"Come on, James," muttered Sirius under his breath.

Back at the bench, Professor Quinn was getting frustrated with Remus and Peter.

"Pettigrew, Lupin; I made my instructions clear, did I not?"

She pointed down at the content of their cauldron, which was now simmering an angry red- it couldn't have been further from what one would imagine a Draft of Peace to look like. "I am disappointed in the both of you, however, we may be able to get this vile concoction back on track with a few drops of basic-"

Remus picked up a nearby bowl of chopped Feverfew.

"Oh, this?" he asked, tipping it in.

"_NO!" _

A great cloud of smoky dust arose from the cauldron. Remus and Peter managed to duck out of the way in time, but Professor Quinn and a fair few nearby students weren't quick enough, and were directly engulfed by the swirling smoke. Upon inhaling it, they all began to sneeze violently as if they'd just sniffed a large amount of pepper.

"No, no, _no_!" choked Professor Quinn, her eyes streaming as she held back a sneeze. "You have disobeyed my instructions! _Again_!"

She broke off, staggering backwards as she sneezed forcefully. A few Slytherin's behind them had gotten a hefty amount of the dust too, and were doing the same.

Sirius watched in amusement from the store room door.

"James!" he called. "Hurry up! I don't know how long the communal sneezing fit is gonna last!"

James, who's pockets by this time were stashed with several bottles and vials of unusual potions, raced back to the door where Sirius stood.

"The store room raid has been successfully completed," he reported with a grin. "Are we good, or are we good?"

"We're definitely good," Sirius established.

The whole dungeon was echoing with _"achoo_'s", until Professor Quinn steadied herself long enough to wave her wand and mutter a spell, which cleared the air, and Remus and Peter's cauldron.

"Now," she sniffed, tucking her wand back into her robes. "You two are to start again, and brew the Draft of Peace _properly_ this time. You will also see me after class, as I need to have a word to both of you about misusing potion ingredients. Considering you have conveniently run out, I will on this one occasion, lend you some. You are very lucky I have a fresh batch of powdered moonstone in the store room, ready to-"

"The store room??" gasped Peter, glancing over. He instantly relaxed when he saw James and Sirius safely heading back. "Oh…er…thankyou,"

Professor Quinn swept to the storeroom in search of the moonstone, just as James and Sirius arrived back at their cauldron (James chinking slightly as he walked, through all the bottles in his robe pockets).

"Good work, you two," said Sirius. "How did things go?"

Remus frowned.

"Well, thanks to you, Peter and I now have to stay behind to have a talk with Professor Quinn at the end of the lesson," he said heatedly.

Sirius and James were about to make an apologetic reply when they saw Snape leave his cauldron unattended, as he left to get something from one of the shelves. Their eyes simultaneously lit up.

"Quick! Now's our chance!" said James, fishing into his robes and drawing out a random unlabelled bottle, filled with bright blue liquid. "We have to work fast- Peter, you're closest- slip this into Snivelly's potion!"

"Me??"

"Yes you!" said Sirius. "No Quinn, no Snape- this is the perfect opportunity!"

James passed the bottle to Sirius, who passed it to Remus, who reluctantly passed it to Peter.

Peter turned the bottle over in his hands. "We don't even know what it is," he said. "It could be really dangerous!"

"That's the fun of it, Pete!" said Sirius, almost bouncing up and down in excitement. "Quickly! Do it!"

Peter surrendered, finding himself once again succumbing to peer pressure. He sidled over, bit his lip, closed his eyes and in one swift movement, tipped the contents of the bottle into Snape's cauldron of perfectly brewed Peace Draft.

Nothing happened. Not immediately, anyway. It was a tense moment. The four Marauders waited in silence, almost trembling with anticipation, their gaze fixated on the cauldron.

Snape returned, carrying a dish of diced caterpillars. He had only just set them down on the bench and reached for his measuring cup when he froze, staring into his cauldron.

His potion had started to simmer and steam vigorously.

James stifled a snigger. Sirius gripped the table. Remus couldn't bare to watch, but couldn't tear his eyes away either, and Peter realised with shock that he was still holding the empty bottle, and hastily crammed it into his pocket.

Snape blinked. His expression was one of utter confusion. He had followed the instructions, used the right ingredients, got all the help he could from Professor Quinn, yet his potion had somewhere along the lines turned from a swirly pale lavender, to a brilliant sky blue. Not only that, it was also beginning to froth up.

Several students now were beginning to point and laugh. It was common knowledge in their year level that Snape was very skilled at Potions, and rarely made a mistake. To see him mess up was a historical event.

Snape himself was stepping back now, mouthing wordlessly as the thick blue foam crept up the edges of his cauldron and reached the brim, spilling over.

"What's the matter, Snivelly?" James jeered. "Can't you brew your potions properly without Professor Quinn to help you every little step of the way?"

"That's not potion he's brewing, Jamesy- it's bubblebath!" said Sirius loudly. "Or maybe it's a new kind of frothy shampoo he's designed, for especially greasy hair!"

A few of the students watching laughed, including James and Peter. Snape was still too dumbfounded by the increasing abundance of blue spume frothing out of his cauldron to even answer. Suddenly, he rounded on the Marauders.

"You!" he spluttered. "You- you did this!"

James feigned a look of perfect innocence.

"No we didn't, Snivellus- just because your potion's gone wrong, doesn't mean you can start blaming other people!"

"Don't lie, Potter!" Snape cried. "You must have! I didn't do anything wrong!"

His temper was starting to boil over- and it wasn't the only thing doing so, either. He seemed entirely oblivious that behind him his foam filled cauldron was now bubbling so violently that the whole thing was quivering, bouncing off the table.

Remus noticed this and knew it couldn't be a good sign.

"S-Severus," he said, pointing to the cauldron. "Your potion, its-"

Snape ignored him.

"Admit it!" he demanded, staring wild eyed at Sirius and James. "You put something in my potion when I wasn't looking, didn't you?"

"Who, us?" said Sirius lightly. "James and I didn't go anywhere near your stupid potion,"

"Severus, please- turn around!" urged Remus, gesturing frantically to Snape's cauldron, which had started to whistle like a boiling kettle. "Its going to-"

"You two just wait!" Snape snarled, balling his fists in anger. "You…just…wait!"

"DUCK!" yelled Sirius.

The four Marauders hit the dungeon floor, and just in time- from somewhere in the direction of Snape's cauldron, there was a very pronounced "_poof_!" sound- the blue foam had exploded from Snape's cauldron with the force of a volcanic eruption, but with the sound of someone landing on a bed of squishy feather pillows. Students screamed as vibrantly blue froth flew up into the air and floated down in pieces like large chunks of snow, settling all around the classroom.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter peered back over their desks and had to fight the urge to laugh. The walls, desks, ceiling, and almost every student in the room was splattered with fluffy blue suds- and Snape was covered from head to foot in the stuff.

However, the best was yet to come. For the Marauders, anyway- in the case of the foam covered students, it was more the _worst_ was yet to come.

It all happened within the blink of an eye- wherever the foam had made contact with human skin, great plumes of bright blue feathers started to abruptly sprout. Around the room the affected students were gasping and shrieking in alarm as feathers and down covered their hands, and faces. Snape, who had been totally coated in the foam, was hardly recognisable, and now looked like an oversized tropical parrot in robes. He looked panicked beyond belief.

This was all too much for James and Sirius, who had sank to the floor and were practically weeping with laughter.

"James!" choked Sirius, clutching his sides. "We've really done it this time! We've turned them all into bloody fwoopers!"

"_WHAT IN THE NAME OF MERLIN IS GOING ON??"_

Professor Quinn had re-entered from the storeroom and had obviously flipped her lid at the site that greeted her. Her feather covered students were just as stunned and as horrified as she was. Silence fell over the room.

"_Well?_" she continued in a deathly whisper. "_Would anyone care to explain??"_

A short Gryffindor named Derrick Stebbins seemed to feel it was his place to elaborate (it was easy to tell that he must have got a large helping of foam square in the face; it was entirely covered by a plumage of blue feathers).

"Snape's potion exploded!" he called out. "He messed it up somehow and-"

Snape wasn't at all happy with this answer.

"It wasn't my fault!" he argued. He pointed a shaky feathered finger at James and his friends. "They did it! They must have slipped something in it! They must have!"

Quinn's hawk eyes flew to the Marauders.

"Is that so?" she questioned through clenched teeth.

All four of the Marauders started to step backwards, nervously shaking their heads.

"No-no," said Peter, voice unnaturally high. "We-we didn't-"

"Don't listen to him," Sirius laughed. "He's a nutter, he's only trying to shift the-"

Sirius didn't finish as he found himself tripping backwards into his and James' cauldron. He accidentally knocked it with his elbow, and it wobbled for a second, then toppled over with a crash, its milky green contents leaking out onto the floor.

"Sorry," Sirius offered, in a tiny voice.

Quinn was still advancing on them, too angry to even notice the mess the spilt potion had made.

"Oh well done Padfoot," muttered James in dismay. "If she wasn't already going to kill us, she is now,"

"Hang on, green?" whispered Remus in puzzlement, looking down at the potion. "Draft of Peace is supposed to be purple, isn't it?"

"_Remus_!" whimpered Sirius. "I hardly think this is the time!"

"No, look!" replied Remus. A light white mist started to slowly rise from the potion on the floor. "You let it brew for more than 5 minutes, didn't you? That means…of course…"

Remus had clearly figured something out that no one else had. James, Sirius and Peter were all eying him as if he'd gone mental.

"He's lost it," said James. "We're about to get the lecture of a lifetime and he's on about potion colours,"

"Just trust me," Remus insisted coolly. "And whatever you do, don't breathe in the mist,"

"Never in my career," Professor Quinn said, stopping before the puddle of potion on the floor. "Have I _ever_ encountered such utter…dis…respect…"

The white mist seeping up from the potion had risen high enough to enshroud Professor Quinn. Through the haze between the her and the Marauders, they saw that, for some reason, she seemed to be getting very tired all of a sudden. She gave a yawn and put a hand to her head.

"I…want to see…all of you…after class…for…"

With another yawn, Professor Quinn stumbled sideways a little, then her legs gave way and she collapsed to the floor, snoring softly.

There was a babble of confused voices as the feather covered students rushed to see if she was all right, but then they in turn began to yawn and look drowsy as they entered the white mist, one by one, falling asleep as their Professor had- Snape, in all his feathery glory, being one of them.

The Marauders stepped backwards towards the door, away from the spilt potion, and the unconscious forms of their teacher and fellow students.

"Wh-what-?" was all James could utter, as several more students toppled backwards into desks, and collapsed in dead heaps on the cold stone floor.

"Its your potion," said Remus with a chuckle. "You let it brew too long, so it went past the Draft of Peace stage, and turned into a Draft of Sleep! You see? The mist it's giving off is putting everyone to sleep!"

"Wow," Peter breathed. "You two are good! You made everyone fall asleep and you didn't even _try_!"

"I tell you, Wormtail," James told him, smugly. "The spontaneous pranks are always the most rewarding!"

The last conscious student in the class apart from the four friends passed out. They stared at the arrangement of sleeping 5th years, draped over chairs, sprawled on the floor- some even sleeping on each other (Snape, in particular, had dozed off on top of Emmeline Vance, which would no doubt be awkward for both of them when they finally awoke).

The white fog had reached most corners of the room, and was now reaching to the door, where the Marauders stood.

"I-I think we should leave," said Peter.

"Er, yes," said Remus, but looking a little hesitant. "But-but shouldn't we do something?"

Sirius and James grinned the mischievous grins they were becoming famous for, and each took one of Remus' arms.

"Well Moony, the Prefect thing to do would be to go and get help…" said James.

"However," continued Sirius. "The Marauder thing to do would be to leg it, and pretend we had _nothing_ to do with it,"

"B-But-"

"No buts," said James as they steered him out of the Potions room, and away from the sleeping blue-feathered students and Professor. "I'd go for the latter, wouldn't you? Its so much more daring,"

Remus sighed, smiling.

"True," he said.

"That's what I thought," said James, winking. "Come on, lets go to the Common room- I've still got all these damn bottles in my pockets, we need to get them hidden…mind you, one of them has given me a brilliant idea on how to 'spice up' tonight's dinner…"

* * *

Well- there you go- the Seven Days of Maraudery Goodness are well under way! I'd love you to read and review, let me know if you're liking it so far- if not, I'm sorry. If so, well then- I'll continue! :)


	5. Day 2, Part II: A Fiery Feast

* * *

The Marauders found themselves being cross-examined on the Potions debacle throughout the day, as they were the only ones to come out of the lesson unaffected. The talk around the school was that Professor Quinn and her 5th year class of Gryffindors and Slytherins had woozily awoken lying on the dungeon floor sometime after lunch, disorientated, and most of them covered in bright blue feathers. James and Sirius encouraged the rumour that the essence of hellebore they had been using was apparently contaminated, and that the four of them were lucky to be running an errand out of class at the time when it all happened.

To their relief, many believed this, although not everyone seemed convinced.

"I swear," muttered Remus as they made their way out of Defence Against the Dark Arts, their last lesson. "Some of the teachers suspect us…you _must_ have noticed Professor Sinistra looking at us strangely,"

Sirius was in denial, and positive that no one knew.

"Nah," he said. "That was probably just because Peter kept giggling,"

Peter chortled again. "I'm sorry! I just keep thinking of Snape covered in those feathers!"

"Yeah," said James with a grin, messing up his already scruffy hair. "That was classic!"

"Snape- he's another one who knows," said Remus pointedly. "We're going to get in some serious trouble soon if we don't watch out,"

"No we won't!" replied James in a lofty tone. "We're too good for the lot of them,"

"Its talk like that that's going to get us caught," Remus muttered.

"Ohh, cheer up Moony!" Sirius urged, leaning over and ruffling his friend's light brown hair.

Remus gave him a very unimpressed look and furiously smoothed his hair down again.

"I don't mind some of the more harmless jokes you play, there's nothing wrong with those," he said. "But the ones that involve hurting or humiliating people…"

"Says Remus Lupin, the Gryffindor Prefect who magicked a whole collection of hardcover books to fall on the librarians head," grinned James.

"That-that was different," Remus stammered, looking a little flushed. "Anyway that's beside the point. Everyone suspects us because whenever something happens, we're always there but manage to never be involved!"

Peter thought for a moment, scratching his head. "Maybe," he said. "If we actually fell for the pranks…then it would look like it wasn't us!"

Sirius turned to face Peter, a totally blank expression on his face.

"That really would defeat the whole purpose, Peter," he said, then added, "You pratt,"

They reached the Fat Lady's portrait and were just about to speak the password and enter when it swung open, and 2 girls stepped out. One of them was Mary Moran, a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, and the other, Lily Evans. She had her thick dark red hair pinned up on one side with a pretty green clip, bringing out the colour in her eyes.

James instantly seemed to drift off into a trance upon seeing her.

"Here we go," muttered Sirius with a knowing smile.

"All right Evans?" asked James eagerly.

Lily's turned her head sharply when she heard her name called. An unusually cold look passed over her face.

"Yes, Potter," she replied. "Emmeline has been better, though,"

"Oh? Why's that then?"

Lily blinked, as if he should already know.

"We're just going down to the Hospital Wing to see her now. She was unlucky enough to be in your Potions class yesterday when everything went wrong,"

"Ohh, that!" said James. "Yeah, heard all about it…"

Lily looked impatient. Mary was backing her up as much as possible, giving daggers to all four Marauders.

"If Snape was telling the truth yesterday," Lily said coldly. "And if it really was all your fault, then I think you should be highly ashamed of yourselves,"

James did his best to look affronted. "You shouldn't listen to anything that slimy git says!"

"Oh, and I should believe everything _you_ say, Potter?" asked Lily. James tried to speak back, but just made a few unintelligible noises. Lily looked past him and smiled a little more warmly.

"See you later Remus, Peter…Sirius,"

With that, she turned on her heel and walked away, Mary in tow, still glaring at the Marauders in hatred.

"_Well_," said Sirius dramatically. "You've been told off, Jamesy,"

James was scowling.

"What does she know?" he said bitterly. "I'm a very honest and respectable person, most of the time!"

The Fat Lady suddenly laughed from behind them, startling them all.

"Honest and respectable?" she queried. "Master Potter, if you don't mind me saying so- no one 'honest and respectable' sneaks out of their common room at 5:30 in the morning with a large bag of dungbombs!"

James stared up at her in disbelief, open mouthed. Remus shook his head and laughed.

"You see, James? Even the portraits don't trust you!"

* * *

After being accused as a liar by the Fat Lady _and_ Lily Evans, James was now even more determined than ever to pull the ultimate stealth-based prank. The four boys had returned briefly to the dormitories for James to get 'the secret weapon', and then left, heading downstairs again. Sirius was itching to know the plans for their next practical joke.

"So Prongs, do elaborate- what's this 'secret weapon' of yours?"

James proudly drew a bottle from his pocket. It was funnily shaped, and filled with a red liquid, flecked with black specks. "_This_ is Pepper Breath Potion," he explained. "It was one of the things I nicked from Quinn's store room this morning,"

"Pepper Breath Potion?" repeated Sirius, looking a trifle confused. "Now why has Professor Quinn of all people got something like _that_ in her store room? It's the kind of thing you buy at Zonko's!"

James looked at the potion thoughtfully.

"Maybe she's a Marauder at heart?" he suggested, raising his eyebrows.

"I wouldn't count on it," said Remus bleakly.

Peter desperately wanted to know more. "So what does it do, James?"

"Well, I believe it heats things up a tad," said James, with a twisted smile. "It says here on the bottle: 'Effects include burning of the throat and mouth, a boiling sensation of the insides and fire breathing,"-(Sirius laughed evilly and clapped his hands together)-"Warning: to be used in moderation.' Moderation?? Yeah, right. God, we're going to have some fun with this!"

"This is all going to end in tears, I know it," groaned Remus.

"What's the plan, Prongsy?" asked Sirius, taking the bottle from James and reading it himself.

James checked behind him, and stopped them as they rounded a corner.

"Ok," he said seriously. "I figure we sneak into the kitchens, convince the kitchen elves we're there to do research for an assignment or something, then while they're distracted, we whack a bit of the old Pepper Breath into certain people's pumpkin juice!"

"Its genius, James- I love it!" Sirius hooted as they continued walking.

"I think that's a brilliant plan!" Peter said, beaming. "I wish I'd thought of it,"

"Wait a minute," said Remus, his eyes wary. "When you say 'certain people'…do you mean you're going to put Pepper Breath Potion in _Snape's_ pumpkin juice?"

James lead the way down a flight of stairs, a definite spring in his step. "Not just Snape's, Rem- the whole bally lot of 'em!"

Remus was quickly getting frustrated with James' cocky vagueness.

"The whole- who are you talking about, James?"

James' hazel eyes were glinting manically. "I'm talking about the entire population of Slytherin!"

"Why them?" asked Remus, eyebrows raised.

Sirius angrily tried to interject. "Because they're a bunch of nasty f-"

"Because they just deserve it," said James, loudly, over the top of him. "I've had enough of how childishly they act on the Quidditch pitch. They're bad news, the lot of them,"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"James…" he said, warningly. "I don't think-"

"So this potion actually makes you breath fire?" asked Sirius. "Wow…wonder how much we'll need to put in?"

"Not much I don't reckon," said James, as they descended the marble staircase, and turned left. "Its very effective stuff, apparently. Oh I can't wait to see Snivellus and his Slytherin buddies taking a sip of this!"

"Buddies?" joked Sirius. "Hang on- since when does Snivellus have buddies?"

Sirius and James were in the sort of mood to find this extremely funny- Peter laughed along with them. Remus gave an exasperated sigh.

They jogged down flight of stone steps and reached a brightly lit corridor, decorated with portraits of food.

James lead them to the end.

"Right," he said. "Now we have to do this carefully. I think two of us should go in, and two of us should stay out here, to keep watch. So who's going in?"

"Hmm," said Sirius, stroking an imaginary goatee. "Who looks the most like a house elf? Ah, Wormtail!"

"Wh-what?" stammered Peter.

"Go on, Pete," said Sirius. "They won't notice you creeping around- you're short!"

"Well…ok," Peter shrugged. "What is it I have to look for again?"

Sirius took him by the shoulders and repeated the instructions slowly.

"_The_ _Sly-ther-in pump-kin juice gob-lets_," he said. "There should be four sets of goblets, a set for each house table. You need to find the ones marked 'Slytherin'. Got it?"

Peter paused, taking this information in, then nodded fervently. Sirius sighed.

"He's gonna forget that in about 30 seconds, I bet you. He's got the memory of a rat,"

"You go in with him to make sure he doesn't," said James. "Moony and I will keep watch,"

"Oh will we?" asked Remus vehemently. "I really wish you two would ask me before just dragging me into a prank like this, and then just _assuming_ I'll take part,"

James smiled vaguely past Remus to Sirius.

"You were right in what you said the other morning, Padfoot- definitely 'that time of the month', I'd say,"

"I really hate you two sometimes," said Remus shaking his head, sullenly.

"We're only joking, Moony! Now, be an absolute dear and go and keep watch over at the stairs back there," said James, giving his friend a jovial push in the right direction.

Rather crossly, Remus rolled up his sleeves and stormed over to the stairs. James turned to a framed portrait of a large fruit bowl, and tickled the pear. It giggled for a moment, before turning into a green door handle.

He opened the door and bowed elegantly to Peter and Sirius as they walked in, past him.

"Make me proud, Marauders!"

* * *

Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew had been into the Hogwarts kitchens countless times. They- along with James and Remus, of course- had discovered the secret of tickling the pear sometime in their first year, and used to take great delight in sneaking in late at night to steal food and sweets- or being voluntarily given it by overly generous house elves. The atmosphere before dinner during the evening, they noticed, was a lot more hectic than it was at midnight when they used to creep in, and there were house elves bustling about the place, cooking and preparing meals. It smelled wonderful, and the two boys were getting hungry after only being in there for seconds.

They had just began to walk down the middle of the four house tables, identical to the ones above in the Great Hall, when one particularly pointy elf wearing a tartan tea towel came hurrying up to them, looking frantic.

"Sirs should not be in here!" he squeaked. "Very busy time in the kitchens, Sirs!"

"Oh, we're sorry," said Sirius good naturedly. "We were hoping you and the other elves would be able to help us out…you see…my friend and I are doing a school project together…and we chose to write all about house elves, and how friendly, and wonderfully kind hearted beings they are! We came down here to ask you all some questions. Of course, if you're too busy, then-"

The little elf goggled up at Sirius and Peter in utter admiration, his wide eyes welling with tears.

"Moffy would be honoured, Sir!" he gasped.

"Excellent!" said Sirius, grinning. "That would be very kind of you,"

"K-kind of Moffy, Sir?" Moffy the house elf looked as if he were fighting the urge to get down on the ground and kiss Sirius' shoes. "Sir praises Moffy like an 'equal'! Moffy is not worthy, Sir!"

"Oh, _God_," Sirius muttered to Peter. "These house elves don't get out much, do they?"

"Come and sit down, Sir!"

Without warning, Moffy took Sirius' hand and dragged him over to the fireplace, forcing him down into a chair with a tatty cushion.

"Moffy will get other kitchen elves to come and help Sir!"

Moffy trotted off. Sirius turned to Peter.

"Right," he said softly. "I'll keep them busy here, while you go off and find the Slytherin goblets. They should already be set up with pumpkin juice in them, so just add a bit of the Pepper Breath Potion to each one. All right?"

Peter took a deep breath. "Ok," he said.

Moffy returned with a little troupe of house elves, all looking eager to help.

"Would Sir like a cup of tea?" asked a female elf wearing an dirty apron. "And a chocolate biscuit?"

"Oh, I couldn't possibly refuse!" said Sirius. He leaned back in his chair and looked sharply up at Peter. "What are you hanging around for? Go!!" he hissed.

"Would Sir like one sugar or two?"

"Oh, two, no three- four! Make it four, thankyou Moffy,"

Peter turned around and worriedly set off in search of the Slytherin goblets. He made his way over to the tables, and went to the one with green and silver table decorations.

"This must be it," he said to himself. His eyes scanned the settings- no plates, no knives and forks…no goblets. None of the crockery or cutlery had been set up yet. He left the tables and started searching through some of the pots and pans stacked up around the sides- alas, the Slytherin goblets were nowhere in sight, let alone set up and filled with pumpkin juice, ready to serve. Peter was getting panicked. _'What do I do??'_ he thought frantically to himself. _"How am I supposed to pour in the Pepper Breath Potion if I can't even find the goblets??"_

He bit his lip and took one more look around the room before glancing back over to the fireplace. Sirius was in the lap of luxury, reclined by the fire with his feet up on a stack of cushions. He was surrounded by excited, babbling house elves, all talking animatedly and fussing over him.

"Er- Sirius?" called Peter. "_Sirius_! I can't find the-"

"Shut up and keep looking, Peter!" shouted Sirius, cup of tea in one hand, plate of biscuits in the other. "Can't you see I'm being pampered?"

Peter gave a helpless sigh, and returned to looking around the kitchen. Suddenly, his eyes caught site of something over near where the food was being cooked. It was an enormous vat of something steaming hot, and whatever it was, it smelled nice. Peter checked that no house elves were watching (almost all of them had abandoned making dinner, and were over with Sirius), and crept over. The vat was big enough to swim in and was filled with pumpkin juice, bubbling away unattended. Peter's heart leapt- this was it. He pulled the bottle of Pepper Breath Potion from his pocket and uncorked it. Though just as he did, something struck him.

'Hang on,' he thought to himself. 'This looks like the pumpkin juice for everyone, not just the Slytherins…if I put this in here, then…'

Peter spun around.

"Sirius!" he shouted again. "I- I found the pumpkin juice, but its-"

"Great!" replied Sirius from the fireplace, now having his cushions fluffed by Moffy. "Go right ahead!"

"B-but Sirius its all in one big-"

"Just _do _it, Peter!"

Peter turned back to the bubbling vat of juice, dubiously. His hand trembled as started to pour in the red potion. He paused after tipping in about a cupful, then considered how annoyed James and Sirius would be if he didn't do it right, and emptied the rest of the bottle's contents into the vat. Hoping he hadn't put too much in, and knowing he would have to at least warn the other Marauders not to drink the Pumpkin Juice that night, he stepped down and returned warily to Sirius.

"So," Sirius was saying to the house elves. "You've all been working here for…how long?"

The house elves nattered excitedly, all trying to squeeze a word in edgeways to their guest.

"Is that so!" said Sirius, trying to look interested. He noticed Peter standing by uneasily. "Ah, Peter! You're back! Everything 'go all right'?"

Peter nodded timidly. "Um…Sirius…th-there's something I have to talk to you about-"

"Later, Pete," said Sirius casually. He stood up and addressed the house elves.

"Well, it's been an absolute pleasure visiting you today. Thankyou very kindly for your hospitality and your help,"

Moffy latched onto Sirius' leg.

"S-Sir! You will come back and see Moffy, won't you?"

Sirius frantically tried to remove him as he stepped backwards. "Of course I will, as soon as possible! Thankyou for the tea, much appreciated!"

He leaned over to Peter. "Come on, lets get out of here," he mumbled.

The house elves waved teary-eyed as Sirius dragged Peter over to the exit.

Peter took one last fleeting look at the vat of pumpkin juice, which seemed to be bubbling with a little more vigour than before, and gulped.

* * *

Dinner time seemed to come around surprisingly quickly, and before long, the Marauders and other students were filing into the Great Hall routinely. Sirius and James were grinning from ear to ear in expectation, and already glancing over at the Slytherin table as they sat down, making sure they were facing them, so as to get a good view when things 'heated up'. Remus had given up on being annoyed with Sirius and James for today; it was pointless, he figured. Both of them were in far too much of a conceited mood to listen to anyone. Peter, for once, was the one who seemed most worried, and had barely spoken a word to anyone since he and Sirius had left the kitchen. He had tried in vain to explain to Sirius and James that he'd put the Pepper Breath Potion in everyone's juice, not just the Slytherin's- but they were in no mood to listen, and instead just continued boisterously bragging about how brilliant they were at getting away with pranks scott free.

As they sat at the Gryffindor table, the four of them noticed several students around the hall were sporting bandages- some more than others. One particular Slytherin girl who passed them was unaware that several blue feathers were poking out from under the dressings on her wrist- which James and Sirius found hysterically funny.

Remus was tempted to indicate to the self conscious looking bandaged students sitting scattered around the Hall and point out to his two friends the damage they'd caused, but remembered that he wasn't supposed to be telling them off anymore tonight, and simply sat quietly. Professor Quinn marched in, and passed their table, looking a bit unsteady on her feet, and as if she was suffering with a headache. James turned his gaze elsewhere, trying not to laugh.

"Can't see Snape yet," he commented. "Maybe he's still too feathery to leave the hospital wing yet!"

"Oh, this is going to be brilliant," whispered Sirius excitedly. "Well done for not messing it up, Wormtail!"

Remus looked sideways at Peter, who was chewing his fingernails and looking a little fretful.

"Are you all right, Peter?" he asked.

Peter nodded. "Yes," he said shrilly. "F-fine, thankyou,"

Remus wasn't convinced, but he didn't have time to press the matter, as food appeared on their tables, and people started to pile things onto their plates. Every golden goblet in site was now topped up with pumpkin juice. Peter closed his eyes, grimacing, as James and Sirius started to chuckle evilly.

"Any minute now, Padfoot," said James. "Someone poor unsuspecting Slytherin is going to take their first mouthful of Pepper Breath Pumpkin Juice!!"

"You two are cruel," Remus muttered, picking up his own goblet, and raising it to his mouth, ready to take a sip. Peter suddenly seized his arm, stopping him. Remus frowned slightly, giving him a questioning look.

Peter frantically shook his head, silently pleading him not to drink any.

Remus slowly lowered his goblet, cottoning on to what Peter was trying to tell him.

Sirius and James meanwhile were far too busy craning their necks to see if any Slytherin's had taken a drink yet.

A sudden strangled cry and a burst of fire from the Slytherin table told them that yes, someone had. The Great Hall fell considerably quieter as they looked over to see where the noise had come from. A little blonde first year was standing up, fanning his open mouth, his face bright red- he gave a few sharp coughs and flames shot out of his mouth like a dragon. The majority of the Great Hall roared with laughter, confused but thoroughly amused. The little blonde first year wasn't the only one- several more Slytherins began to cough and splutter, choking out thick orange flames, and looking utterly shocked and frightened. James and Sirius were in ecstasy and were both convulsing with laughter, bent double in their seats and pounding their fists on the table. Of course, they were both too busy laughing to notice that it wasn't only the Slytherin's who were flaming at the mouth- several Hufflepuffs, Ravenclaws and even Gryffindors further down the table from them were also starting to cough and cry out in alarm as they found themselves spewing red hot flames into the air. People were either laughing helplessly, shrieking, or breathing fire, and the Great Hall was quickly turning into a danger zone, with flames shooting forth from people's mouths in all directions. Brian Baddock from the Slytherin table was looking terrified at his sudden flame breathing ability, and was frantically guzzling more pumpkin juice to try to cool his mouth and throat down, and two Ravenclaw twins were particularly distressed as they had managed to set each other on fire, and were running around in circles screaming.

Remus looked at Peter worriedly- Peter himself had his face regretfully buried in his arms, not being able to watch.

"James," said Sirius through his giggling, still oblivious that their prank had gone a little further than they'd planned. He held up his full goblet. "James- I propose a toast!"

James in turn picked up his, wiping the tears from behind his glasses with a sigh. "To the Marauders!" he said. "And their brilliance!"

Peter looked up just as the two friends touched goblets.

"Guys-" he said in desperation. "I really, _really _have to tell you-"

"Don't ruin the moment, Wormtail!" laughed James. "Cheers!"

Both Remus and Peter winced as James and Sirius tilted their heads back and drank deeply, draining their goblets and setting them down again.

It happened almost instantly.

Sirius blinked and touched his forehead.

"Is it hot in here, or is it just me?" he asked.

"Just you, mate," joked James, but was also looking a bit flustered, and was loosening his collar, frowning slightly.

"Oh no," said Remus, in a small voice. Peter looked absolutely frantic.

Sirius and James were both growing red in the cheeks and sweating slightly, visibly getting warm. They both, at the same time, pressed their hands just below their chests, looking a bit worried.

"I don't feel right," said Sirius ominously.

"Me either," said James. "Feels like I'm going to-"

He didn't finish. Both sets of eyes widened. They staggered out of their seats, coughing so violently anyone would have thought they were choking to death. Then, at the same time, they both gave incredibly forceful retches and doubled over, hacking up two enormous spurts of fire, scorching the floor.

Remus and Peter looked on in horror at their two friends as the chaos continued around them. James and Sirius stood panting and leaning on the table, trying to comprehend what had just happened- they didn't have much time, though, as both were overtaken by another wave of fire, and they started coughing and flaming again.

"PETER!!" Sirius shouted hoarsely between fire spurts, grasping the table for support. "_WHAT_ DID YOU _DO??"_

"I couldn't find the Slytherin goblets!" Peter wailed. "I'm sorry! I-I had to! It was the only way I could do it!"

James clutched his throat and coughed out a jet of flames that singed a nearby Ravenclaw girl's hair.

"You idiot, Pettigrew!!" he snarled once he'd recovered. "You _idiot!!!"_

"I'm sorry, James!" cried Peter, trying to sound as sincere as he could with people all around him screaming and breathing fire.

Sirius reeled back and produced another gush of flames, this time setting a 3rd year Hufflepuff boy's robe hood on fire. The boy, sensing things were getting a bit toasty, screamed in realisation and immediately dropped to the ground, rolling around trying to extinguish himself.

Several teachers- who had figured that the pumpkin juice was the source of the problem- were hurrying down the aisles, flicking their wands to clearing away the goblets as quickly as they could, dodging the students who were still uncontrollably fire breathing. Luckily the majority seemed to be cooling down now, and were now only coughing out embers and dry wisps of smoke.

"No more," croaked James, collapsing. "Please no more,"

Peter looked as if he wanted to bolt out of the Hall before either James or Sirius punched him square in the face. Remus looked at them both anxiously.

"Are you two ok now?"

"Fine," snapped Sirius rather huskily, trying to clear his throat. "Absolutely flipping terrific, thanks to Peter,"

Peter looked distraught, absently pulling at his mousy hair.

"I said I was sorry," he offered feebly. "I-I'll never do it again!"

"You'll never bloody do _anything_ again if you don't shut that mouth of yours!" James rasped.

Remus glanced around the Great Hall, and for some reason even he wasn't sure of, started to smile slightly.

"Well," he said, looking back to his friends. "I guess you could say that one sort of '_backfired'_, couldn't you?"

"_Not funny, _Remus!" Sirius and James groaned in unison, slouching forward at the table.

"Not funny at _all!_"

* * *

Well, I think Sirius and James got what they deserved! RR, folks- next chapter will be under way soon. 


	6. Day 3, Part I: Loitering In Lavatories

* * *

James and Sirius barely spoke a word to Peter for the rest of the night- mainly because they were nursing sore, burnt throats as a result of the fire breathing, but aside from that they were still raging mad that he failed to inform them he'd tainted the whole school's pumpkin juice with Pepper Breath Potion, instead of just the Slytherins. Peter hadn't stopped trying though, and had been continuously begging for mercy ever since.

Remus was the only one of the Marauders who was happy as Day 3 of their pranking began. He was secretly pleased that the Pepper Breath incident had put a bit of an ironic dampener on his two over-confident friends, and was hoping that perhaps they would learn to ease on a bit. As good as it was that they had been taught a lesson, however- Remus found himself quickly getting fed up with James and Sirius giving Peter 'the old silent treatment', and acting as if he didn't exist.

He had just about had enough when things continued at breakfast on Wednesday morning.

"P-Please, James- S-Sirius, I really, _really-_"

"Do you hear something, Prongs?" asked Sirius, as if Peter's pleading was nothing more than the wind whistling through a crack in the wall.

"Nothing at all, Padfoot," replied James, casually buttering a piece of toast.

"No, me either. I must be imagining things. Silly me,"

Peter gave Remus a desperate look. Remus frowned, sighing sharply, lowering the copy of The Daily Prophet he was reading.

"Look, this has gone far enough," he said. "James, Sirius- I think Peter has something he would like to say to say to you,"

Sirius sniffed theatrically, and carried on in a throaty voice. "Tell _Peter_ that if he'd said something to us a little sooner, then James and I wouldn't be landed with the worst sore throats in the history of the world today!"

Peter looked doubly guilty.

"I'm _sorry_! Remus- tell them I'm sorry!"

"Tell Peter sorry isn't good enough, Remus," said James, also sounding husky.

Remus ignored them all and simply held the paper up higher, defensively.

"I did try to tell you!" Peter whimpered. "I did, didn't I Remus?"

"Didn't try very hard, did you?" James retorted. "Obviously didn't think it was important enough to tell us, did you? Did he, Remus?"

Remus couldn't take being caught in the cross fire anymore.

"All right, that's enough!" he said firmly, putting the paper down again. The other three fell silent. "Peter didn't mean for this to happen, he apologised, and I think its time you both accepted that. Anyway- don't you agree that some good has come out of this?"

James and Sirius looked highly affronted.

"Good?" shrilled Sirius, immediately regretting taking such a high tone, and gingerly touching his throat in pain.

"Yes," said Remus quietly. "Don't you see? You're not under suspicion anymore- any teachers who saw what happened would know it can't have been your fault, if you were victims too- I mean, not even really thick people fall for their own pranks. They'll think twice about blaming you now. Think about it,"

James and Sirius considered this for a moment, exchanging glances. Peter watched nervously.

"What do you think, Sirius?" asked James, sliding his glasses back up the bridge of his nose. "Should we forgive Wormtail? Even if he's singularly the biggest twerp in this room?"

"Oh, ok. Fine," said Sirius with effort. "Forgiven,"

Peter looked purely delighted.

"Oh, thankyou!" he said. "Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!"

Sirius rolled his eyes, flicking his dark hair out of his face. "All right, all right- you're lucky James and I aren't still coughing up flames, or we'd set that thick little head of yours on fire,"

"Should've done it while we had the chance," mumbled James gloomily.

Peter was too overjoyed to listen, and was simply happy they were speaking to him again.

"Well I'm glad you've sorted that out," smiled Remus. He looked at Sirius and James. "So I suppose you two are going to take it easy today, then?"

The two of them grinned madly. Remus' face fell, knowing he would have no such luck.

"Oh _contraire_, Moony!" said James, gesturing dramatically. "The Marauders don't let little things such as sore throats get in the way of their Marauding!"

"Precisely!" Sirius filled in. "We're only on the 3rd day, there's much to be done! And already I have a plan…this is going to be the best day yet!"

His eyes were twinkling with mischief. Peter looked a tad worried by this time.

"I don't know, Sirius," he said. "I don't want to mess things up again- I'm not good with potions and charms…can't we just stay with harmless Muggle pranks? You know, like wrapping things up in toilet paper?"

"Peter you really are a boring git sometimes, you know that?" James told him. "What's the use of going to a school that teaches magic if you don't have any fun with it?"

"But thankyou for bringing me into the theme for our next prank," continued Sirius. "The lavatories,"

"The-what? Oh no," said Remus, covering his face with his hands.

"Oh yes! This one's going to be brilliant, I can feel it in my bones!" said Sirius, winking at them. "Now…" he delved into his robes and brought out two cakes of slightly green soap. "You know what this is?"

"That's soap!" Peter piped up, glad he could contribute.

"Well done, Merlin," said Sirius sarcastically and quickly continued. "This isn't just ordinary soap. Its Zonko's finest _frogspawn_ soap,"

"Aha, Sirius, you've done us proud," said James.

Sirius grinned. "Why thankyou Prongs. Now, according to my research, there are two main things in this world that make girls scream in bathrooms. One is finding something disgusting in the sink. The other is spiders,"

Remus raised an eyebrow. "And I suppose you've done extensive research on this, have you?"

"Absolutely," said Sirius dismissively. "Now, my plan is for us to-"

"Black! _Potter_!"

Sirius and James jumped at being addressed so suddenly. Madam Pomfrey had approached them from behind and was glaring down at them reprovingly, her hands on her hips.

"Well? Would either of you care to explain why have I not seen you two in the Hospital Wing yet?"

"H-Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey?" asked James.

"Yes, for those sore throats!" she said, as though it were obvious. "I've been treating the other affected students all morning and all last night! Honestly, I would have thought that two fifth year boys would have had the common sense to put their health first! Lily Evans informed me she had seen you two among many others fall victim to that tainted Pumpkin Juice last night,"

"Thanks alot Lily," mumbled Sirius.

"I daresay the house elves are being severely reprimanded for letting such a thing happen…did you say something Mr Black?"

"No," said Sirius quickly. "But really, Madam Pomfrey, we feel fine, I don't-"

"Nonsense," Madam Pomfrey tutted. "You should have come straight to me, you two must be in an awful amount of pain, judging by how badly the other students were affected. Pepper Breath Potion in Pumpkin Juice, honestly…I hope they catch the culprit and give them what for! Come on, come with me- I'll have you both fixed up in a jiffy,"

James really couldn't be bothered being 'fixed up in a jiffy', and would rather have gone to lessons than lay in the Hospital Wing while Madam Pomfrey forced potions down his throat. "Really, Madam Pomfrey, we're both all right-"

"I won't hear such things, Potter. No excuses- you and Black are to come with me _now!_"

There was no way out. James and Sirius exchanged glances and stood up. Madam Pomfrey turned and left the hall, expecting them to follow.

"Looks like our next prank will have to be put on hold," said Sirius miserably, watching Madam Pomfrey leave. "While James and I go and get mothered by that old duffer,"

"She just won't take no for an answer," James muttered. He winced, touching his throat.

"Oh, but Madam Pomfrey is really nice," said Peter. "She'll cure your sore throats in a heartbeat!"

"Don't you talk to us about sore throats, Wormtail," growled Sirius, and Peter shrank back into his chair.

"Yes, well, maybe its for the best that you have to cancel your pranking for the moment," Remus said as he poured himself some coffee. "Besides, Sirius- I don't think you of all people should be trusted with going into a _girls_ bathroom,"

Sirius' eyes sparkled and he smiled.

"Perhaps you're right," he said. "Do _you_ wanna do it?"

"_What_??" exclaimed Remus.

"Excellent thinking!" said James happily. "Remus and Peter can do the prank while we're in the Hospital Wing!"

"No!" cried Remus. "I'm not getting dragged in to this! There's no way Peter and I are going to-"

"Please?" asked Sirius sweetly, cutting him off. "It'll be good for you!"

Remus gave him a totally perplexed look, searching him for a reason why creeping into a girls bathroom could possibly be good for him.

"It'll give Peter a chance to redeem himself," James pointed out, sparing Peter a meaningful glance. Peter nodded, thoroughly enthused, and eager to impress. "And plus," James continued, redirecting his gaze to Remus. "You said it yourself: no one suspects us anymore after last night,"

Remus thought for a moment, his eyes narrowed in thought.

"If we get caught," he said darkly. "Not only will I get my badge taken away, but I'll probably be expelled,"

"Come on, Moony!" said Sirius. "Take a chance, you little rebel, you! Or else we'll have to resort to blackmail,"

"B-blackmail?"

James leaned forward. "We'll tell everyone your secret,"

Remus paled in disbelief. "Y-you wouldn't-"

"Nah, we wouldn't, mate," said Sirius light heartedly. "Just wanted to sound threatening!"

Remus looked highly unimpressed. Peter looked between him, and James and Sirius, waiting for a response.

"So?" whispered James. "Will you do it? For us?"

"Your best friends?" added Sirius.

Remus sighed. And then, finally, he said, with much effort: "What's your plan then, Padfoot?"

* * *

Peter and Remus walked towards the girls lavatory on the 2nd floor as if they were heading for the gallows. Rightfully they should have been in Divination, but Remus had informed their teacher that he had some important 'Prefect' business to sort out, and Peter was helping him out. What they were about to do couldn't have been further from important Prefect business.

Sirius had given them instructions, and handed over the frogspawn soap to Peter to carry. He had also told them the rest of the plan, which was a little more harsh than simply swapping the cakes of soap around in the sinks.

"I- I don't like spiders much, Remus," Peter stammered, the two of them walking down a corridor towards the bathroom.

"Its all right- the hex doesn't actually create real spiders. Its just an illusion," replied Remus. "We won't be in there long. We'll just do what James and Sirius wanted, and then get out, and go back to our lesson,"

He turned this over in his mind, replaying what exactly it was they were doing, and realisation washed over him.

"This is ridiculous," he muttered. "They'll never let us forget it if we _don't_ go in, although they're bound to use it against us at some point if we _do_ go in…so really, Peter, I think we're caught between a rock and a hard place,"

Despite walking slow, the two boys eventually reached the foreboding door that marked the entrance to the girls bathroom.

"Well…here we are," said Peter, fiddling with his tie in a nervy manner. "Should-should we just- go in?"

Remus glanced back down the corridors, looking worried. He was clearly getting nervous, and kept running his hand through his hair.

"It…it doesn't sound like anyone is in there at the moment," he observed, glancing at Peter. "We should be…all right,"

Peter nodded.

"Well?"

Peter hesitantly put his hand to the door and gently pushed. It creaked open. Remus closed his eyes briefly, then mustered up all of his courage and peered in.

He was right, and they were in luck- the lavatory was deserted.

"I think its safe," he told Peter. "Come on- lets go,"

With one final fleeting glance down the corridors leading up to it, Remus and Peter ducked inside, half shielding their faces in case anyone was to see.

The door shut behind them. They were in. Remus breathed a sigh of relief.

"So far so good, I guess?" said Peter, twitching nervously. "I-I've got the soap,"

"Right," said Remus. He made his way over to the sink, and with disgust, picked up the slimy, existing soap, slipping it into his pocket. Peter did the same, and placed the bars of frogspawn soap in their place.

"Yuck," muttered Peter, rinsing his hands under the tap. "So-so what exactly happens when someone tries to use this?"

"Well," said Remus. "I'm no expert on Zonko products, but I'd imagine instead of foaming up, I guess upon using it you end up with a handful of frogspawn... trust Sirius to think of it,"

"That's really gross," said Peter, screwing up his face in disgust. "Wh-what about the spiders?"

Remus got out his wand and looked up around at the walls and the ceiling.

"I suppose we'll have to do those too," he said heavily. "If we don't, James and Sirius will find out,"

He aimed his wand and remembered the curse.

"_Arachnophillia_," he murmured. A white wisp shot out of the end of his wand and hit a spot high up on the wall. Fluffy white cobwebs began to festoon themselves around the walls and windows, spreading right out into the corners, and draping over the ornate stone carvings. They reached every corner, and across the ceiling like a thin white veil. It was then that spiders of all shapes and sizes began blossoming amongst them. Tiny little black ones, deadly looking red-backs, and huge hairy huntsmens- all scuttling around, spinning their own webs and wiggling their little spindly legs. There were hundreds of them, and every single one of them looked surprisingly real.

Peter gave a whimper, and even Remus shuddered slightly at the sight of them all.

"That will do," said Remus quietly.

"Can we go now?" whined Peter, watching the spiders and quivering.

"Yes, lets get out of here," said Remus. He tucked his wand back under his robes, and was just about to turn towards the door, when a sudden sound from outside hooked his and Peter's attention. They both stood as still as statues, listening.

It was footsteps. Not just of one person, but of many. They were getting closer. As was the approaching sound of chattering voices.

_Chattering girls_ voices.

It wasn't often that either Remus or Peter swore, but at this instant, they both cursed simultaneously and looked at each other in panic.

"Girls!!" hissed Remus. "What do we do??"

"I don't know!" Peter squeaked, voice wavering in fright. "We have to get out!!"

"We can't go out, they'll see us!" Remus moaned, dashing around the room. "There's only one door!"

Peter was jumping up and down in alarm. "We have to hide!!"

"Where??" Remus asked, glancing around frantically.

Peter clapped eyes on the toilet cubicles. "In there!" he cried.

It was risky, but the two boys had no choice. Remus hurtled over and threw himself inside one, Peter at his heels. They bolted the door just in time.

They heard the girls enter in a burst of giggles and excited gossiping.

Remus shut his eyes and put his hands to his head, breathing fast. Peter proved that it was possible to chew all ten fingernails at once.

"Just be quiet," whispered Remus, panic-stricken and looking pale. "They'll never know, as long as we're _quiet_,"

The group of what seemed to be about 4 girls had clearly not yet noticed the arrangement of spiders crawling around all over the ceiling and the top of the walls, in amongst yards of floaty cobwebs- they all appeared far too absorbed in girly chitchat, and were most likely doing makeup in front of the mirrors.

"So do you really think Lily likes Potter?" asked one girl.

"Absolutely," replied another. "Its written all over her face after she's been talking to him,"

Remus and Peter looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah," said another girl. "It must be one of those love-hate relationships. They're always arguing! Potter's such a self-centred git, though!"

"I know!" said the first girl. "But I fancy that Sirius Black- he's a bit of a looker!"

All of the girls giggled.

"But he's just as egotistical as Potter," stated one of them. "The pair of them are a couple of total pratts, everyone knows that! I like that cute friend of theirs,"

"Who, Lupin?"

Remus's eyes widened.

"Yeah," crooned one of the girls. "He's so gorgeous and sweet!"

They all giggled again.

Peter was mouthing wordlessly. Remus came to his senses and grabbed him by the shoulders, his cheeks a bit flushed.

"We have to get out of here!!" he whispered as quietly as possible.

"How?" asked Peter. "If only we had James' invisibility cloak!"

The girls continued talking.

"But all 3 of them hang around with that clingy little rat, you know, Pettigrew!"

"Eurgh!" squealed one of them. "I hate him!"

Peter looked extremely hurt, however the girls' comments had given Remus an idea. "Peter!" he said softly. "You need to transform! You can distract them, while we both run out!"

"They hate me!" Peter wailed quietly.

"Peter- it doesn't matter right now!" said Remus hastily. "Quickly! Transform! You go and cause a diversion- then I'll lead the way out, all right?"

Peter pulled himself together enough to nod, and then stepped back, looking like he was concentrating very hard.

He squeezed his eyes shut tight and began to shrink as his features became rodent-like. His face lengthened to a long mousy nose, he sprouted long whiskers, a tail and soon enough, Peter was nothing more than a brown rat, timidly sniffing around on the floor.

"Ok," said Remus, taking a deep breath. "Go!"

Wormtail shot out of the cubicle, squeaking frenetically.

"What's that?" asked one girl vaguely, hearing the squeaks.

"A RAT!!" shrieked another, setting them all off into a symphony of ear splittingly high screams.

"EWWW!!"

"I HATE RATS!!!"

"ITS DISGUSTING!!"

"IT PROBABLY CAME OUT OF THE LOO!"

"WHERE DID IT GO???"

"EYAAAAAHHH!!"

Remus took his chances and flung the cubicle door open- he cannoned out, through the cluster of screaming girls, bolting towards the exit after Wormtail, his robe hood pulled down over his face. He single-handedly wrenched the door open, stumbled out and ran like he'd never run before.

A rather bemused looking Filch- who happened to be passing- eyed him as he tore past, and a rather hungry looking Scraggles did the same to Wormtail, who was scuttling after him. With an angry growl, Scraggles was off, hot on Wormtail's trail.

"_Scraggles_!" Filch bellowed. "No!"

Wormtail, noticing he was now being hunted by an enormous cat, sped up, galloping along as fast as his little rat legs could carry him. Remus, hearing Filch behind him skidded to a stop, only to see Scraggles lunge at Peter and fasten his fangs around his friend, who was squeaking hysterically, writhing around.

Remus, suddenly not caring if Filch saw who he was, grabbed Scraggles around his scrawny waist and twisted his squeaking friend out of his jaws.

"You can't eat him!" he told the cat firmly.

Filch was slowly advancing, looking at him oddly.

"Lupin?!" he exclaimed. "What were you doing in the girls lav-"

He was cut off as another, even louder round of screams sounded from the girls bathroom, amidst which was a clearly perceptible cry of "_SPIDERS!!!"_.

Filch, hearing the blood curdling shrieks, turned and strode towards the bathroom- then, feeling it his duty as a caretaker to see to the problem, he opened the door.

This resulted in the loudest bout of screams yet from the girls- obviously they considered seeing Filch setting foot in their bathroom was 10 times scarier than any amount of rats or spiders.

Remus couldn't help but laugh to himself, and, still holding Wormtail- who was trembling violently- he left the scene, and didn't stop until he was several corridors away. He knelt down beside the One Eyed Witch statue and set the rat down on the floor, once he was sure the coast was clear.

"Its all right, Peter- its safe,"

Peter began to grow- the reverse of what had happened moments before. The whiskers vanished, as did the long thin tail, and eventually, he was human again. He looked a bit worse for wear, though- his robes were untidy and his mousy hair ruffled, and he was sobbing fretfully.

"Are you all right, Peter?" asked Remus gently.

Peter flung his arms around Remus gratefully. Remus, looking a little taken aback, patted him awkwardly on the back.

"Er- there, there?" he offered.

"You saved me Remus!" Peter choked, crying his eyes out into Remus' chest. "Thankyou!"

"That's fine, Pete- look, I don't want to sound rude, but- could you perhaps let go now? Filch has already seen me coming out of a girls bathroom; if he sees us hugging passionately like we are, I think he might start getting the wrong idea,"

"R-right," Peter snivelled, releasing Remus and drying his eyes. "I'm not ever doing that again, no matter what James and Sirius threaten to do to me,"

"No way," said Remus. He smiled. "We did it though, didn't we?"

Peter smiled too, gulping back a few tears. "Y-yeah," he said. "I nearly got eaten, b-but we did it,"

Remus was grinning in an uncharacteristically evil manner. "Do you think we should tell the others what we overheard? You know, the whole 'self-centered, total pratt' thing?"

Peter thought for a minute, then shook his head, also grinning.

"Yes, I agree," said Remus. "I think we'll just keep that little bit of knowledge to ourselves…we'll save it until next time James and Sirius need their egos deflated. Come on, lets go,"

And with that, Peter Pettigrew and Remus Lupin left the 2nd floor corridors, feeling bad…but feeling well and truely like Marauders.

* * *

A brief thankyou to all my readers so far- I'm rather shocked anyone read it and could be bothered commenting at all! But again, thankyou, you know who you are! More to come...er...if you don't mind, that is xD 


	7. Day 3, Part II: Offensive Owl Post

**

* * *

Author's note: Haha. Well, its me again. I must be sounding like a broken record, repeatedly saying thankyou like this, but- well- thankyou! The reviews and kind words mean alot to me, you're all incredibly sweet:)**

**To Ceyxa- Yes, rest assured- the broom pranks are on my list. I have a Quidditch chapter planned. And I am loving the underwear idea! If I add that in at some point, I'll be sure to acknowledge that it was your idea.**

**To jasmine-rose- To answer your question: The idea just came to me one morning, out of the blue! I love reading about the Marauders getting into mischief, and thought it would be fun to write a story based around that .**

**To vanity is my name- very observant of you! I figured since this is the Marauders time, and quite a few years previous to Harry's time, chances are Filch would have had a different cat. Scraggles is probably Mrs Norris' grandfather, or something xD**

**Anyhoo, enough from me: on with the Marauding!**

* * *

Whilst Remus and Peter were trying to get over the shock of actually playing a successful practical joke all by themselves, James and Sirius, sadly, were not having quite as much fun. They had gone to the Hospital Wing straight after breakfast, on Madam Pomfrey's orders, where she had given them each a sickly purple syrup to drink for their burnt, sore throats and made them lie down on beds while she tended to other patients- all the while, vaguely muttering about how she'd never had so many people in the Hospital Wing at once. It was true- nearly every bed was taken by students; some bandaged, some with traces of blue feathers still growing on their faces, some with singed hair and eyebrows, and the latest to join them- a rather pale faced arachnophobic girl who was trembling in utter fear, whimpering about spiders in bathrooms.

Both Marauders were getting extremely bored, and couldn't find a reason as to why they should stay any longer. Madam Pomfrey, on the other hand, could find a dozen, and every time they attempted to leave, she would tell them off and push them back down on their beds.

Sirius groaned, leaning back onto his lumpy hospital pillow.

"This is SO boring, Prongs. We shouldn't be in here- we've got Marauding to do!"

"I know," muttered James, rolling over. "Why won't she let us go? We're both fine,"

"Because the pair of you need rest!" Madam Pomfrey chimed in as she walked past them with a tray of potions. "And that means your voices, too!"

Sirius scowled and sat up.

"Madam Pomfrey, really, we're both feeling better now, so if you could just-"

"Lie down, Black!" she snapped. "You may leave when I say so!"

Sirius flopped back down on his bed, furiously.

"How d'you reckon Moony and Wormtail went?" asked James idly staring up at the high ceiling.

"I guess we'll find out, if we ever escape from here," Sirius replied dourly.

"I don't want to sound depressive," continued James. "But with Wormtail's tendency to mess things up, and Moony's tendency to go all Prefect-ish…"

"Ah, they're probably fine," said Sirius. "All they need to do is learn to embrace their inner miscreant,"

"Too true, Padfoot," said James. "We all have one of those! Well- except maybe…" his voice trailed off as he spotted Severus Snape entering through the main doors, as if on cue.

"Him?" Sirius finished for him, sniggering slightly. Snape was still heavily bandaged from the potion explosion the previous day, and he was looking even more sullen that usual. James and Sirius had just begun to ponder whether this was because he too had a sore throat from the slightly spiced up pumpkin juice, when Madam Pomfrey answered the question for them.

"Ah- Severus Snape. I'll go and get some serum for that sore throat of yours- you go and lie down on the end bed, there, and I'll be with you in a tick. Have any of those bandages come off?"

Snape shook his head.

"No? Good. Its been a day, the feathers should be nearly all gone by now,"

Sirius snorted a little too loudly at this, and Snape turned his head sharply to look at them as Madam Pomfrey bustled off.

"What are you laughing at?" he snarled.

"Oh I'm not _laughing_," said Sirius, raising his eyebrows. "I was just _coughing_- James and I have terribly sore throats after the feast last night. We were unfortunate enough to drink some of that awful pumpkin juice,"

"Oh yes," said James, in a voice of mock annoyance. "Yes, when I find the little sod who's responsible-"

An ugly, livid look was creeping its way across Snape's half bandaged face. "What are you talking about? It was you! You did it! You-you must have! Just like my potion! You put something in the Pumpkin Juice as a joke!"

"Why do you think it was us, Snivelly?" asked James squarely. "Do you _really_ think we'd drink it if we knew it would make us cough up fireballs?"

Snape wrestled with this idea for a minute, then when he realised he had no answer for this, he gave up, storming away.

"That's right!" called Sirius, practically out of his bed. "You think things through sensibly before you go about making horrible accusations like that, Mr Snape!"

"BLACK!" Madam Pomfrey hollered. "I thought I told you to lie down and BE QUIET!"

"Sorry!" Sirius whispered.

James paused for a moment, then beckoned Sirius to lean over.

"We really have to get out of here," he said. "Any ideas?"

"Distracting _her_ is the way to go," said Sirius, glaring over at Madam Pomfrey. "But how…"

They sat in silence for a moment, thinking.

"Wait!" said James suddenly. He reached over to his school bag, which was sitting on the floor next to him, tore it open, and began rummaging around in search of something.

Sirius watched, curiously.

"I put something in here the other day," James muttered, still looking, "hoping it would come in handy, you know…and it has!"

Finally James found what he was looking for- beaming proudly, he held up a full white paper bag.

"What's that?" asked Sirius.

James turned the bag around to reveal, stamped in gold lettering, a label that read "Gambol and Japes Fog for all Occasions!"

Sirius grinned as if reading James' thoughts.

"A diversion!" he said. "Brilliant, Prongs,"

James quickly stuffed the bag under his pillow as Madam Pomfrey strolled past with a trolley. Waiting until she was preoccupied with Emmeline Vance a few beds down from them, James slowly withdrew the bag again.

"Ok, we set this off, no one will be able to see a thing," he said quietly to Sirius. "That's when we take our chances and run. All right?"

"Got it," replied Sirius. "Desperate times call for desperate measures,"

"That's right," agreed James. "We need to escape and she just happens to be in our way. Rule number one for being a Marauder: you have to be _ruthless_,"

James drew his wand and aimed it at the bag- checking no one was watching, he gave it a quick swish and flick, and whispered _"Wingardium Leviosa"_

The bag of Fog Powder lifted out of the palm of his hand and drifted into the air. James stuck his tongue out in concentration and began to direct it upwards, towards the centre of the room.

For the two boys, this couldn't possibly have been a worse time for Severus Snape to look up from his bed over the opposite side of the room. His eyes fell on the white paper bag slowly drifting upwards to the centre of the room. A look of complete shock and confusion swept over his face and he tried desperately to say something, but couldn't seem to find the words.

"Uh oh- Snivellus at 10 o'clock," muttered Sirius. "Quick, James!"

"MADAM POMFREY!" Snape eventually managed to cry, pointing a shaking finger at the Marauders, eyes still fixed on the floating bag of fog powder.

"Now, James!" hissed Sirius. James took one last fleeting glance at Snape just as Madam Pomfrey turned to him questioningly, and flicked his wand once more. The bag exploded with a sound like the bang from a gunshot.

Immediately a pastel pink fog fell over the Hospital Wing like someone dropping a heavy curtain. Several people screamed, Madam Pomfrey being one of them, and began coughing as they breathed in the thick smoky substance. It was thicker than the thickest pea soup one could imagine, and getting thicker- James and Sirius could barely see their hands in front of their faces, but knew it was now or never. Or at least now or not until morning recess.

"Go!" said James.

Together, he and Sirius both grabbed their bags, commando rolled out of their beds and hurtled out into the aisle, or at least, in the direction of the aisle- truthfully they had no idea where they were going. It wasn't long before panic started to rise amongst the other students, and several unidentified noises rose from all corners of the room as they fell out of beds, or ran into each other, stumbling blindly around in the murkiness.

"What's going on??" shrieked Madam Pomfrey. "Everybody stay calm and _stay put_! I'll get my wand and have this sorted in no time-"

There was a pause, then a thud, then a rising wail from Madam Pomfrey- it sounded awfully like she'd fallen over.

"James, I can't see a bloody thing!" cursed Sirius. "Where ARE you??"

"I wish I knew!" moaned James, feeling around in front of him. "Hang on, think I've found-"

"Eyahhh! Who's touching my hair??" screamed Emmeline Vance, flailing around and catching James square in the jaw.

"OW!" he cried, clutching his face and stumbling backwards into what felt like a bed- fortunately unoccupied.

"James?" asked Sirius, staring around pointlessly. All he could see was a mass of fuzzy pink smog.

"I'm over here!" groaned James.

"Hang on-" Sirius awkwardly took off in the general direction of his voice, and collided with Madam Pomfrey's potion trolley, upsetting all of the vials and bottles of medicinal serums. There was a horrendous crash, and the shattering of glass as they tumbled to the floor and onto Sirius, who had tripped over in the process, and was now swearing heavily.

"BLACK!" came Madam Pomfrey's voice from somewhere amidst the haze. "I'll not have you use that foul language in my Hospital Wing!!"

"It was them, Madam Pomfrey!" Snape suddenly shouted through the fog. "Black and Potter! They did this!"

"Oh, zip it, Snivellus," snarled James. "I do wish you'd stop blaming everything on us!"

"Y-y-you!!" Snape screeched. "It _was_ you, you liar!!"

Madam Pomfrey didn't take much convincing.

"Is this _true_, boys?" she queried, her wavering slightly with anger. "Well?"

But James and Sirius didn't answer. The two boys had found both each other and the direct path to the exit, and were now haring towards it.

"Potter!! Black?? Answer me!" Madam Pomfrey howled. She cried out, and there was another crash as she tripped over the trolley. James and Sirius hit the old oak doors and pushed them open, diving out in a cloud of pink fog, and falling flat on the cold stone floor outside.

They both lay there for a moment, panting, before getting to their feet and dusting their robes off.

Sirius looked around. "I can see!" he said gleefully.

"I can't," commented James. His glasses were sitting lopsided on his nose, and were coated with pale pink dust. He removed them and wiped them on the sleeve of his robe. Sirius peered into his friend's face and observed that his nose was bleeding slightly from Emmeline Vance's impromptu punch.

"Ouch," said Sirius with a wince, pointing. "How did that happen?"

"I got hit. By a girl," James replied, grimacing and replacing his clean glasses.

"And it probably won't be the last time, mate,"

Sirius' shaggy black hair was dripping slightly with a thick green potion, and the right hand shoulder of his robes looked damp. James raised his eyebrows at this.

"Potion trolley," said Sirius simply. "Its amazing what can happen when all you can see is fluffy pink fog," He glanced back over his shoulder at the Hospital Wing doors. They could still hear Madam Pomfrey carrying on. "Think we should do something?" he asked guiltily.

"Nahh, they'll be fine," said James, waving his hand. "It'll lift in a minute or two. Good stuff, though, works a treat- we'll have to stock up next time we're in Diagon Alley,"

"Come on, lets get out of here before Pomfrey finds the way out and gives us a good hiding,"

James and Sirius backed away from the Hospital Wing and raced up a flight of stairs. They didn't speak again until they were at least a floor and a half away from it.

"I can't believe Snape…did you _hear_ the slimeball??" Sirius spat. "He was downright blaming us, and he had no proof!"

James scratched the back of his head. "Well, he did see me levitating the bag,"

"Yeah, well- still!" Sirius obviously didn't se this as a good enough reason. "I don't see why he's compelled to be such a snivelling little teacher's pet all the time,"

"I don't know if Madam Pomfrey will believe him," said James. "I don't think anyone will- look at him, he's got no friends,"

"Except for Professor Quinn," said Sirius with a wink. "He's her star pupil. Only because he's hopelessly in love with her,"

"What a sad, strange git," sighed James. "But that's no reason for anyone to feel sorry for him…anyway, I think we should make the most of this. We don't have to go to lesson- after all, everyone thinks we're still in the Hospital Wing,"

Sirius had cottoned on. "Yeah…how about we cause a little more trouble?" He wiggled his eyebrows. "I'm in the mood for a good dose of mischief,"

James' face lit up and he froze. "Padfoot," he said softly. "I do believe I've just hada superbly Marauder-ish idea…involving dear old Snivellus,"

"Oh, do enlighten me!" Sirius begged.

The two paused in the deserted corridor.

"Well," said James. "First things first, we need to get to the Owlery,"

"And then?"

James grinned oddly. "Are you any good at poetry?"

* * *

Mid-morning break soon rolled around, and students began to pour out of their classes. Remus and Peter, too, left the library where they had been sitting (under the annoyingly watchful eye of Madam Pince, who was being even stricter than usual since the books incident), and had just started to head down towards the Hospital Wing to see Sirius and James, when they, along with other students, heard a familiar sound approaching.

Remus and Peter paused, listening.

"That sounds like owls," said Peter slowly.

Remus looked puzzled. "But- the mail's already been today," he said. "At breakfast…no, it can't be…"

He was soon proved wrong. From the other end of the corridor, in a great flurry of feathers, beating wings and raucous hooting, a hurricane of owls came flying around the corner and soaring over the heads of students- each was carrying a small roll of parchment, which they began dropping at random. Remus and Peter looked at each other in confusion as the whirlwind of birds flapped overhead, their wings whipping their hair about as if a gale was blowing- it seemed as if every single one in the Owlery had been released. Students began catching the rolls of parchment and unrolling them curiously- a couple of tawny owls swooped down to the two Marauders and delivered them their own rolls, which they held for a moment or two before cautiously unfurling them.

"Perhaps it's a newsletter?" shrugged Remus.

"It must be!" squeaked Peter in agreement.

However, yet again they were soon to be proved wrong. As the last of the hundreds of owls passed and flew off in search of more students to deliver their messages to, Remus, Peter and the other students in the corridor turned their attention to the little roll of parchment they noweach held in their hands, and were just about to start reading the curly writing…when someone else did it for them.

The parchments twitched, the writing wriggled for a moment, then a cheerful tune started up, seemingly from nowhere. Then, magically, voices like a chirpy chorus of schoolgirls began to joyfully sing the verses written on all of the scrolls :

"_Slimy, snivelling Severus Snape,_

_A truly detestable git;_

_With the handsome good looks of a well groomed slug,_

_And a Flobberworm's charm and wit_

_If you know him, we're sorry: we do sympathize,_

_He's really a mean little sod;_

_Girls, if you're listening, please take our advice:_

_You're better off dating a cod_

_He's rarely amusing- except for on Tuesday_

_When Potions with him was a hoot;_

_His Draft of Peace exploded with ease_

_And he's still got the feathers, to boot_

_Those long greasy locks, that great crooked nose,_

_That insipidly pale sallow skin,_

_But by far the most horrible aspect of Snape _

_Is his crush on Professor Quinn!"_

There was an explosion of laughter from students not just in that immediate corridor, but apparently all over the castle. As the song started up a second time, Remus and Peter slowly exchanged glances, knowing exactly who was responsible.

"Those…idiots," muttered Remus, although he too looked as if he was fighting the urge to laugh. "They've really done it now,"

Peter couldn't reply- he was snorting as the poem re-recited the part about Potions. All around them students were collapsing with laughter, clutching their pieces of parchment and trying to dry their teary eyes.

"So what do you think, fellow Marauders?" said a voice from behind them. Peter and Remus turned around to see James and Sirius standing behind them, grinning from ear to ear.

Remus looked down at his parchment in amusement then back up at his two friends.

"I think its quite good," he choked. "But I don't think Snape is going to think so,"

"No, pity," Sirius sighed. "He _should_ appreciate it, though. It took us ages to think of something that rhymed with 'sod',"

"_And_ we had to sneak into the kitchens again to get enough biscuits for all the Owls," added James. "Which was more difficult than it sounds- Sirius got swamped by a hoard of excited house elves,"

"Moffy in particular,"

The gales of laughter sweeping the hall were short-lived, though- the sharp clopping of high heeled shoes announced Professor Quinn's arrival. Most of the students who had managed to recover slightly only redoubled in laughter when they saw her. Quinn couldn't have been further from finding the cheerful little ditty entertaining. Her wand was drawn and her cheeks looked flushed as she stormed down the corridor, Slytherin robes flying behind her and her hawk eyes flashing dangerously. She clearly wasn't too happy with the context in which her name was mentioned in the poem.

As she passed students holding rolls of parchment, she forcefully flicked her wand at them, causing the paper to disintegrate away to nothing in their hands- much to their dismay. The four Marauders and several others hastily stuffed their own copies into their robes for safekeeping as they saw this happening.

"James…" said Remus in a low voice as Quinn approached. "I think you and Sirius better hide…she's bound to think its you,"

"No worries, we've got it covered," said Sirius casually, then proceeded to say in a loud voice: "Wow, I wonder who wrote this?"

James followed his lead. "Indeed! I heard it was PEEVES!"

Professor Quinn stopped and looked at him, breathing hard. Other nearby students began chattering excitedly after hearing James' claim, and the news that Peeves had indeed written the poem began travelling immediately.

"Is that true, Potter?" she asked curtly.

James nodded fervently.

"Oh, yes- I saw him with my own eyes, Professor," he insisted.

Professor Quinn gritted her teeth.

"Right," she snapped, and stormed off again.

"Nice save, Prongs," said Sirius. He smiled sadly. "Poor, _poor_ Peeves,"

Peter giggled.

James stretched. "Yeah," he said. "There's nothing quite as satisfying as shifting the blame, is there?"

* * *


	8. Day 4, Part I: Suddenly Sludged

* * *

The very last things on the Marauders minds as they drifted off to sleep that night, were the consequences of blaming Peeves for the poem about Snape, which by that time every student in the school had heard, and so had a fair few of the teachers, too. However, if there was one thing they _should_ have been worrying about: it was exactly that. For Peeves was not one to be severely scolded for something he, for once, didn't do, and take it lying down- the moment he had been reprimanded for the offence, and told it was James Potter and Sirius Black that had 'supposedly' seen him doing it, Peeves instantly knew that revenge was in order.

Revenge of the naughtiest, evilest, most devious kind.

If there was someone in the school aside from the Marauders, who would take any excuse to cause some trouble, it was Peeves.

And so as they awoke on Thursday 29th March, Day 4 of their string of practical jokes- neither Peter Pettigrew, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black nor James Potter had _any_ idea what the Hogwarts Poltergeist had in store for them. They weren't to know at that time, that there was about to be a little 'assisted' prank backfiring- of a very unpleasant nature.

* * *

Still in their Gryffindor dressings gowns, the Marauders assembled around their dormitory whilst James searched under his bed for the list they had made.

"I think its brilliant that Peeves'll now be getting the blame for all of this," said Sirius with a casual, and rather conceited flick of his hair. "I mean, now whatever we do the teacher's will just think its him!"

"And what do you think Peeves will think of this?" queried Remus, crossing his arms.

Sirius gave a careless shrug. "He won't care- he's always doing this kind of thing. He's probably honoured that everyone thinks _he _wrote the poem, and did all that other stuff too,"

"If you think about it, its really awfully good of us to give him that pleasure," said James, sounding muffled from under the bed. "You know, letting him steal our thunder and all. He'll be getting the praise we rightly deserve,"

"He'll also be getting the ear-bashing from the teachers we rightly deserve," Remus pointed out.

"Maybe you should talk to Peeves?" Peter suggested as James crawled out, triumphantly holding the list. "Like, sort things out?"

"Wormtail," said Sirius, closing his eyes. "We're Marauders. Not diplomats. We _cause trouble_, not make peace. Understand?"

Peter nodded but still didn't look entirely defeated. "B-but- if you just let him _know_ that-that we didn't mean any harm, you know, by-by framing him and all-"

"Peter, he doesn't care!" cried James exasperatedly, brandishing the rolled up piece of parchment in Peter's face. "He'd take the blame for anything! We could rob every galleon from Gringotts and blame him, and he still probably wouldn't care! What can they possibly do to him? He's a spirit- which is practically the same as a ghost! They can't expel him or anything- I'm sure people blame things on him all the time- he probably gets a kick out of it!"

"In fact," said Sirius. "I won't be surprised if next time we see him, he congratulates us!"

"Let me guess- are you going to make him an honorary 5th Marauder?" asked Remus with a dry smile.

"Brilliant!" Sirius' face had lit up. "Top thinking, Rem- we'd be unstoppable with a Poltergeist on our side!"

Remus looked worried. "I was being sarcastic," he said. James unrolled the list and looked through it, eyes narrowed in thought.

"These are all fairly basic," he said slowly. "We've done that one…that one…ah, here we go-"

"Lets see, Prongs!" Sirius scooted around so as he too could read what had caught James' attention. He gave a gasp. "Oh that's just _too_ good,"

James had suddenly acquired a manic grin that Remus didn't like the look of.

"What is it?" he asked nervously.

James threw the list aside and darted over to his bed, where he swept down to his school supplies and began shuffling around- within no time at all, he drew out a large piece of blank parchment, which he spread out on the floor. He grabbed his quill and ink, dipped it in, then feverishly began to scribble an elaborate diagram that made no sense whatsoever to Remus and Peter.

"Sheer geniuses, we are," muttered Sirius to himself. "If this isn't the best bloody prank we've done so far, then I'll dance naked down Diagon Alley!"

Peter giggled uncontrollably at this.

"Don't encourage him, Peter," said Remus with a disapproving look.

"And try not to look so excited by it, either, Wormtail, or I'll start to seriously worry about you," said James, still immersed in his drawing.

"Hey, whatever floats his boat!" said Sirius evenly.

James threw down his quill and pushed his messy hair back out of his face. "Gentlemen," he said grandly, holding up the parchment. "I give you: the _slime bucket_,"

"The what?" asked Remus flatly. James spread the diagram of dotted lines and little symbols back on the floor again and signalled for them all to come over. They knelt down in a circle around the picture and James launched into an explanation.

"This is the second floor corridor, near the History of Magic room," he said, pointing frenetically at the parchment. "Near the classroom, there's this archway- see it? A huge, tall, _wide_ archway- you know the one I mean? A lot of people are going to come through this at recess time,"

"S-so?" asked Peter looking eager. "What are we going to do, James?"

"Patience, Petey. Look, here," he pointed to a little cluster of stick figures on the diagram. "This is us, right?"

"Yeah, and here's Snivellus- with his underpants on his head," said Sirius, grabbing the quill and doodling a rather insulting picture of Snape in the corner. Peter slumped forwards, snorting with laughter.

"Someone woke up in a very mature today," commented Remus airily, as Sirius scrawled a derogatory message underneath his little cartoon of Snape, causing Peter to howl and redouble his giggles.

"Ok," said James. "So here's us, here's Snape- thankyou Sirius- and _here-_" he pointed above the arch, "is the slime bucket!"

Peter gawped at James as if it were something superbly sacred.

James continued. "Basically, we fill the bucket up with a whole load of disgusting goopy stuff, and don't worry, I know exactly where we can get some of that. We position it here, above the arc, cast that nifty little sensing charm Flitwick so kindly taught us- so as the _second_ someone passes directly underneath it…"

"Splat?" asked Sirius, wearing a very deranged grin on his face.

"Yes," established James, also grinning. "_Splat_,"

"_Gadzooks_, James! We've done it! Its foolproof!" cried Sirius (who was now adding a few speech bubbles coming from his Snape caricature, reading things such as "Professor Quinn turns me on," and "I do odd things to kneazles when no one's watching"). "Oh! And we can hide behind that Godric Gryffindor statue, with your invisibility cloak, and watch the whole thing!"

A thrilled gasp from Peter told them he was obviously happy with the plan. A frustrated sigh from Remus told them he wasn't.

"Problem, Moony?" queried James, sweetly.

"I don't quite know when exactly you're planning to do all this," said Remus. "You may have forgotten, but we're in school. We have lessons to go to. Speaking of which, I've barely had time to do any homework lately because of you-"

"Don't you worry yourself about that, Rem," said Sirius carelessly. "The more time we spend disobeying the rules now, the more time we'll have to obey them later!"

Remus looked back at him, perplexed. "That doesn't make any sense at all!" he retaliated.

But 'making sense' was not on the cards for James and Sirius, in their current state- they were looking more hyped than ever, ready and raring to go. James hurriedly rolled up his diagram and list, and stuffed them back behind his bed, out of sight. He turned to his friends, glowing with enthusiasm.

"Are we ready?"

"Oh, we're ready all right, Prongsy!" said Sirius, clapping his hands together. "Time to officially begin Day Four!"

James swiped up his Invisibility cloak from where it was hanging on his bed post, and left the dormitory, with Peter scampering close behind him. Remus clearly wasn't as keen as his friends were for Day Four to start, and he stood shaking his head until Sirius grabbed his wrist and dragged him unwillingly out of the door.

In the now empty dormitory, a familiar cackle floated through the air, and with a sudden 'pop', the Hogwarts Poltergeist appeared, hovering where the four Marauders had stood moments before.

"Well, well, well! Naughty 5th years planning to cause some more trouble!" he hissed, a grin spreading across his wickedly cheeky face. "Time for Peevesy to teach thems a lesson!"

* * *

Anyone superstitious would have said that the thunderstorms and drizzly rain that started to fall over Hogwarts that morning was a bad omen that things were about to go wrong for the Marauders. However, no amount of depressing rain or black clouds could dampen their spirits. James and Sirius were so enthused about their plans that they found they had to turn down the happiness a tad (particularly when they passed Professor Quinn in the Great Hall, and she demanded to know what they were so pleased about) in order to avoid suspicion. They barely needed to, though- the talk amongst the students was that Peeves had been caught and reprimanded as the offender, for not only writing the poem, but also for a number of other mischievous deeds that had occurred in the castle over the past few days. This put the two in even higher spirits, and it made James so happy that he almost marched himself straight over to Lily Evans to ask her out- on the other hand, he knew she would take some winning over before agreeing. The two of them weren't exactly best friends, so he decided against it, for the time being.

With a great amount of tact- namely, Remus lying to Professor Flitwick that he felt ill again- the four Marauders managed to get out of Charms second lesson to do some arranging in time for recess. James had lead them all out into the cold, where waves of misty rain were falling down over the grounds, chilling them all to the bone. They began to follow him down towards Hagrid's Hut, hoping he knew what he was doing.

"Step One:" said James, obviously not phased by the drizzle, which had already soaked through his hair, plastering it to his forehead. "Find some sludgy stuff,"

"I wish that excited me as much as it excites you two," said Remus in a rather deadpan voice, hugging his robes around him tightly. "James, this is ridiculous, we're all going to catch colds being out here-"

"Its only a bit of rain!" exclaimed Sirius, raising his arms to the sky. His now soaking wet black hair looked even blacker. "All this will be worth it just to see someone falling into our trap at recess time, believe me Remus,"

"Really. Well…well I don't want you to make me lie to Professor Flitwick again,"

"Relax, Moony! He doesn't suspect a thing!"

"Yeah, excellent fibbing there," said James, sounding impressed. "You could use that excuse to him every day and he wouldn't think you were up to anything. You're _really_ handy, you know?" he added with a warm smile.

Remus looked impatient. "I'm just one big excuse to you, aren't I?"

There was a squeak and an audible squelch from behind them- Peter had slipped over and landed gracelessly on his backside in the mud. He smiled painfully up at his friends.

"Pratt," muttered Sirius.

* * *

Luckily for them, Hagrid didn't seem to be around his hut, and was probably out around the grounds, so James suggested. He beckoned for them all to follow him around to the back of the hut, where there was a small adjoined section with an old wooden door. James pushed it open to reveal a musty little shed of sorts, with several shelves and supplies stored away inside.

Soaking wet and shivering, this little shelter suddenly seemed very inviting to the Marauders, and after checking once more that Hagrid was not about to spring them, they stepped inside.

It had the smell of a mixture of oats and rotten cabbage, but nevertheless it was warm and dry, and they were glad to get out of the rain.

"What's this place?" asked Peter.

"Hagrid's supply shed," said James, glancing around. "Its where he keeps all of his supplies. You know, food for those weird creatures he's got,"

"Got the bucket, James," called Sirius, holding up an large, wooden pail. "What're we gonna put in first?"

"The most disgusting things we can find," leered James. His eyes fell on a large overflowing bucket of something black and gunky on a nearby shelf. The label read, in Hagrid's untidy scrawl: 'Bat Spleens'

James pointed to his recent discovery. "Some of that, for sure,"

Peter eagerly lifted the bucket of sloppy bats spleens and tipped a fair amount of them into the wooden collecting one.

"Frog brains!" cried Sirius happily, taking a smaller container off another shelf and emptying its contents also into their wooden bucket- the greyish brains fell amongst the bat spleens with revolting slopping sounds.

James took a wide tin of what looked like slug segments, and without hesitation, emptied those in too.

Remus winced in revulsion. "What sort of animals or creatures would want to eat this sort of thing is beyond me," he commented.

"H-hey, look up there!" said Peter, pointing tentatively up to a high shelf. "Does-does that say 'Minced Rats Tails'?"

James and Sirius looked up to the container Peter was pointing to.

"Hey, you're right," said James. "Good spotting Wormtail- Sirius, we've just _got_ to get some of those,"

"But look how high it is, Jamesy!" Sirius moaned. "I bet only Hagrid could reach up there…he hasn't even got a ladder lying around. It'd be too risky to levitate them down, I don't wanna end up covered in them or anything,"

James paused for a moment, thinking.

"I know," he said. "We'll do it the Muggle way, without magic. Remus, stand on Sirius' shoulders and get the minced rats tails down for us,"

Remus blinked, looking puzzled. "What?"

"You're probably the lightest, just get on his shoulders and see if you can reach it,"

"No, James, this is just getting silly- I'm not doing it,"

"Please?"

Remus peered into the vile mixture the bucket now held, with utmost disgust. "I don't think you need to add anything else," he said. "Its revolting enough as it- hey!"

Before he could do any more frantic refusing, Remus found himself being forced to clamber up onto Sirius' shoulders. Within seconds, they had formed a rather precarious looking two person tower. While Sirius held onto his ankles- his own legs trembling under the weight- Remus balanced on his shoulders, gripping onto the shelves for support.

"The things I do for you," said Remus hotly. "All this for a bucket of rats tails," He paused, then added. "They'd better be good,"

"You hear that James?" panted Sirius. "I think Remus' inner miscreant has finally broken free again!"

"I always knew it would," said James proudly. "Told you everyone has one!"

"Inner miscreant?" repeated Remus. "Oh, now I've heard it all!"

"In the nicest possible terms, Moony- can you please _hurry up_?" pleaded Sirius, staggering sideways a little, causing Remus to grab the shelves in a panic. "Can you reach them?"

Remus stretched as high as he could, and just managed to pull the tub of minced rats tails towards him.

"I think I've got them,"

"Here, Remus!" said Peter, bouncing up and down, eager to help. "Throw them down to me!"

Remus was just about to pass them down to Peter, when suddenly, the shed door banged open behind them, and a gust of icy wind blew in with incredible force. Sirius stumbled in shock, his knees buckling. Both he and Remus swayed violently for a moment before they both came crashing to the ground. The bucket of rats tails went flying- its mushy brown contents splattered out, all over Peter, who shrieked in disgust- and was then promptly silenced as the bucket from which they came landed perfectly on his head with a painful sounding thwack.

"What happened?" gasped James, moving over to the doorway and looking out. "Where did that breeze come from?"

An evil cackle drifted back in reply- one that all four of the Marauders recognized.

"Its Peeves," groaned Sirius, slowly getting to his feet, and helping Remus up.

"_Peeves_? What's he doing out here?" demanded James. "And why did he just do that? We could've been hurt!"

Peter removed the bucket from his head, looking a bit dazed with minced rat tails sliding down his face.

"He must have followed us down here," said Remus, brushing his robes off. "He's probably a little angry about you two blaming him for all the trouble you've caused,"

"What? Nahh," said Sirius. "I shouldn't think its anything personal. He's probably just bored,"

"Yeah, and didn't know we were in here…balancing on each others shoulders…stealing Hagrid's supplies," said James casually. He gave a shrug and turned to Peter. "You all right there, Wormtail?"

"Yeah," said Peter miserably, through the brownish grey sludge. "I…think so,"

"Good," concluded James. He picked up their wooden pail of bat spleens, slug segments and frog brains and handed it to Peter. "Here- if you're going to be dripping sludgy rats tails everywhere- try to drip them into the bucket, we need all the gross stuff we can get,"

"It had to happen to you anyway, Pete," said Sirius, as they left the shed and stepped out into the rain again. "Its my 'wrong place, wrong time' theory all over again. Anyway, that bloody Poltergeist won't be back now, he's had his fun,"

"I'd be a bit more careful what you say, if I were you," warned Remus. "I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of Peeves today,"

* * *

It rained heavily on the boys as they made their way back, which was good for Peter, as this rinsed any of the remaining rats tails off, which he was very glad about (he would much rather have been soaking wet that covered with something as gross as that). So aside from the rain and Peeves' brief appearance, it all went smoothly, and the Marauders managed to smuggle the bucket of goop back into Hogwarts castle without a hitch. They headed straight for the second floor corridor archway and began to set up. Sirius cast a replenishing charm on the sludge, which ensured that it would refill almost the second the bucket was emptied and stood upright again ("After all," he explained to Remus. "You didn't expect us to just do it _once_ did you?"). James, meanwhile, cast the sensing spell they had learned from Flitwick in Charms, so it would magically tip out its contents on the first poor unsuspecting soul to walk underneath it. With extreme care, they hid the bucket atop the high, stone archway, out of sight, and took their positions behind the Godric Gryffindor statue nearby.

It seemed to take forever for the morning recess bell to sound, but when it did, all four Marauders took a deep breath and dived under the Invisibility cloak to wait.

"Any minute now," mumbled James, watching keenly. "Just…wait…"

"The suspense is killing me," groaned Sirius.

Remus was surely panicking by now. "What if you get a teacher?" he asked.

"I don't care who we get!" said James. "I just want to see it work!"

James' prayers were soon answered, as their first victim came around the corner. However, it was not a student, nor a teacher: It was Filch's mangy old cat Scraggles.

Peter's reaction was instant- he let out a whimper and started to tremble, forgetting momentarily that he was a human, not a rat lie he was the previous day when Scraggles had tried to swallow him.

"Cut it out, Wormtail," hushed James. He was intently watching Scraggles skulk closer and closer to the danger zone, and looked as if he wanted desperately to start egging him on.

"Almost there," whispered Sirius as Scraggles padded closer still. "Yes…come on, kitty,"

Scraggles sniffed the ground hesitantly, pausing mere inches from the centre of the archway- exactly where the Marauders wanted him.

"Why isn't it working, James?" asked Peter.

James adjusted his glasses and peered past the statue at Scraggles. "He's not directly under the bucket," he said quietly. "The sensing charm won't work until someone stands in the exact centre,"

"Stupid cat," spat Sirius, leaning around Peter to get a closer look. "Do you think it knows?"

Before anyone could answer, something purely delightful happened- better than Scraggles setting off the sensing charm. The cat's owner, Argus Filch, came slouching around the corner looking particularly moody. He saw his cat sniffing around on the ground and started towards him.

James and Sirius tensed, manic grins spreading across their faces.

"Oh, _thankyou_," Sirius breathed, passionately.

Cold dread washed over Remus.

"Oh no," he uttered, horrified. "No, no- not Filch! No, James- please- stop it, you can't-"

Even if James and Sirius _had_ wanted to stop, it was too late. Filch crossed to Scraggles and scooped him up with his knobbly hands. Completely oblivious as to what was about to happen, he took a step forwards. It only took this one small movement to set things in motion.

The Marauders held their breath- all four pairs of eyes shot to the top of the arch where the bucket stood. They were soon assured that the charm had worked. It was as if it were all happening in slow motion: the wooden bucket tipped, and the horrid concoction it had been holding spilled out. In a matter of seconds, Filch and Scraggles were suddenly both doused in a cold shower of greyish goop. Scraggles let out a startled yowl as if someone had trodden on his matted tail, and leapt from Filch's arms, tearing off, looking half drowned and dripping with the revolting grey sludge. Filch himself stood still as the last of the bats spleens and segmented slugs dribbled onto his head, with a look of absolute shock on his pouchy face.

Sirius doubled over in silent laughter and James clung to the cold, stone form of Godric Gryffindor, shoulders heaving. Remus sharply elbowed Peter when he started to titter out loud.

Sadly, Filch didn't find being suddenly drenched in sludge to be very funny at all- in fact, he was livid. His eyes were practically popping out if their sockets in his rage, and he was quivering, his fists clenched. However, there was no one in sight to yell at, apart from a group of Hufflepuffs who had paused to giggle at this spectacle- and so with frog brains oozing down his face, and a vein throbbing in his forehead, Filch stormed off after Scraggles, muttering angrily and leaving a trail of mush behind him.

"I can't breathe," wheezed Sirius, clutching his stomach and trying to stop himself laughing. "Oh, Merlin- that was fantastic!"

"Shh!" James tried to silence him, still trembling from laughter himself. "Quick, someone else is coming!"

He flicked his wand and the bucket set itself upright again where it sat above the arc. A tiny burst of white sparks signalled the replenishing charm doing its job, and refilling the bucket with the exact same sludgy muck they had started with.

Emmeline Vance- fresh from the Hospital Wing- and 5th year Ravenclaw Ella Ackerly came sauntering around the corner. The Marauders barely had time to recover from the first round when the two girls crossed the magical sensor, and the bucket tilted- the slimy brew sloshed down over the two girls with a splatter. They both shrieked in horror as it poured down on them, slicking even Ella's rebellious curly hair flat down to her head.

Emmeline was panting and groaning in horror, and Ella had turned pale with disgust and looked as if she was going to be sick.

"Oh, you're cruel," said Remus coldly, covering his face with his hands as James, Sirius and Peter struggled to contain their laughter. James did his best to reset the bucket as Emmeline and Ella staggered off, saturated in goop.

No sooner had their second set of victims exited the scene, more students began to filter through the corridor. A few had just stopped to look at the unusual grey sludge splattered on the floor when a tall, thin 4th year boy with sandy hair passed under the arch, and he too was instantly drenched in the mush.

The surrounding students roared with laughter. The sandy haired boy- who's hair was now anything but sandy- angrily brushed a few frog brains from his robes and stormed off, positively fuming.

They were still laughing when a bunch of timid looking first years rounded the corner and approached the target area.

"Quickly, James, the bucket!" said Sirius weakly, tears of laughter leaking down his cheeks as he held onto Peter for support.

James waved his wand and once again, the bucket stood itself the right way up, just in time for the first years to pass underneath. The refilled bucket tipped and a waterfall of innards and sludge descended on the unsuspecting group, who screamed and tried in vain to cover their heads.

Back under the invisibility cloak, Remus was one of the only ones (apart from the victims) in the hallway who wasn't laughing.

"James," he tried. "James, come on, this is mean…"

"Moony we're just having some fun!" choked James. "Look, they're all enjoying themselves!"

He gestured to all of the students watching the sludge showers and laughing heartily. The recently soaked first years looked like they were about to cry as they left, wiping gunk out of their eyes.

"Its harmless," he concluded, flicking his wand once more to reset the wooden bucket.

Their first glimpse of the next person walking around the corner was just too much for the Marauders. Of all the people in Hogwarts they would have liked to have slimed; the greasy Slytherin approaching the arch at that moment was their number one choice.

_Severus Snape._

"Look, its Snivellus!" said Peter, totally unnecessarily. "This is great!"

"Be quiet, Peter! I'm going to enjoy this!" grinned James.

Snape certainly didn't keep them waiting long- sparing the laughing students around him a contemptuous glance as he passed them, he headed _straight_ down the middle of the corridor, and consequently directly under the centre of the archway.

Sirius and James watched, enraptured, as their wooden bucket of gloopy goodness once again tilted and tipped out its contents.

All over Snape.

His black eyes widened as the cold brownish grey mush poured down from the archway and covered him. If he wasn't already the laughing stock of the school because of the poem from the previous day, he certainly was now. The growing crowd laughed hardest of all at seeing Snape of all people drenched in the revolting substance, and three out of the four Marauders were aching with laughter. Snape blinked through the muck in utter shock.

A random student commenting with "Aw, Snapey's washed his hair!" just about sent James and Sirius into crippling hysterics, but they held it together enough to be able to reset the bucket once more.

"This is what its all about, Marauders!" wept James, wiping his streaming eyes under his glasses. "These are the moments you strive for!"

Snape assumed a rather unconcerned look on his face and marched off, head held high, as if the sloppy bat spleens and frog brains dripping down his face simply weren't a problem.

Still laughing, the Marauders looked eagerly to the corner beyond the arch to see who would be next.

It was Lily Evans, a vision of pure innocence, with her hair neatly brushed, robes perfectly straight and a very calm expression on her face. Not the sort of person who would enjoy having a bucketful of sludge dumped on her head.

Their smiles immediately faltered. James panicked.

"Oh God no! Lift the sensing charm! Quick!" he cried, throwing the invisibility cloak off his head and stumbling out. Sirius fumbled for his wand and gave it a forceful flick, destroying the sensing charm just as Lily entered the archway and James raced up to her.

Unfortunately, Lily wasn't the only one to arrive on the scene at that moment. No one had noticed yet, but Peeves the Poltergeist had appeared with a faint 'pop', and was now floating above the archway next to the bucket, rubbing his little hands together with glee.

"Hey Evans!" said James as he approached Lily. "All right, are we?"

Lily gave him an odd look.

"Since when do you care about how anyone but yourself is, Potter?" she asked. "Where's Sirius?"

"Oh, he's around," said James, glad that the others had successfully lifted the sensing charm. "So…"

But James didn't have the time to say anything else- he was silenced as he and Lily were hit by a deluge of slimy grey sludge from above. Lily screamed and James let out a confused cry. He was barely aware of the roaring of laughter from all around them as the glut of cold slop poured over his head and down his neck. It was truly the most disgusting thing he had ever felt.

He smeared his hands over his face and behind his glasses, trying to wipe it all away so he could see again and looked blearily around. Lily was spluttering in disgust, wringing out her robes and brushing off a few sticky black spleen-shaped globs.

"Wh-wh- but, I don't understand- the sensing charm!" James stuttered. "That-that shouldn't have happened!"

"What?" snapped Lily, quite hysterically. "_What_ are you _talking_ about James! Did _you_ just do that?"

"Me?" exclaimed James. "I-I-no! No, no, L-Lily, its not like that, it-"

He shot an angry glance back at the Godric Gryffindor statue.

"Uh-oh," Sirius muttered. "Come on,"  
The three remaining Marauders left the safety of the Invisibility cloak behind the statue, and made their way over to James and Lily, who were still dripping with sludge.

"What happened, Prongs?" Sirius hissed.

"You tell me," retorted James.

"I lifted the charm, I swear! Look, mate, you've got to believe me! Really! It _wasn't_ our fault!"

"James, Sirius is telling the truth," said Remus quietly so as Lily couldn't hear. "Peter and I both saw him do the counter-charm, someone else must have interfered,"

"Someone else?" spluttered James as Peter nodded fervently. "Who else would-"

Realisation dawned on all four Marauders as an evil cackle sounded from above them.

"Do the dirty little 5th years need a wash?" sang Peeves, hovering next to their re-filled bucket.

All four Marauders and Lily slowly looked upwards with dread, just as Peeves wiggled his toes and giggled, and the bucket started to tip one last time. Before they knew it they were being showered in the disgusting, chunky sludge they had seen being poured onto all of the victims before them, and they knew exactly how they must have felt.

Peeves paused only to grin, satisfied at what he had done before somersaulting in mid-air and then disappearing with a 'pop', leaving the Marauders and Lily Evans dripping, coughing and wiping the vile slime out of their eyes (Lily and James looking particularly angry for being gooped twice).

The Marauders looked around at each other sorrowfully as the laughter of fellow students washed over them, just like the horrible sludge had moments before. None of them seemed to be able to speak, too embarrassed, and too furious with Peeves.

James miserably picked frog brain out of his hair and threw it at the ground. It landed with a splat.

"That didn't go too well…did it?" said Peter, testily.

"No, Pete," mumbled Sirius, gunk sliding down his face. "Not one of our best,"

Remus, looking pale, mopped some slime off his Prefect badge with his robe sleeve.

"So," he said bitterly. "Will you be dancing naked down Diagon Alley then, Sirius?"

Sirius hurled a bat spleen at Remus in response.

_"No!"_

* * *

Apologies for the delay in updating, I've had a fair bit going on over the past week or so. But the next chapter is already half written, so expect that soon. Its going to feature something just as disgusting as this one, so stay tuned! Thanks to my reviewers, you lot are the best! 


	9. Day 4, Part II: Copious Cursing

* * *

Feeling angry, humiliated and just plain disgusting, the four Marauders traipsed their way to the bathrooms to clean themselves up. In fact, they were feeling so sorry for themselves that they scarcely noticed they were missing out on their lessons, until Remus remembered that they had 2 rolls of parchment on the making of the Draft of Peace due in Potions, which they were supposed to be in. Sirius snarled that Quinn could stick her rolls of parchment somewhere unpleasant, and then continued his ranting about Peeves, calling him all the insulting things he could think of.

"He's gone too far," fumed Sirius, wiping the last of the slime out of his hair. "We were just having a bit of fun, and he had to go and spoil everything. I mean, spilling the rats tails in Hagrid's shed, that was ok-" (Peter looked offended, obviously not agreeing) "-but then going and ruining our whole set up by sludging _all_ of us!"

James replaced his now clean glasses. "He won't bother us again," he said. "He's had his revenge, fine. Now he'll leave us alone. We're equal,"

"Equal?" Sirius shouted. "I don't think its equal! We gave him a popularity boost and he embarrassed us in front of the whole school! Didn't you hear everyone laughing at us? All the girls? My reputation is in freefall as we speak!"

"Sirius," said Remus tiredly, leaning against the wall. "Just calm down. Getting worked up about it won't help,"

Sirius scowled and threw his towel into the sink.

Peter spoke up, somewhat nervously. "You don't reckon Lily is angry at us, do you?"

"If she's got any sense she'll be angry at that little-"

Sirius went off on a rude tangent about Peeves again. His abusive raving must have somehow alerted the mischievous Hogwarts Poltergeist, as just then a chilly breeze whistled through the bathroom and quite suddenly, Peeves himself appeared with a pop, sitting cross-legged on top of one of the toilet cubicle doors. He was beaming cheekily.

"Shouldn't say nasty things about Peeves!" he taunted. "Oh, no- not very nice! Nasty 5th years!"

"Sod off, Peeves, you little rotter!" Sirius howled, grabbing a bar of soap from the sink and throwing it at Peeves.

Peeves disappeared before it could hit, and reappeared behind them floating upside down.

"Its not Peeves that's a rotter, oh no, its Potter!" he sang. "Potter the rotter, Potter the rotter! A right old rotter is Jamesy Potter!"

James groaned, knowing it would be impossible to have an intelligent with him conversation now.

"Peeves, stop that," said Remus sincerely. "Look, can you just-"

"Loony, Loopy Lupin!" Peeves chanted. "Potter the rotter and Loony Lupin!"

"Peeves!" Sirius yelled, pointing an accusing finger. "You apologise for what you did to us and we'll never bother you again! All right?"

Peeves considered this for a moment, still hanging upside down.

"Nasty 5th years dob on Peevesy for something he didn't do, AND throw soap at his head, and they want _him_ to say sorry?"

The Marauders exchanged glances, waiting for Peeves' answer. They knew it wasn't going to be the one they wanted when a dreadfully wicked grin spread across his face.

"Shan't!" he cried, and disappeared with a bang, his cackles fading into the distance.

"Oi! Peeves! Get back here!" demanded Sirius.

Peeves responded by pelting the bar of soap at the back of Sirius' head. Needless to say, Sirius was not happy at this.

* * *

The Marauders were still sulking by the time lunch came around- none of them were surprised to find they weren't very hungry (just the sight of minced rats tails was enough to make one lose ones appetite, let alone having some dumped on ones head), and so they moodily retreated to the dormitories instead.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Peter.

"Perhaps we'd better just go back to lessons after lunch," sighed Remus. "I think we've done our dash. No more pranks this week. Please,"

Silence reigned for a moment, and the only sound they could hear was the soft pattering of rain hitting the windows on the outside.

But James, however, was looking dramatic.

"Now just hold on," he said. "Just hold on a second. Who are we?"

Remus rolled his eyes. "James, don't start-"

James overrode him. "I'll tell you who we are. We're the Marauders. And we don't give up, do we? We don't accept defeat. We don't let one good trouncing by a Poltergeist let us lose the will to keep on pranking! Do we?"

"No! No, we bloody don't!" agreed Sirius heartily. "We're only on Day Four! We've got loads more to do!"

"Exactly!" cried James, leaping up onto his bed and striking a heroic pose. "We're not quitters! We're Marauders! Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs forever! Purveyors of Magical Mayhem! Through rain or shine-"

"-Or sludge-"

"Yes, or sludge- we will NOT give in! Agreed?"

"Agreed!" hooted Sirius, punching the air.

"I agree too, James!" said Peter eagerly. "I won't give in either!"

Remus pushed his hair out of his eyes in annoyance. "That's all very touching, Prongs, but-"

"There's always a 'but' with you Moony isn't there?" chirped Sirius, much recovered from his angry outburst about Peeves. "Just cheer up! Go with the flow!"

"You three are impossible," said Remus, watching in dismay as James dug behind his four poster bed for the dreaded list. "Don't you think its time to heed the warnings? With Snape raging mad, the teachers suspicious and Peeves as our arch enemy, we're already in over our heads!"

ButRemus' three friends were hell bent on redeeming themselves, and his words of wisdom flew straight over the top of their heads and out of the window.

James produced the list with reinforced glee. He unrolled it and read closely, with Peter and Sirius on either side. Remus sat down on his bed with his head in his hands as the others started scheming, determined to restore their pride. He caught the odd word, such as 'dungbomb' and 'bowtruckle' as James muttered to himself, scanning through the list.

James eyes widened suddenly.

"Hey, here we go!" he said, pointing a finger decisively at one particular option.

"Leech Juice?" Sirius cried as he read over James' shoulder. "Now there are just _endless_ possibilities with that one, Prongs!"

Peter leaned in to get a look at the list too. "Where are you going to get leech juice?" he asked eagerly, eyes darting from Sirius to James. "A-and what are you going to do with it?"

"Maybe we could feed it to Scraggles?" suggested Sirius, looking dreamy.

"Maybe we could feed it to Filch?" said James, in the same tone of voice. He grinned in a dastardly manner. "We could slip it into his tea, he'd never notice…until he drank it, of course,"

Peter was starting to laugh hysterically again.

Remus didn't seem to think the leech juice tea plan was very wise. He raised his head, his brow knit with concern. "You really should leave Filch alone. You've been giving him a hard time all week, he'll be on his guard more than ever now- or have you _forgotten_ how angry he looked when you slimed him this morning?"

"Yeah," said Sirius, sympathetically. "You're absolutely right, Remus- he wasn't too happy, was he? You know? I think what he might need is a nice cup of _tea-_"

"Cut it out, I'm serious!"

"No you're not, he is!" said James pointing to Sirius with a grin.

Remus gave a furious groan, while Sirius and Peter laughed. "That's so old, and so completely pathetic," he muttered. "I mean it, James- we'll be expelled if we're caught,"

"Right-o. Note to self: don't get caught. Happy with that, lads?"

"Absolutely, Prongs!" Sirius declared. "Nothing can stop us now! We can get the leech juice from the dungeons- that'll be easy…oh, and already I've got a few ideas about 'The Big Ones' for April Fools Day!"

"Oh, no," groaned Remus.

"Excellent, Padfoot," said James. "This ones going to be good, I can tell. Come on, lunch is nearly over, we'd better get to 5th lesson. After that, we head to the dungeons, get what we need, find Filch…then _strike_…"

However, if the poor Marauders had any idea what Peeves was going to do to them that afternoon, then they'd definitely have changed their plans…

* * *

After waiting patiently all afternoon for the chance to sneak down to the dungeons to pilfer a bottle of leech juice, the Marauders were glad when Transfiguration finally came to an end. It seemed to go forever, as it was yet another boring theory lesson spent doing quiet revision. Professor Kettleburn obviously wasn't in the mood to be holding any more practicals while McGonagall was away (he gave an involuntary twitch every time someone mentioned the word 'cup', in any context).

The bell finally rang at around half past 2, signalling the beginning of their final lesson. Luckily, for Remus, Sirius, Peter and James, this was a study lesson- or in other words- free time to get down to some serious pranking.

"I can't wait to see the look on Filch's face when he realises he's drinking _leech juice_!" Sirius chuckled as the four boys slung their bags over their shoulders and left the classroom. "He's going to be furious!"

"He'll get over it," said James lightly.

"Not in a hurry- have you ever tried that stuff? It's one of the most revolting substances in existence," said Sirius, wrinkling his nose and looking as if he'd just been forced to drink some.

"Well, lucky Filch," commented Remus, expressionlessly. "I suppose you want me to keep guard for you, while you creep into Professor Quinn's storeroom again?"

"Well, it would- _wait_!"

They were just about to exit the hallway to cross the outside courtyard, when James froze, pulling them back inside again. His eyes were fixed on a small group of students standing in the centre.

"James, what?" Peter started to say, but James silenced him.

He dragged his friends behind a wall. Cautiously they peered out, curious to see what or who James was hiding them from.

The group of five consisted of about four Slytherin boys and a Gryffindor girl, which was an extremely odd combination. The four boys were 5th and 6th years, and the Marauders recognised them from the Slytherin Quidditch team- Ian Bode and Claude Zabini were Beaters, Gregory Gwynham, their Seeker, and Hamish Nettles- their thick-set Keeper.

The Gryffindor girl, with her sparkling green eyes and long red hair, was unmistakably Lily Evans.

"Its Evans, James!" whispered Sirius. "What's she doing talking to those Slytherin gits?"

"I don't know," said James, quietly and seriously.

The Marauders stood transfixed and listened closely. Lily was looking uncomfortable, hugging her bag to her protectively, looking around at the four Slytherin's worriedly.

"So come on _Lily_," Claude Zabini was saying to her in honeyed tones. "You know you can't resist his Slytherin charm- why don't you two give it a go?"

Zabini had pushed Gregory Gwynham forwards- Gwynham staring at Lily rather keenly. Lily shook her head frantically.

"No," she said. "I'm not interested,"

"Aww, Evans!" crooned Ian Bode, moving around to stand next to her. "Gwynham's mad about you- he's had a crush on you since first year! Now you can't deny that _you_ feel the same,"

"Yeah, we've seen you two blowing kisses to each other from across the Great Hall!"

The Slytherins laughed nastily. Lily was now starting to look slightly scared.

"Leave me alone," she said quietly. "I'm not going out with him,"

"Oh, don't be so horrid, Lily," said Zabini. "You'll break his little heart!"

"Yeah," said Bode, placing an arm around her shoulders. "Come on, you know you want him!"

"Don't…touch her," James muttered through gritted teeth.

Lily threw Bode's arm off, glared around at them and stormed off.

"Oooooh!" Zabini hooted. Bode wolf whistled after her and they all laughed.

Sirius let out a string of swear words and started towards them- but Remus grabbed his arm and hauled him back behind the wall.

"Don't, Sirius," he said warningly.

"Remus, did you hear them?" Sirius hissed. "Those bastards need to be taught a lesson! Right James?"

James had silently drawn his wand, his face set.

"Right, Padfoot," he replied calmly. "And I have just the hex that'll do that. _Forget_ the leech juice- I've got something else unpleasantly slimy in mind,"

Sirius whipped out his wand as well, seeming to understand. Without further hesitation James aimed directly at Claude Zabini, breathing hard- Peter shrank back, and Remus winced, not knowing what to expect- James flicked his wand and a flash of green sparks shot out of it, and hit Zabini in the chest, knocking him backwards. The laughter fell from his fellow Slytherin friends faces, as they saw him turning pale.

"Oi Claude, you all right?" asked Hamish Nettles. Zabini hiccuped a few times, put his hands to his stomach and then, with total lack of grace or style- reeled back and threw up several juicy slugs onto cobbles in front of him.

There were gasps of shock and disgust from the other Slytherins. James grinned in utter satisfaction, watching Zabini retch again, more slugs dribbling down his front. Sirius gave his wand a flick too, in Ian Bode's direction. Bode, who was edging towards Zabini to offer some sort of comfort, was suddenly knocked off his feet and to the hard stony ground. He pushed himself up on all fours, panting and was just about to get up when the curse kicked in, and he too burped out an assortment of slugs and slime.

Peter had smothered his hands over his face to stop him laughing out loud. James and Sirius stood up straight, proud of their work- they watched the two Slytherin Beaters staggering around, coughing squelchy fat slugs into their hands and groaning in revulsion.

"Who did this?" yelled Gregory Gwynham to the empty courtyard. Hamish Nettles looked equally confused.

"Whoever it is, they're not finished yet," whispered James, flicking his wand at Gwynham with glee. The jet of green sparks hit the Seeker in the gut with incredibly force. Gwynham barely had time to utter the word "No!" when he too began to gag revoltingly, choking back slugs.

"Get Nettles too, Sirius!" giggled James. "Quickly!"

"Can't we just get out of here, James?" implored Remus, watching the scene in disgust. "This is horrible,"

Alas, the other three Marauders were far too amused by the sight before them, and ignored him. Sirius raised his wand once more.

"Ooh! I'll do it, James!" Peter piped up, thoroughly enthused, and with his own wand at the ready. "Can I have a shot? Please?"

"Whatever!" said Sirius hastily pushing Peter in front of him. "Just don't screw it up, Pete!"

Peter excitedly flicked his wand and issued a jet of green sparks towards the panic-stricken Hamish Nettles.

What happened then wasn't as a result of Peter messing up, as it usually was. For once, Peter had produced a perfect jinx, and James and Sirius would have been incredibly happy with him- _had_ the spell actually reached Nettles.

However, it didn't.

The sequence of events that followed all happened within the blink of an eye. As the sparks hurtled towards Nettles, there was a cheeky cackle, a brief 'pop', and suddenly an unusual apparition appeared halfway between the Slytherins and the Marauders. It was Peeves, and he was now floating boldly in mid-air between the two, his wicked eyes glinting. With a devilish grin he wriggled his fingers, reversing the spell- it ricocheted off him like a rock hitting a wall, except with twice the speed, and with an impressive shower of green sparks. The Slug hex was now shooting back towards its caster- Peter however did not have time to avoid this unexpected reversal, and it hit him square in the stomach, throwing him backwards into the opposite wall of the corridor.

Peeves disappeared as quickly as he had come, leaving the Slytherins still burping slugs, Nettles to run for his life, looking bewildered, and the Marauders to tend to their friend.

"Oh no," groaned James, as he and the other two dashed over to kneel down next to Peter, who was panting, his back leaned against the wall he had hit. "Hey Wormtail- you ok?"

Peter's round face had gone rather pale- he looked ill and didn't seem to be able to answer, as if he was fighting the urge to keep something down.

"Pete?" asked Sirius worriedly. "Hey, Pete- talk to us!"

Remus knelt down in front of the non-responsive Peter. "Perhaps he's just stunned?" he suggested.

Peter gave a nauseating belch and heaved a mass of slimy, fat slugs all over the front of Remus' robes. It was hard to tell who looked sicker at that moment- Peter, who was gulping air trying and trying desperately not to do it again, or Remus who was simply blinking down at his robes in shock and repulsion.

"Perhaps not?" said Sirius, trying not to laugh at Remus' horrified expression.

"…sorry," Peter offered hoarsely.

"You really are quite dim aren't you Wormtail?" stated James in a very general manner.

Peter looked up at him apologetically, gagging into his own hands.

"I should have known you'd mess up,"

"I don't think it was Peter's fault, James," said Remus, as he brushed the slugs off his robes, and slime off his Prefect badge. "Spells don't just stop in mid-air and reverse,"

"How did it happen then?"

Sirius watched Peter splutter out a few large leopard slugs and shrugged. "It all happened so fast," he said. "Again, talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time, Wormtail, as per usual,"

Peter hurled another wave of slugs and Remus jumped back out of the way this time.

"It was more like the _right_ place at the _right_ time for you, Padfoot," James pointed out as he took one of Peter's arms and dragged him to his feet. "If Peter hadn't been standing there it would be you hacking up slugs at the moment. You were right behind him!"

"My little human shield," said Sirius fondly. He patted Peter a little too heartily on the back, causing him to belch forcefully, and for several more slugs to come dribbling out of his mouth.

"We have to get him out of here," said Remus briskly. "He needs to get to the Hospital Wing!"

"Are you mad? We can't go to the Hospital Wing! Madam Pomfrey'll murder us!"

"Sirius, that's a very extreme thing to say,"

"Oh you know what I mean!"

"The Hospital Wing is out of the question," James confirmed. Peter looked disappointed at this- the one place he wanted to go his friends weren't going to let him. "Madam Pomfrey'll go ballistic as soon as Sirius and I set foot back in there. I don't think we're in her good books since our little fog fiasco yesterday,"

Peter coughed rather squelchily and more slugs leaked out of his open mouth. Remus regarded him sympathetically.

"What about Hagrid? Perhaps he'd know what to do?"

James ogled at Remus as if this suggestion was even more absurd than the last. "Hagrid? No way! Rem, we've just stolen several bucket loads of spleens, brains and rats tails from him! Do you really expect us to go back there now and face up to him?"

Peter groaned and heaved another wave of slugs.

"Well, what do you suggest then?" asked Remus tetchily. "We can't just take him back to lessons with us. If you hadn't caused so much trouble over the past few days then maybe we wouldn't have so many enemies, and maybe we'd be able to get some help for Peter!"

Like a valley breeze, a mischievous cackle drifted through the courtyard and through the corridor they were standing in.

"_Peeves_," growled James. "I _knew_ it! I just _knew_ it was him!"

Remus glanced around the hallway.

"Peeves, please show yourself, we want a word!" he called.

"I'll bloody well give him a word or two," mumbled Sirius, instinctively rolling up his sleeves. "Right, come on!"

Peeves appeared before them looking awfully pleased with himself. He clapped beady eyes on Peter, who was starting to sob as more slugs unstoppably oozed from his mouth.

"Oooooh!" he crooned. "Ickle Pettigrew doesn't look well!"

"Oh, don't play stupid with us, Peeves, its your fault he's like this!" Sirius snapped.

"_Black, Black, he's such a twat!" _sang Peeves. _"He's such a twat and that is that!"_

"Ok Peeves," said James, laying down the ultimatum. "Lift the curse from Peter, or you'll really be sorry you messed with us!"

Peeves didn't look in the slightest bit threatened by this warning.

"Got to be quick if you want to catch Peeves!" the Poltergeist teased.

"Yeah?" challenged Sirius. "Well we've had enough of you, mate!"

"But has Peeves had enough of _you_?" he grinned, flipping upside down and blowing a raspberry.

"You'd better have," said James. "Or we'll put the slug curse on you!"

Peeves seemed to find this insanely funny. The Marauders eyed each other as the Poltergiest laughed wildly, clutching his sides.

"Peevesy knows _all_ about Slug hexes!" he said, flipping right side up again. "Does ickle Potter and his friends want one?"

"No," said Sirius, watching Peeves a little worriedly. "No, of course we don't,"

Peeves raised his hands and they glowed with green sparks- exactly like the ones seen with a Slug curse.

"Sure?" asked Peeves sweetly, a wicked grin filling his face.

The three so far un-slugged Marauders now looked at Peeves quite differently- seeing he was on the verge of rendering them all with Slug curses, a deep fear was now flickering in their eyes.

James Potter, in his time at Hogwarts, had many clever ideas- however, the one he came up with as Peeves advanced on them was not one of his wittiest.

"_RUN!" _he bellowed.

The other Marauders didn't have time to argue with this- they took off after James at high speed, Remus and Sirius dragging Peter by his arms- Peeves cackling manically, zooming after them.

Sirius gasped as he felt a rush of magic whoosh past him- Peeves had narrowly missed him with a Slug curse. The bolt of green light hit the castle wall and disintegrated. Peeves didn't stop there: still hot on their trail as they dashed down the corridor, he sent several more jinxes hurtling towards them.

"Look out, Moony!" Sirius cried. Remus ducked as one of Peeves' Slug hexes shot over his head, and another met the floor with an explosion of green sparks just behind them.

James skidded to a stop at the end of the corridor, cried "Follow me!" and took the left path which lead outside, just as Peeves sent another hex towards him, still laughing like a loony. Remus and Sirius followed with Peter, running for their lives, none of them daring to look back.

"He's insane!" roared Sirius. "How do we stop him?"

"I don't know!" moaned James, as they hared down towards the lake. "Just don't stop running!"

Sirius yelped as another jet of green sparks shot over his right shoulder and collided with a pine tree.

"_Slugs, slugs, gloooooorious slugs_!" Peeves sang from not far behind them, in a voice as off-tune and horrible as a scratchy old record. "There's nothing quite like them for shooting at naughty 5th years! Ahahahahaha!"

"Stop it Peeves!" Remus yelled back. "You'll be in so much trouble for doing this, you know!"

Peeves simply shot some more curses at them in reply- Sirius and Remus hit the grass with Peter as three curses simultaneously blasted over their heads. James ducked behind a large rock as another headed towards him.

"_Stop it Peeves, you'll be in sooooo much trouble for doing this, you know!" _Peeves mimicked in a high voice. "But I'm having fun! Wheee!"

"Over here!" James panted, darting over towards a small cluster of trees. "Quickly!"

Sirius and Remus hauled Peter to his feet and stumbled after James, scrambling into the thicket of trees and bushes, oblivious to the sharp twigs scratching at their faces and robes as they struggled through.

The four of them stood in the middle of the little copse, panting, looking around them wildly. Peeves had gone silent, and none of them could see him.

"Surely he's not that thick to have lost sight of us going in here?" whispered Sirius.

"One can only hope," breathed James. "How's Wormtail?"

Peter looked extremely worse for wear- he nodded tiredly, then belched a rather large slug onto the ground before him.

"I don't wanna end up like that!" wailed Sirius, watching Peter in fear. "Why's Peeves got it in for us?"

"You _know_ why he's got it in for us," said Remus, pulling a few leaves from his hair. "Because you treated him unfairly! Now he's upset about it- and with good reason, too!"

"He's taking it WAY too seriously," said James fervidly, pacing in what little space they had amongst the bushes.

"_I can hear you!"_

All four Marauders gasped, looking around- Peeves appeared with a pop in front of them, causing them all to cry out in alarm- he looked around at them wickedly, wiggling his fingers, readying himself to curse them all. Sirius and James braced themselves for the worst, and Peter cowered back into the bushes in fear of being doubly-hexed.

"Stop!" said Remus suddenly.

Peeves stopped, looking down on him. Remus exhaled, thankful that he had caught his attention before it was too late.

"Peeves," he continued on quietly. "I want you to stop cursing, and start listening for the moment. No sillyness, just…hear us out,"

Peeves' cheeky face twisted into a grumpy sort of frown.

Remus went on. "James and Sirius here have something they want to say to you, and I want you to take them seriously. All right?"

James and Sirius, still looking petrified, shot Remus fervent glances. He nodded encouragingly at them.

"Peevesy's waaaait-ing," the Poltergiest sang.

James cleared his throat and proceeded with some difficulty.

"We're, um…" he faltered, searching for the right words. "We're…Peeves; we're sorry. Really sorry,"

"We didn't want to get you in trouble, we just wanted…to get ourselves _out_ of trouble, heh," Sirius offered. Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius' attempt to make things sound better. "That was selfish…" Sirius continued. "So…we're sorry,"

Peeves looked to be giving this serious thought- something no one saw him doing often. The only thing that broke the silence was Peter hiccuping a few slugs into his hands.

"So, uh," said James. "Do you…forgive us - er - by any chance?"

Peeves began to grin.

"Peeves will forgive the naughty 5th years on one condition," he said. "You're not to blame him for things ever again!"

"Oh, no, no, no!" gushed Sirius. "Never! No, rest assured, we won't be doing that again, no. We'll even make sure Dumbledore and the other teachers know its not you! Think of it as a sort of 'Troublemakers code' between us, eh?"

Peeves assumed a rather satisfied look on his face and nodded.

The Marauders let out sighs of relief- there were happy faces all round. Even Peter, who was still a bit pale, managed a smile.

"Thankyou Peeves," said Remus sincerely. "We promise we won't ever bother you again,"

"Unless…" said Sirius slowly, with a shrewd smile. "Unless…you'd like to help us out…"

Remus froze, as did Peter. James and Sirius were looking at each other knowingly, and Peeves had acquired a devilishly naughty look.

"You see, we're doing a bit of _pranking_ this week," explained James. "We could always use a little help from someone as experienced as you,"

"Oh, yes," agreed Sirius. "We could make you an honorary 5th Marauder, if you'd like,"

"Peeves would like nothing better!" he declared, puffing himself up.

"Oh _brilliant_…" Remus groaned, as he along with James, Sirius, Peter and Peeves left the trees, now as a team- the Marauders wondering what Day 5 would have in store for them, now they were in league with the Hogwarts Poltergiest.

Things were just getting started.

* * *


	10. Day 5, Part I: Fleeing from Filch

**

* * *

Greetin's, all! Its been a while, I'm sorry- don't give up on me! I'm definitely not going to abandon this one, I have set out to finish it, and finish it I will. I've just been a bit preoccupied lately. Sure you understand, being the lovely understanding people you are.**

**Jennykim2007: Thankyou kindly for your reviews! I'm sorry you didn't like chapter 6- it was one of my favourites, actually. I don't know, the thought of two boys being trapped in a girls toilet just amused me somewhat. Anyway, if Peter-bashing is your thing, then read on, because I've slipped it in as often as possible. Without going overboard, obviously- after all, they didn't know he was going to betray them. Plus, less is more...or so they say.**

**Ceyxa, vanity is my name and Lily of the Valley: I thank you three in particular for being my "regulars"! Always a pleasure to see your names after I post a new chapter…just hope I don't disappoint!**

**To anyone else I have missed (I will be more specific and mention names next time): Thankyou also! I know I've already said this, but your reviews are what keep me going! That, and I'm determined to finish this.**

**Look at me, rambling on, probably boring you all to tears. I'll shut up now and let the boys get on with their Marauding, I think. Enjoy!**

* * *

Drifting off to sleep that night was easy for James and Sirius. Content with the fact that they had not only made peace with Peeves the Poltergeist, but they had joined forces, they happily fell asleep as soon as their heads hit their pillows, knowing they wouldn't have any unpleasant late night visitations by him wanting more revenge. Peter was exhausted too, and not surprisingly. Though he had one final slug attack over the edge of his bed, after that, he too dozed off. Remus was the only one who had trouble falling asleep- it wasn't the first time he had lay awake worrying about what his friends had dragged him into, and for some time he tossed and turned, trying to reassure himself that this would all be over by April Fools Day- he found it wasn't a very comforting thought knowing this meant he would still have to endure a whole 3 more days of rule-breaking. He tried not to think of the chaos that could ensue now that they were in league with Peeves, as he finally drifted off to sleep.

Never did the Marauders expect to have such a valuable asset to their group. Peeves had certainly seemed keen to help out: yet as the first rays of the Friday morning sun gleamed through their dormitory window, they didn't quite yet know the extent of his keenness. Or what his idea of 'helping out' would be.

Day 5 began rather suddenly for the four friends. As they slept peacefully, Peeves allowed himself into their room and gave them all a rather alarming wake up call.

"YOO-HOO!" he bellowed, causing James, Remus and Peter to awaken with startled cries. "WAKEY, WAKEY RISE AND SHINE!"

"Wha-?" James muttered blearily, fumbling around for his glasses. "Whosat? Whassgoingon?"

"Time to wake up!" Peeves warbled. "Quickly now! WAKEY, WAKEY!"

Remus gave a sort of feeble sob when he realised what was going on, and buried his head under his pillow- Peter blinked and tried to figure out who it was that was yelling this early in the morning.

"Early birds catch the worms!" Peeves sang, at the same level of annoyance as an alarm clock that won't stop ringing. "No time for sleeping! Plenty of work to be done! Come on! WAKE UP!"

James found his glasses and put them on, wincing. "Its too early, Peeves," he slurred. "Go back to bed…or whatever. We haven't got to get up for another hour-"

Sirius- who was the only one who hadn't been woken up by Peeves' trilling- gave a sudden snort and shifted slightly, one of his arms dangling out of bed.

"Oh, Blaaaack?" crooned Peeves, giving him a push. "No more sleepies, time for wakies! Get up!"

"Mrphh…who hid my bowtruckles?" Sirius mumbled, just as Peeves gave him a rather forcefully nudge, causing him to slide out of bed and flop suddenly onto the floor, tangled in his bed sheets. The fall woke him suddenly.

"Arghh! What! Where- huh?" he babbled groggily, trying to disentangle himself from his sheets. He looked blearily at his surroundings. "Wh-where am I? I'm on the floor- why am I on the floor?"

Peeves grinned excitedly, bobbing up and down- he emitted a rather evil giggle and disappeared from the room with a pop, obviously deciding the boys didn't need anymore reminding.

"James," Remus moaned woozily from under his pillow. "This is a _bad_ idea…who knows what he'll get us into?"

"Don't you start that at this time of the morning," said James, as he got out of bed. "He's all right, we'll be fine. As long as we're _careful_,"

Sirius rubbed his eyes, still looking a little disorientated after his fall. "We won't get caught," he said, stifling a yawn. "Don't worry, Moony,"

"I worry whenever you say that," said Remus. He gave in and threw off his pillow, sitting up, running a hand through his tousled hair. "Peter, surely you don't want to go along with this?"

Peter looked torn. Though the memory of the slugs was still fresh in his mind, his will to impress James seemed stronger than anything else.

"Well…" he said awkwardly. "If James and Sirius say it'll be ok…"

"Course it will!" said James. "Now come on- if our newest member wants us up and ready, then up and ready we'll be!"

No matter how exciting having help from a poltergeist sounded at that time, James, Sirius, Peter and Remus were about to find out, that in this case: "Four's company, five's a bloody nuisance…"

* * *

By the time the Marauders had gotten dressed, had their breakfast and left the Great Hall, Peeves had already gone on ahead and was into mischief before the four boys had even started yet. They found him floating at the foot of the marble staircase affixing an invisible trip wire- or at least, that was what the Marauders imagined it to be- two little first years who were descending the stairs stumbled suddenly when they reached the bottom then looked around them, completely puzzled as to what had caused them to lose balance. Peeves chuckled from where he was hiding behind a marble pillar. The Marauders approached him.

"Hello, comrade!" said James jovially. He gestured to the stairs, where a dumpy Hufflepuff boy lost his balance and fell heavily, landing spreadeagled on the stone floor. "What's all this about?"

Peeves grinned. "This?" he asked. "An invisible trip wire, this is! No one can see it except the one who put it there! Mind your step!"

Kayne Quigley, the Head Boy, was next to topple over Peeves' wire, and the Marauders could hardly bare to watch as he tottered unsteadily, trying to regain his balance, before hitting the ground with a painful thud.

Peeves laughed, his wicked black eyes glinting, as Quigley- blushing angrily- awkwardly got to his feet and hobbled off.

"You could break someone's neck," uttered Remus. "This is absurd, James, we _can't_-"

"I really wish I could come up with stuff like that," commented Sirius, looking down in the general direction of the wire with envy. "Where did you get it Peeves? I've got to get some! I could have so much fun with invisible trip wire back at my house!"

"Peeves has many tricks up his sleeves," said the Poltergeist knowingly. A group of girls all tripped at once and tried to hold onto each other for support. They ended up falling in a heap on the ground.

James winced. "Harsh…" he proclaimed. "I like it. What else can we do?"

"_Lots_," hissed Peeves.

"Er, James?" asked Peter, timidly. "I don't want to interrupt, b-but, um…its just that…its time to go to lessons now,"

"_Lessons_?" shrilled Peeves, giggling uncontrollably.

"Yes, Lessons? How tedious!" said Sirius haughtily. "We're only doing revision, Pete- lets hang around and cause some trouble!"

"Yeah, we don't need to go to _lessons_," said James, waving a hand. He turned to the fifth Marauder, taking a deep breath. "Come on, Peeves! Lead the way!"

Peeves beckoned them to follow, and he zoomed off down a corridor to the right. James and Sirius eagerly followed in hot pursuit. Peter stalled momentarily, twitching as if he were having some sort of internal battle in choosing whether to obey the rules or disobey them.

"Not you too, Peter," Remus begged. "Look, they'll get you into terrible trouble, you know that, don't you?"

Peter chewed his lip, and then seemed to decide that 'embracing his inner miscreant' would be more fun. He smiled apologetically at Remus before taking off after his friends.

Remus gave a helpless sigh and felt he had no choice but to follow too. 'At least,' he thought, as optimistically as he could. 'If they do insist on doing this, then perhaps if I go along I can attempt to get them out of any trouble, if they need it,'

He didn't realise just how hard that would be.

* * *

It was nine o'clock, and all was well at Hogwarts. Most of the students were currently in their first lesson, yet almost all of them would have preferred to be outside: the weather was delightfully sunny, as an improvement on the previous day. Madam Hooch in particular was making the most of the lovely conditions, and was out on the fresh green grass of the grounds with her first years, giving flying lessons. She didn't know that shortly her lesson was about to be rudely interrupted, as not far above her in the castle, Sirius Black was leaning out of the window, aiming a Fanged Frisbee at her and her students.

"Easy does it, Padfoot," whispered James. "Ready…and…_go_!"

Sirius hurled the Frisbee- it soared with amazing accuracy directly down towards Madam Hooch. Watching it from a distance, as the Marauders were, was possibly even funnier than watching it up close could have been- the Frisbee sailed over her head first, then did a full u-turn and went straight for her hair. Madam Hooch shrieked, trying to bat the demonic Zonko product away with her broomstick. She went tearing off across the lawn with the Frisbee drifting after her, and her students screaming and running off in all directions. Sirius and James were doubled up laughing.

"Oh, this beats going to lessons!"

"Beats it by a long-shot, Padfoot!"

"In fact, I don't see why we don't skip lessons more often to do this sort of thing!"

"Good idea!"

Remus crossed his arms angrily, but didn't say anything. He honestly wondered whether keeping watch for them was more than they deserved.

Peter had meanwhile taken up residence at the window to provide a running commentary. "Look, its still biting her hair!" he said excitedly. "Oh no, wait- now its going after one of the boys! Ooh- its ripping a hole in his robes- is that bad?"

"Oh, Peeves, we have you to thank for all this," said James, wiping his eyes. "It was your idea, after all!"

Peeves, who was floating just behind them gave a devious cackle and drew several more Fanged Frisbees from behind his back. Sirius and James's jaws dropped open.

"You-you have _more?_" Sirius spluttered, looking at the Frisbees with avid admiration. "Where did you get them all?"

"Stolen!" answered Peeves proudly, bobbing up and down. "From Filchy's office! Against school rules, they are! Anybody want one?"

Remus' ardent objection of "_NO_," was by far drowned out by James, Sirius and Peter all eagerly cramming around Peeves for a Frisbee, like children who had been offered free lollipops. Soon enough, not only one Frisbee was pestering Madam Hooch and her class, but a flock of about seven more had been sent sailing down from the window. The distant screams from students down on the grounds were music to the Marauder's ears.

Peeves was grinning pompously. "Want to have some more fun?" he asked sweetly.

"Lead the way, oh-mischievous-one," said Sirius, courteously. Peeves bowed, and rocketed off down the hallway, jingling as he went. The Marauders followed; James and Sirius in absolute awe of their new partner in crime's abilities. Remus was far from impressed, and Peter was still wary of Peeves after Day Four's general sliminess- but both still followed.

Soon enough, Peeves stopped them in front of an impressive suit of armour, one of many around the castle. This one was large: it wore a grand horned helmet and heavy gauntlets, and wielded a menacing spiky mace.

"What now, Peeves?" asked James, gazing up at the armour.

Peeves grinned. He spread his fingers, and looked as if he were concentrating very hard. The suit of armour began to clatter, trembling from head to foot, and it glowed red hot for a moment before falling still again.

Peeves gave a musical chortle, obviously very pleased with what he had done. Whatever it was, it was not yet evident to the Marauders.

"Er…right," said Sirius, eying the motionless suit of armour cautiously. "What was all that about, then?"

"Step _closer_," Peeves crooned.

Peter was the only one who was brave enough (or stupid enough) to do this, and walked right up to the suit of armour. In the blink of an eye, it had raised its mace, and clobbered Peter heavily over the head with it.

Peter staggered, letting out an pained cry. He rubbed the top of his head, wincing, as James, Sirius and Remus stood staring in shock.

"Brilliant!" exclaimed James, putting all sympathy for Peter aside. "That's amazing, Peeves! So he'll just freely wallop anyone who dares to walk close enough?"

Peeves nodded deeply. The suit of armour flexed its metallic fingers, clenching the mace readily.

"Wicked," uttered Sirius, in admiration. "Does it hurt much, Pete?"

"Yes," Peter whimpered, his eyes brimming with tears.

"Nonsense!" snorted Peeves. "He won't hit _too_ hard- OOH, LOOKIE! Victims!"

Sure enough, a group of very bookish looking 7th years were making their way down the hall, deeply immersed in conversation, which was no doubt very serious NEWT business. They would surely pass straight by the bewitched, mace-wielding armour, and would surely also get biffed.

Peeves giggled evilly, wriggling his belled shoes in delight.

"James, please, stop this," urged Remus, watching with dread as the 7th years got closer. "This really has gone beyond a joke. Its dangerous. _He's_ dangerous,"

"Come off it, Moony!" said Sirius, eagerly watching the approaching students with a rather predatory gleam in his grey eyes. "Forget the rules for a moment! Just enjoy yourself! Have fun! Embrace your-"

"If you say 'inner miscreant' again, I'll…"

Remus trailed off, and paled quite suddenly- for he had spotted someone else, at the opposite end of the corridor . Not just anyone; it was one particular grumpy staff member, armed with a dirty mop and a foul expression on his pouchy face. Before Remus could find his voice to warn his friends, the intruder spoke first.

"What do you boys think you're doing hanging around here!"

All Marauders turned suddenly. It was Argus Filch. He had stopped in his tracks, with Scraggles at his feet.

"Skiving off lessons, are we?" he queried, somewhat triumphantly. "Out to cause some TROUBLE, eh?"

"Mother of Merlin!" wailed Sirius. "Its Filch! RUN!"

He and James directly turned tail and fled- which was _not_ an incredibly wise idea, on any terms: nothing says "I'm guilty!" like running from the crime scene. Peter was quick to follow and Remus too, feeling he wouldn't stand a chance by himself, Prefect or not, against the caretaker's current mood. Peeves heroically sent one last Fanged Frisbee spinning towards Filch before he zoomed off after the Marauders. The 7th year group paused to watch, bemused.

"STOP!" Filch hollered, finishing with a strangled cry as the Frisbee tackled him head-on. This caused him to stumble sideways into the knight, who brought down his mace on Filch's head with a painful clang, resulting in an even more agonised yell. No matter how entertaining the Marauders would have found this, they didn't stop running for anything.

"Now you've done it!" Remus cried, haring after James. "_Why_ did you _run_?"

"Well I wasn't about to hang around and get caught, was I?" said James, darting up a flight of stairs. "We'll be fine, we're too quick for him,"

"I feel like a fugitive!" panted Sirius. "On the run from the authorities! Isn't it fun!"

"Fun?" Remus exclaimed. "Have you completely lost it, Padfoot?"

"We've got to hide!" said James as he skirted around a corner. "Dammit! I wish we'd brought the Map! Peeves! Know anywhere good?"

Peeves' wicked eyes slid from side to side, before he pointed suddenly to a closed wooden door.

"Ooh, in here!" he said. "In you go!"

James didn't stop to consider what could be on the other side of the door, but opened it quickly and darted inside, Remus, Peter and Sirius following.

It shut behind them.

They were in.

James breathed out a sigh of relief- which soon turned into a squeak of panic when he realised where exactly they had just stepped into.

* * *

It was the History of Magic classroom, and unluckily for the Marauders, a class was in session. The room was filled with bored looking second year students, and Professor Binns was floating near the blackboard, drawling on about 9th century Troll invasions.

The four friends froze by the door, not knowing what to do as a few students near the back turned in their seats to see who had come in.

"Uh-oh," whimpered Peter. "What do we do now, James?"

"Sit down and shut up!" whispered James, dragging them down into the back row of desks. They sank down as low as they could in their chairs, hoping they would go unnoticed. They needn't have worried- ghostly Professor Binns was scarcely aware of his own pupils, let alone a few extras.

"No offence, Prongs, but this is stupid!" hissed Sirius. "I spend half of my school life trying to get _out_ of History of Magic, yet here I am sneaking _into_ it!"

A group of boys to Remus' right were staring at them curiously. Remus sent them a pleading look to keep quiet.

"We'll be all right," said James. "We just hide in here for a moment, until the coast is clear, and so as Peeves has time to head Filch off for us,"

"You really think he will?" asked Remus coolly. "I think Peeves is only in this for himself,"

"Oi, he's our 5th Marauder!" countered Sirius. "We have an understanding! Of course he's going to help us!"

More students were giving up listening to Binns and were turning to look, wondering why on earth they had four visitors in the most boring class at Hogwarts.

"This isn't good. If they keep staring at us, they're going to give us away," James murmured. "We need to distract them. Any ideas?"

"Got one," grinned Sirius, carefully drawing his wand. He sat up in his chair, just enough to see over the students heads, and flicked his wand at the blackboard.

Magically, it began erasing itself- the cursive scrawl, which had contained notes on obscure little towns in Northern Europe that had recorded sightings of Trolls in the 9th century, disappeared in a cloud of chalky dust.

Binns was oblivious, and simply continued droning on as his students suddenly perked up, whispering amongst themselves and watching the blackboard in amazement.

Sirius sniggered. He wrote something in thin air with his wand, and a new message was chalked onto the board.

"The invasions themselves…as such…were not unexpected," Professor Binns drawled. "On the contrary…the villagers had _adequate_ defenses, in case of such an attack…"

Behind him, the words "_Binns is a boring old sod_," had formed, much to the amusement of the second years. They started to titter lightly when they noticed. Sirius was not finished yet.

"_Blah, blah, blah, troll invasions, blah, blah," _the blackboard continued. _"Studying dragon dung would be more interesting than listening to this senile twat,"_

A collective chuckle was rising from the students around the room, and the ones who had only just noticed were nudging their neighbours, pointing to the board. Binns became slightly distracted and began to dither a little, losing his thread- which was something very unusual for him.

Peter, as always, found this hysterical- of all the students in the room, he was laughing hardest. James drew his wand and decided he wanted to have a go as well. Before long, the blackboard had a new message:

"_He's so dull he wouldn't even notice a troll invasion," _

"_Even if they invaded this room,"_ added Sirius, with a curly flick of his wand.

_"Pity you can't die twice,"_ wrote James.

_"Lucky, really. He might be even more boring if he was doubly-dead," _

He and James exchanged superior smiles, listening to the students' amusement - but their happiness was short-lived. With a startlingly loud bang, the classroom door behind them was flung open, and in strode Filch and his mangy old cat Scraggles.

Alarm struck the four boys, and they instantly tried to hide their faces behind their robes as Filch passed them, down the central aisle.

"Excuse me for interrupting, Professor," he said sternly. "But I'm looking for some students…"

His narrowed eyes scanned the room. Students were still giggling at the messages on the board, and the fact that they were giggling in the first place during History of Magic made Filch suspicious.

"We've got to get out of here!" fretted Sirius, hiding his face with his robe sleeves.

"How?" snapped Remus.

"Y-yeah, he's got us cornered!" Peter moaned. "Its over, isn't it James? We'll have to just admit defeat, won't we?"

James was looking surprisingly calm. He pointed defiantly at Peter.

"Don't ever let me hear you say that again, Wormtail," he said. "We haven't let anything stop us yet, have we? No!"

Perhaps it was because James said this a little too loudly, or perhaps it was because Filch wasn't quite that stupid not to notice them up the back, rather obviously trying to hide behind their hands- either way, at that moment, the caretaker spotted them. His slitted eyes suddenly widened and he leered victoriously.

"We have to go! Follow me!" said Sirius, sliding out of his chair and under the desk. James followed suit, and so did Peter.

"What are you doing?" asked Remus, worriedly. "Exactly where are you planning on going?"

He didn't get a reply, only James grabbing his arm and dragging him under too.

"This way!" called Sirius, leading them on their hands and knees under the desk in front of them, and past several sets of students' legs.

"Hope you know what you're doing, Padfoot!" called James.

"Not really," confessed Sirius, crawling awkwardly underneath another desk, causing several girls to shriek and leap up. "Sorry, excuse us…"

"Potter!" Filch roared. "You and your little friends had better get back here, or you'll all be in serious trouble!"

Peter got himself temporarily entangled in someone's backpack and thrashed about in panic. This caused several empty chairs to fall over in a domino effect, one of which almost fell onto Remus, who gasped and just managed to get out of the way. Students were standing up, startled and puzzled as the four escaping Marauders clawed their way underneath the chairs and desks. Chaos was slowly erupting over the room. No one really knew what was going on, especially not Professor Binns (he looked as if he was wondering whether it was worth telling his students to turn to chapter 29 in their text books or not).

"Did you hear me, boys?" Filch hollered, dancing around, looking like he wasn't sure how to try to head them off. "Stop where you are! You're not going anywhere!"

"He's obviously not familiar with the art of 'nicking off'," said Sirius, squeezing past two more pairs of legs, and scuttling under another desk.

"I'd say not," agreed James. "Sorry- coming through, don't mind us,"

Sirius dragged himself out from under the tables, now near the front of the classroom. James, Remus and Peter clambered out too, looking a little dishevelled after crawling through the maze of chairs and desks. Filch looked hopping mad that they had ignored him. He began to make his way towards them, through the disjointed desks, fallen chairs, and students who had stood up to watch what was going on.

"Right!" he bellowed. "Don't you dare move another inch!"

"Here!" yelled Sirius, suddenly noticing a way out. He had clapped eyes on a second door just behind where the blackboard stood, which must have lead out to another corridor, or an office. The Marauders didn't care where it lead to at that point; it was their only hope. They ran to it, praying it wasn't locked. Remus had just drawn his wand in case a quick _"Alohomora"_ was needed, but Sirius opted for brute strength instead- he hurled himself fearlessly at the door and it burst open.

The four boys tore through, just as Filch reached it. With a quick smile at the livid caretaker, James slammed the door shut, bolting it behind him.

Wherever they were, it was dark. Remus, with his wand still drawn, whispered _"Lumos"_, causing his wand tip to glow brightly, illuminating the space around them. They seemed to have found their way into a small storeroom. Stacks of rolled parchment sat in the shadowy corners, and a few mysterious looking boxes were piled in mounds along the walls.

"Please don't tell me we've just locked ourselves in a storage cupboard," said Remus flatly.

Behind them, the door James had bolted rattled, and Filch's angry, muffled cries could be heard.

"Rem, this is a _castle_," said Sirius, checking behind a few stacks of boxes. "You forget- wherever there's a way in, there's always at least 3 ways out!"

"Speaking of which," said James, from somewhere in the darkness ahead of them. "Voila!"

Daylight flooded into the room, as James stood proudly by a now open doorway.

Gladly, the Marauders stepped out. They found themselves in a hallway which they recognised as one nearby the Muggle Studies room. Knowing it wouldn't be very smart to hang around, they left the scene as quickly as possible.

"_Close call, _eh?" James breathed, running a hand through his tousled hair. "Another success for the Marauders!"

Remus stared at him in disbelief as they walked. "Please define 'success' for me, James, because now we have Filch on our trail, and he _knows_ we're guilty!"

"Well…" said Sirius, fishing around for something positive to say. "At least we gave those poor second years a lesson they won't forget!"

"Yeah," chuckled James. "I loved the '_senile twat'_ comment, mate. Priceless,"

"I do what I can, Prongs," said Sirius airily. Peter giggled.

James' expression darkened slightly, and he stopped.

"Hang on, where did Peeves go?" he asked. "I thought he'd at least help us out by distracting Filch, or lead him off in the wrong direction,"

"You're right!" said Sirius in realisation. "Filchy did find us pretty quickly in that classroom. Its almost as if Peeves told him exactly where we were!"

The four boys indulged in a moment of silence, each of them trying to process this thought.

"He wouldn't do that," concluded James. "I mean, he's on our side, right?"

"He's a _poltergeist_, James, he isn't on anyone's side," said Remus, witheringly. "Can't you see that?"

"Yeah, but we have our code to keep to!" Sirius pointed out. "You know: we watch his back while he watches ours, that sort of thing,"

"Maybe Remus is right," said Peter, very carefully. James and Sirius looked at him sharply.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…Peeves never really helps anyone, does he? He _did_ put the Slug Curse on me yesterday. What if- what if he's only _saying_ he's helping us, but he really doesn't care if we get caught or not?"

Remus looked to James and Sirius to see their response. Both were looking slightly unsure.

"That's stupid," declared Sirius. "Possibly the most idiotic suggestion you've ever made, Wormtail. Next to that one about Doxy droppings back in 3rd year, perhaps,"

"Peeves wouldn't abandon us," James muttered. "We agreed to help each other out. We're on the same level,"

A harsh cold breeze blew through the hallway, and Peeves himself appeared with his usual jovial pop.

"You see?" said James to Remus and Peter. "Very loyal!"

"Hey, where were you?" asked Sirius, a little angrily. "We nearly got caught!"

Peeves puffed himself up. "Helped you hide, I did!" he said.

"Of course you did, and we're _very_ grateful, aren't we?" said James, glancing meaningfully around at the other three. "What next?"

Before they could plan any further, something caught their attention. A dirty, dark grey cat came skulking up to them, instantly recognisable as Scraggles- Filch's personal patrol assistant. Every student knew: wherever Scraggles was, Filch wasn't far behind. He glared up at them and meowed warningly, which almost certainly meant "_You're in for it now_".

They could hear the heavy clumping of boots not far away.

"_Oh no_," groaned Sirius. "He's onto us again!"

"Come on, lets move, quick!" cried James, taking off again. Peeves hurtled after them, chuckling inappropriately.

The boys raced down the hallway, their robes flying behind them.

"I can't run anymore, James," Peter rasped. "I'm so tired!"

"Don't stop!" James snapped. "Whatever you do, don't stop! We can do this!"

James skidded around a corner and stopped abruptly.

They had reached a dead end.

"NO!" he cried, almost hysterical. "No! There must be a way through!"

Sirius ran straight into the wall, slamming his hands into the stones, as if hoping a doorway would magically appear. He had no such luck.

"We're trapped!" he sobbed. "We can't be trapped, we're the Marauders! We don't get trapped!"

The footsteps were sounding less and less distant.

"What are we going to do now?" asked Peter, panicked. "If Filch finds us, th-then he'll tell all the other teachers, won't he?"

"Y-yeah, but he won't be able to _prove_ that its us, will he?" said Sirius, determined not to give in. "Apart from him, his smelly old cat will be the only other witness- his word against ours? Come on…"

"Sirius, a whole _classroom_ full of students saw us!" Remus exclaimed, nervously grabbing his badge. "And Professor Binns! I hate to rain on your parade, but we couldn't look more responsible if we tried!"

Peeves looked rather unconcerned about the whole thing, and had flipped upside down again, wiggling his curly belled toes.

"Peeves, you've got to help us!" said James sincerely. "Please, where can we hide?"

Peeves flipped right way up again and gave an exaggerated shrug.

"It isn't _Peeves's_ problem," he said, grinning wickedly. "Naughty 5th years can find their own hiding place,"

"But what about the 'Troublemakers Code' and all that?" asked Sirius frantically. "Honour? Respect? Sticking up for your friends?"

Peeves dipped his jingly hat, blew one final raspberry and vanished from the scene.

"Oh, GREAT!" James cried, throwing up his arms in dismay. "Deserted! That's it, I'm never trusting a poltergeist again!"

"Its nice to hear you've learnt your lesson," said Remus sardonically.

The footsteps were almost upon them. The four remaining friends backed up against the wall.

It looked grim.

Sirius gulped. "Brace yourselves for the worst, Marauders," he said, shakily.

Peter shut his eyes.

Around the corner came not only Filch and Scraggles…but Professor Quinn, looking sourly pleased with herself, her hands clasped neatly together. Filch's face lit up upon seeing them, and even Scraggles looked triumphant.

"Hello, boys," said Quinn, in a sickeningly pleasant tone. "Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you,"

**

* * *

**


	11. Day 5, Part II: Blundering Bludgers

* * *

…**Well, you didn't think I could let April Fools day go by without updating, did you? (spare one day…but who's counting?)**

**Anyway…I hope you all enjoyed April 1st, and got up to a little mischief. God knows I did!**

**Thankyou AGAIN to all you lovely reviewers/readers- ThelovelyladyLily, drigger, and Queen of Alexandria, to mention a couple. I wish I had time to name some more names, but I'm running late, so I'll save that for next time. I'll add a massive thankyou to everyone individually at the end of the story. And yes, the end is in sight! **

**Anyway, I'll be quiet now and let you read on...**

* * *

The atmosphere in Dumbledore's office was tense. James, Remus, Sirius and Peter had been escorted there by Quinn and Filch, one on either side, as if they were criminals being taken away to be locked up. None of them had spoken until they arrived, and now as the four boys stood waiting for the Headmaster, they began to fear the worst.

James and Sirius had taken their capture particularly harshly. James had gone deathly quiet, and Sirius was pacing, fuelled with nervous energy.

Fawkes the Phoenix was watching them all curiously from his perch.

"Glad someone's relaxed!" said Sirius, pointing at the magnificent bird suddenly. "You wouldn't know what its like, would you? Thinking you knew someone, then having them abandon you when you need them most!"

Fawkes clucked softly.

"Yeah, that's right," said Sirius, continuing his pacing, back and forth. "Last time I _ever_ trust a poltergeist- last time I ever _talk_ to one either! In fact-"

"Sirius, will you stop that?" asked Remus. "You're making me dizzy,"

"We'll be alright," muttered James, more to himself than anyone else. "We just have to stay calm, keep our nerve. Don't panic,"

Peter was biting his lip and fidgeting.

"James, what will we do if we get expelled?" he said quietly. "What if Peeves told-"

"Ah! Don't you say his name!" said James so suddenly he caused the others to jump, startled (Sirius was so on edge that he gasped and clutched his heart in shock).

Peter blinked in slight confusion.

"Who's name? Peev-"

"No!" said James. "Don't! Traitorous little maggot! We're not to speak of him again! I want nothing to do with him,"

"I did warn you," offered Remus weakly. "He's bad news,"

"Bad news, that's for sure," said Sirius savagely, pacing with increased agitation. "Irritating little-"

"Ah. You're all here,"

Dumbledore had entered behind them. He was dressed in sweeping robes of sky blue, lined elegantly with silver trimming. His long white hair and beard almost seemed to shimmer as he observed the boys knowingly over his half-moon glasses.

"Uh, yes," croaked James. "Hello, S-Sir,"

Dumbledore calmly crossed to his desk and sat down.

"Let me draw you up some chairs- I would hardly have my guests stand whilst I sit. Very rude of me indeed!" he said, bringing out his wand and neatly conjuring four chairs on the opposite side of the desk for the boys. "Have a seat,"

Hesitantly, the Marauders looked to each other for reassurance, then lowered themselves into the chairs.

Dumbledore steepled his fingers and looked at the four boys carefully.

"Now-"

Sirius wasted no time in launching into a frenzied explanation.

"We didn't mean to barge into Professor Binn's classroom, really, we were just passing, well, and I thought I should stop by and get my essay back, so we went in, and we didn't know Filch was following us, o-or that he wanted to talk to us- as we didn't know what he wanted to talk to us about-"

Remus put his head in his hands as Sirius rambled on.

"Because we hadn't done anything wrong, you see, so he must have gotten us confused with someone else, so that's why he was chasing us, and we knew nothing about the Frisbees, and-"

"Toffee?" asked Dumbledore, politely.

"Huh?" asked Sirius, puzzled. "I mean- sorry?"

Dumbledore smiled vaguely, taking an old biscuit tin of sweets out from one of his draws and offering it to them.

"Would any of you like a toffee?" he repeated. "Honeydukes best, I can't go in there without buying some,"

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter- all to nervous to eat anything- shook their heads frantically.

"Oh, well," said Dumbledore, replacing the tin. "More for me, I daresay. I'm sorry, Sirius, I believe I interrupted you. Do continue,"

Sirius paused a moment, trying to get over the initial shock of being offered a toffee.

"Uh…" he started, feeling stupid. "No, I was…I was finished, anyway,"

"Ah," said Dumbledore, readjusting his glasses ever-so-slightly. "I hope you won't mind if I proceed, then,"

The Marauder's found the Headmaster's peaceful ambience to be more unnerving than if he had been angry with them. They felt even more uneasy, not knowing what would come next.

Peter shifted slightly. James gripped his chair.

"Though I can't say I can keep an eye on every student, and all corners of the school, all the time…" Dumbledore began. "I have noticed, over the past few days, that we seem to have had a few unusual, and unexplained occurrences,"

He surveyed them with his light blue eyes for a moment, then continued.

"I do not wish to jump to any conclusions," he said. "But I do have reason to believe that we could possibly have…a troublemaker, or two, in our midst,"

"Oh?" said James, in a would-be casual voice.

"Oh indeed," said Dumbledore, with a faint smile playing around the corners of his mouth. "A number of happenings have snagged my attention, yes. Over the past few days I have had several anonymous reports of such things as rampaging teacups, mysterious pink fog, and just recently a knight on the second floor giving passers-by a friendly bonk on the head with his mace,"

Peter winced and gingerly touched his head. James and Sirius looked as if they were concentrating as hard as they possibly could not to smile at the mention of their pranks. Remus on the other hand was dreadfully pale.

"I am sure, or at least I hope, that there is a reasonable explanation behind all of this," said the Headmaster lightly. "Though amusing it may seem, I would be happy if the guilty member, or members, were to come forth. This is, after all, a school- not a part of Zonko's testing facility. Jokes and prank-pulling, I'm afraid, will not be tolerated,"

The four boys sat quietly, their faces set. Dumbledore leaned forward ever so slightly, and his expression became a little more sombre.

"Is there anything- _anything_ at all- that either of you four wish to tell me?"

No one spoke. Every second of silence that passed seemed like a lifetime- and for every second that they didn't speak, they could feel any remaining dregs of Dumbledore's belief that they were innocent slipping away.

Someone had to say something. Sirius glanced sideways at James hopefully. James opened his mouth to speak but didn't know what to say. Peter's jaw was trembling.

Then, looking rather sick, but determined- Remus stood up. All three Marauders looked straight to him- Dumbledore raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Professor," said Remus, ashen-faced. "As a school Prefect, I can safely say…that my friends and I…have had nothing to do with any of these recent occurrences,"

Sirius and James' eyes widened, and Peter almost choked. Dumbledore watched Remus reverently.

Remus glanced at his friends briefly, then continued.

"We were on our way to lessons this morning, when…when Peeves alerted me that he had seen someone throwing Fanged Frisbees at Madam Hooch and her class. My friends and I went to investigate, only to find the culprit had moved on. So, I had a look around. We came across the bewitched suit of armour nearby, and knew someone was up to something- as we'd all noticed the on-goings throughout the week. We thought perhaps we would go in to ask Professor Binns if he had seen anything unusual, as his classroom was nearby- but we saw he was busy teaching, so we thought we would just head back to our own class…"

Remus paused, obviously doing some very quick thinking. He swallowed nervously.

"We were just on our way," he continued. "When Mr Filch and Professor Quinn came across us, and misunderstood. They thought perhaps it was _us_ who had been causing trouble, and so…sent us to see you. I-I hope that explains why we were out of class,"

Remus adopted the most serious face he could muster. "I can assure you, Professor…it wasn't us,"

The other three Marauders were watching Remus, completely dumbstruck.

"Very well," said Dumbledore softly, inclining his head. "I thank you for making that clear, Remus. Is there anything else you wish to add?"

Remus shook his head.

"No, Professor,"

Dumbledore nodded.

"All right," he said. "Though, if, at any point, you _do_ find anything out, I would very much appreciate it if you could report what you know to me,"

"Oh we will," said Sirius, who had found his voice, catching a ride on Remus' confidence.

"We'll come straight to you if we get any clues," said James, as he and the other two stood up and pushed their chairs in. "You can rely on us, Professor,"

Dumbledore gave a whimsical smile.

"Off you go then," he said.

Fawkes ruffled his brilliant feathers and softly cooed goodbye as the Marauders turned and left the office at full speed. They leapt down the spiral staircase, and as soon as they were a safe distance away, exploded into adulation for Remus.

"That was BRILLIANT, Moony!" exclaimed James. "You sounded so professional! Had him completely fooled! He doesn't suspect a thing now!"

"Honestly Moony, if it wasn't going to look odd, I could _kiss_ you right now!" howled Sirius. "I love you mate! You just saved our behinds!"

However, Remus was not looking so pleased. He was on the edge of breaking down, leaning up against the wall with his head in his hands.

"What have I done?" he groaned. "Why did I do that?"

"Coz you're our friend, Rem!" said James happily. "You stood up for us! And that's what being a Marauder is all about!"

"But how could I _say_ that?" sobbed Remus, sliding down the wall to the floor. "I _lied_ to the _Headmaster_! I told him a complete lie!"

"Its ok, Remus!" said Peter. "I would have believed you,"

"Yeah," said Sirius, sitting down next to him, trying to sound comforting. "You did _great_! Dumbledore bought it, and now he's not going to think its us. He's thinks we're trying to _help_, of all things!"

Remus shook his head, not looking up. "He's not that easily fooled," he croaked. "He'll see straight through what I said, and he'll be so angry that I made all that up just to get us out of trouble. I won't be a Prefect anymore, I won't even be a student anymore- he'll send me home…"

"Course he won't!" said James, putting an arm around him. "You sounded pretty convincing to me. Anyway, cheer up, mate! We've got loads to look forward to. April Fool's Day on Sunday!"

"Yeah, and it'll be full moon the Sunday after that, too!" added Peter, merrily.

Remus looked up at them in tragic astonishment.

"Is that supposed to cheer me up?" he sobbed.

* * *

It was well into the afternoon and Remus was still feeling terrible about his fibbing to Dumbledore, despite the fact that they had free time for exam study. The four Marauders were sitting down by the lake in the warm afternoon sun- half pretending to work, and half watching the Giant Squid sunning its tentacles just below the water's surface.

"Oh Moooony!" sang Sirius. "Come on, enough sulking! Time to brighten up! I personally don't know what you're so upset about- after all, you lied to _us_ for almost 2 whole years, right?"

Remus didn't move, his head in his hands.

"Thankyou for reminding me," he mumbled. "Just what I needed,"

"Hey, by lying to him you got us out of a lot of trouble," James pointed out. "You stood up for us,"

"Dumbledore believed you," said Sirius. "You forget, you have an _advantage_ when it comes to swaying opinions,"

Remus looked up, raising his eyebrows. Sirius pointed to the glimmering gold Prefect badge pinned to Remus' chest.

All Marauders looked to it (Peter; rather enviously, as though he wished he had one too.)

"Our saviour," whispered James.

"I don't want anyone to think I'm exploiting my power," said Remus evenly, folding his arms over it protectively. "Using my badge to get my friends out of trouble. If word gets around that I'm a biased Prefect, then I'll probably be the most hated person in the school,"

"What, on the same level as Snivellus?" scoffed James, half laughing.

"Probably lower than Sniv- I mean Severus," said Remus, frowning. "I don't want that,"

"Now you're just talking rubbish. Look, Rem- stop feeling guilty, start feeling Maraudery!"

"Prongs is right," declared Sirius. "I can't believe we've got a whole afternoon to ourselves and we're not even pranking. Look!" He held up his own Potions textbook in disbelieving disgust. "What's wrong with us!"

"What can we do?" asked Peter, excitedly. "Should I go and get the list? Hey! Maybe we could get some more Fanged Frisbees, like the ones Peev-"

"Shut up!" shouted Sirius, clasping a hand over Peter's mouth.

"Wormtail" snapped James. "Don't you dare say his name! We are NOT mentioning the traitor, remember?"

Peter stammered nervously, trying to fix his sentence. "L-like the ones pe- um…people, use. Heh," he finished, lamely.

James thought for a moment. "Well if we do anything, it'll have to wait til later: I've got Quidditch practise in about 10 minutes,"

"Come on then," said Sirius, stretching. "We'll tag along and watch- maybe a little Quidditch will cheer you up, Moony!"

Remus muttered something to the effect of "I highly doubt it," as the four boys stood up and started back towards the castle.

* * *

After James had changed into his Gryffindor Quidditch robes, and collected his broom, the Marauders trekked down to the Quidditch pitch.

"Who's our next match against, Prongsy?" asked Sirius as they walked. "Slytherin, isn't it?"

"Yeah, next week," replied James, pulling a bent twig out of his broomstick tail. "I can't wait. I'm just in the mood to give them a thrashing,"

They reached the top of a rocky hill, and the Quidditch pitch came into view.

"Hey look!" said Peter, pointing. "There's already some players there,"

James adjusted his glasses and squinted, trying to make out who the little figures were. A gasp rose in Sirius' throat.

"Hang on…Son of a-! Its those bloody Slytherins!" he cursed. "What are they doing there?"

"We booked the pitch, its our turn to practise!" cried James furiously, taking off down the hill. "They had it last week! What do they think they're doing?"

"James, they probably have a good reason!" said Remus, not liking James' tone as he raced down towards the pitch. "Don't do anything rash…please!"

The boys ran onto the pitch. The green-clad Slytherins were standing in the middle of the stadium. There were the beaters, Ian Bode and Claude Zabini; Keeper, Hamish Nettles; Gregory Gwynham, their Seeker; and the Chasers- two of which were known as the Bickleford sisters (who were by no means attractive- both had long, drab mousy hair and bushy eyebrows that surely seemed to connect at the bridges of their noses), and the third, their Captain Rick Vorgan, appropriately nicknamed Vulture, owing to the fact that he did indeed look like a big, scrawny bird: gangly and tall, with a long neck, wispy near-white hair, and a mean, undernourished look about his features- he looked as if someone only had to double cross him once and he would prey on them for the rest of their life.

"OI!" James shouted, slowing to a walk, the other Marauders close behind him. "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm bloody sure that Gryffindor's got the pitch booked for today- so what are you lot doing here?"

The Slytherins turned to look. Vulture smirked.

"You _are_ wrong, Potter," he stated. "We booked the pitch,"

"You liars," panted James, wiping a hand across his forehead. "We had our names down on the sheet a whole week ago! How the heck have _you_ booked it?"

Vulture grinned widely, baring crooked teeth. "By means of scrubbing your names out and putting ours down instead,"

The Slytherins guffawed stupidly. Cold rage flowed over James, and he clenched his broom.

"Well, the rest of the Gryffindors will be here in a minute," he said coolly. "They'll have a few words to say to you,"

"Got news for you Potter," said Claude Zabini spitefully. "They've already been here. Vulture told 'em where to go!"

"Left straight away!" the uglier of the two Bickleford sisters chimed in. "Scared them right off!"

"Yeah, they were crying too!"

The Slytherins all laughed heartily- Vulture sounding rather vulture-like.

"They're only trying to wind you up, mate, don't listen!" Sirius murmured, as James started breathing heavily through his nostrils.

As the laughter died down, Vulture advanced. The others followed, until they were all bearing down on the Marauders dominantly. The majority of the Slytherins were rather brawny and tall, making James and his three friends seem very small and weak. Peter cowered behind Remus.

Vulture leaned close to James with a predatory glare.

"You and your little friends can nick off, Potter," he said softly. "So we can get on with our team meeting, and then practise for next week, when we'll give your team such a trouncing you'll be too embarrassed to ever show your face on the pitch again,"

Sirius angrily started towards him, but Remus grabbed his sleeve and held him back. James momentarily shut his hazel eyes. When he opened them again, he looked surprisingly content.

"All right!" he said jovially. "Nothing we can do. You're right, we're wrong, we apologise for interrupting,"

Vulture's expression teetered between victory and confusion. James grinned around.

"Right," he said, decidedly clapping his hands. "Come on, let's go. Leave these boys to _practise_,"

Smiling, James turned his back on Vulture and the Slytherins and walked away. The remaining Marauders paused, before following him, leaving the Slytherins somewhat unsatisfied that they hadn't reduced James to a quivering heap with their trademark threats.

"What are you doing?" hissed Sirius, running to keep up with James as he strolled away across the grass. "You could have taken him! We all could have!"

"Uh, I _don't_ think so, Sirius," Remus countered instantly. "We don't need anymore enemies. Plus, I'd like to still have the use of my limbs by the end of the day,"

"Come on, they're all talk!" said Sirius urgently. "Lets go back, show them what we're made of! What do you reckon?"

James showed no sign of turning back.

"Oh don't worry," he said airily. "I've far from finished with them,"

The other three stopped. James did too, realising they were no longer behind him. He turned to them.

"Did none of you notice," he said, "that they didn't have their brooms with them?"

Sirius, Remus and Peter looked puzzled.

"So?" asked Sirius. "They've probably left them in the…_ohh_,"

Realisation dawned on Sirius, and devious grins concurrently spread over his and James' faces.

"Yes," said James gleefully, pointing to the Slytherin team's change rooms. "My guess is that their brooms are sitting unattended in there. Which means…"

"They've left themselves _wide_ open," observed Sirius. "Shouldn't have doubted you for a second, Prongs,"

"Wait," said Remus warily, leaving Peter as the only one who hadn't picked up yet. "You're going to tamper with their broomsticks, aren't you?"

James gave an evil chuckle, and he and Sirius set off again across the grass towards the change rooms. Remus cringed with dread.

"No…oh no, no, no, you're _not…_"

"Oh yes we are," said James highly. "If we can't practise, then neither can they. We wouldn't want them to have an unfair advantage, would we?"

"You're right James!" said Peter. "Its not fair! They shouldn't have bossed you around like that!"

They reached the edge of the grass, and checked behind them. The Slytherins were still in the middle of the pitch, but weren't watching. They seemed to be discussing tactics, and were far too absorbed in their little meeting to notice James, Sirius, Remus and Peter creeping into their change rooms.

There were Slytherin banners and signs draped around the walls, and the benches were strewn with the team's belongings. The boys peered around. Sure enough, an assortment of brooms- seven, to be exact- stood propped up against a wall next to a blackboard with little moving chalk diagrams drawn on it.

"Now, what did I tell you?" said James, approaching the brooms. "The stupid, gullible idiots…"

"What are you going to do?" asked Peter.

"Something to make them _look_ like stupid, gullible idiots," replied James. "Any of you any good with broom backfiring charms?"

Sirius cracked his knuckles, grinning.

"Why, funny you should say that Prongsy. That's my area of expertise,"

He drew his wand with finesse and pointed it at the twiggy stack of brooms.

Remus turned away.

"I'm not witnessing this," he said defiantly.

"I am!" said Peter, watching keenly. "I want to learn how to do it!"

"Don't try it, Wormtail," warned James. "With your luck, you'll accidentally curse yourself, and _you'll_ backfire…like one of Hagrid's blast-ended skrewts," He paused, looking mildly amused. "What a revolting thought,"

Sirius pushed his hair out of his eyes, concentrating hard. He took a deep breath and uttered the charm: the brooms shivered collectively, and emitted a short burst of white sparks.

"There!" said Sirius proudly. "Done it! That should give them at least eight or nine good explosions each, possibly more. Wonder which one is Vulture's? I could try tripling the curse for that one, if we knew,"

The sound of approaching voices drifted in from outside.

"Someone's coming!" said Remus, horrified. "I think its them! How are we supposed to get out of here?"

James darted over to a large Slytherin tapestry hanging on the back wall.

"If this is like the Gryffindor change rooms…" he muttered. "Then there should be a way out…ah, here! Quickly, this way!"

Sirius, Peter and Remus shot over and followed James out through the tapestry, down a little corridor, which lead them outside to the back of the stands. They peered around the corner just in time to see the Slytherins march into the room they themselves had just left, and then troop out again, brooms in hand.

Sirius snorted and doubled over, already laughing. Peter gave a squeak of anticipation.

"Oh, this will be good," said James. "Mount your brooms, boys,"

The first to clamber onto their broomsticks were Zabini and Bode, the Beaters. Clutching their clubs, they kicked off from the ground, not expecting anything. The result was alarming.

With two loud gunfire-like bangs that echoed around the pitch, Zabini and Bode's brooms exploded at the tails, propelling them both violently off the ground. With a scream, Bode was sent rocketing across the pitch at such a speed that he slipped and was left dangling underneath- Zabini's broom had shot vertically up into the air with him clinging on for dear life- he reached such a height that he seemed like merely a speck to those on the ground. Confused, Keeper Hamish Nettles mounted his own broom, only to be exploded forth into the ugly Bickleford sisters, bowling them off their feet, and triggering their own brooms to launch into the air with thunderous bangs, with each of them hanging on with one hand as they soared into the air. Vulture was too cocky to believe that anything was wrong with his broom, and so he climbed onto his own, only to be blasted with incredibly force diagonally into the air, shooting into one of the stands with a force that rightfully should have broken his broom. He was nearly thrown off, and had just managed to steady himself in mid air, when his broom exploded again, and he was shot upwards, missing Zabini by centimetres.

It was not long before all players were in the air, shooting off in different directions with loud explosions and screams of confusion. Pieces of burnt twigs were drifting down over the pitch as the broomsticks continued to rocket around the stadium, ridden by their terrified owners.

"Ahh…bliss," said James, completely satisfied with what he was watching. "Great work, Padfoot. Great work,"

"There's nothing I like more than a bit of Slytherin torture in the afternoon," howled Sirius, trying to wipe his eyes. "Oh quick, look! Collision!"

A Bickleford sister and Gregory Gwynham crashed into each other, mid-field. The pair of them tumbled to the ground, just as Hamish Nettles' broom shot through one of the hoops, almost knocking him off, and sending him into a spiralling nosedive to the sand below (which was accelerated when his broom exploded again).

"Marauders-10, Slytherins- Nil!" commented James. "Excellent form, lads!"

However, the most enjoyable backfire the boys were to witness came next- Vulture was clinging to his unruly broom high above the grounds- suddenly, it blasted violently not once, not twice, but three times diagonally down to the pitch with the speed of a bullet- the last explosion lodged the tip of the broomstick into the ground and Vulture was thrown off- arms flailing, he plummeted face first into a particularly muddy area of grass.

Back behind the change room, James, Sirius and Peter collapsed to the ground in fits of laughter.

"Did you hear?" Sirius shrieked, clutching his sides. "He screamed like a little girl!"

"Oh this is _golden_!" choked James. "I'm going to tell my grand-children this one! Could it possibly be any better?"

"You know…it probably could,"

The three boys looked up in shock to see Remus smiling. He pointed over behind the nearby Hufflepuff stand.

"There are a whole cage full of bludgers over there," he said lightly. "If you _did_ want to, er, turn up the heat a little…of course, not that I'd encourage that…or anything,"

This revelation was the icing on the cake for the Marauders. James and Sirius looked almost like they were going to cry with delight.

"Lead the way, Rem!" said Sirius.

With the bangs of the backfiring brooms still echoing across the Quidditch pitch, the four boys raced over to the Hufflepuff stand. Remus was right- they found themselves face to face with a large cage of spare practise bludgers, all rattling around, eager to get out.

James grabbed the padlock and cast a swift _"Alohomora!"_. It clicked open, and he, Sirius, Remus and Peter took a hold of the lid.

"When I say go, push it open, then hit the ground- alright?" instructed James. "Ready- and- GO!"

The four boys heaved open the heavy cage lid and then ducked out of the way. They felt the bludgers zooming out and hurtling towards the pitch- the boys only dared look up when the felt the last of many bludgers whoosh past their heads.

The Quidditch pitch was now in absolute bedlam. While the Slytherins were still being randomly propelled in all directions from their broom explosions, the feature that made the scene complete was the storm of bludgers now careering after the team members.

How many they had released, the Marauders didn't know, but it was certainly a lot. Some were newer ones, and were particularly fast, zipping around the pitch while others were slower and a bit unsteady- yet nonetheless just as aggressive. Zabini and Bode, the Beaters, were trying to swing at them with their clubs, though it seemed to be proving difficult as they still had no control over their backfiring broomsticks. Vulture, who was still on the ground, had to run on foot as about four berserk bludgers took an interest in him and started racing after him. Gwynham was knocked forwards off his broom as one bludger got him square in the back, and the Bickleford Chasers were screaming hysterically, trying to land, but having no luck with their out-of-control broomsticks.

"Hey, who's that?" Sirius managed to ask through his laughter, looking across the pitch.

The Gryffindor team had appeared, and were watching the madness in utter shock. They had brought tiny Professor Flitwick with them (obviously to sort out the business with the Slytherins and the pitch booking)- unfortunately, several of the bludgers saw them as new victims. Within no time at all, Flitwick and the Gryffindors were caught up in the chaos too, dancing out of the way of bludgers- poor Flitwick had barely drawn his wand when a bludger whipped past and knocked it from his hand.

"Oh dear," said Remus, watching in despair. "This has gone a bit far…"

"Lets bail," grinned James. "I think we've well and truly got them back. Flitwick will sort it all out," (as he said this, Flitwick gave a terrified cry and started running back to the castle).

"All hail Remus' inner miscreant!" cried Sirius. "You've done us proud, mate, thinking of the bludgers! I knew you'd come through!"

"Well…those Slytherins deserved it," said Remus fairly, smiling. "Sometimes it does pay to actively seek revenge…rather than just sit back and accept defeat,"

"What do you mean, 'sometimes'?" smirked Sirius. "I say _all_ the time!"

"Yeah!" said Peter proudly. "We're the Marauders, right Sirius? We take any excuse to cause some trouble! Just like Peev-"

Peter was instantly dealt a vigorous thwack across the back of his head by James.

"I thought I told you to NOT to say his NAME, you dolt, Wormtail!"

* * *


	12. Day 6, Part I: Harrassment in Hogsmeade

**Finally, I hear you cry! Haha, or not. You're no doubt all too absorbed in HBP to be reading fanfiction (I know I am!). Hope you're all enjoying it! I apologise for the delay, yet again (I swear, my life is one big delay these days). I would have posted this chapter sooner if I didn't have to restart it, due to my computer conveniently deciding it was going to mess with me, and prevent me from accessing my big file, containing the WHOLE of this story. Luckily I managed to rescue most of it, and my notes for the next chapters, so all's well. Anyway, there's my explanation, hope you accept it to be good enough. Heh. A few notes to reviewers before I get on with things:**

**ElizabethChrystal: Heck, I don't think I can even begin to dream that I am anywhereNEAR JK's standards, but nevertheless...I'm very, very happy you like it so much! I wanted to try something happy, with no angst or moody teenagers…I always imagined the Marauders having alot of fun while they were at school, so this is just one example of what they might have gotten up to. Thanks so much for all of your comments!**

**ThelovelyladyLily: it was so nice to see you quote a section you liked, that was incredibly sweet of you! Thanks a bunch, I hope you keep reading :P**

**the-mpreg-spirit: slash hints! Wow, and I didn't even try! Glad you liked it, though!**

**Dani: nooo, its definitely not the end, I can assure you. Thanks for reading and reviewing- it will get finished, if you can bear with me and my 'excuses' for not updating!**

**Nearly there, though...the final chapter is just around the corner. Anyhoo, I'll stop delaying you even more and let you carry on. Proceed, my precious readers...**

* * *

Being responsible for five days of (mostly) successful organised chaos had made the Marauders feel rather proud of themselves. Day 5 had ended on a high after their success on the Quidditch pitch, and had got even better when they had spied the battered looking Slytherin team being lectured by an angry Professor Flitwick on care and responsibility of school equipment.

The sixth day of pranking had barely begun, and already things were looking promising for the boys: not only was it a Saturday, but it also happened to be a Hogsmeade weekend, which was always a good thing. Also, it was 8:30 and so far they hadn't seen Filch stalking the corridors, as they usually did in the mornings. The absence of their least favourite caretaker only lifted the mood even higher (Sirius even suggested, with glee, that perhaps he and Scraggles had both come down with flu, and then went slightly dreamy-eyed, clearly hoping it was true). Though, despite the general good feeling, there was a sense of tension amongst the Marauders. They all knew that April Fools was only one sleep away, and they all knew that the pressure was on. The practical joking was now beyond a joke- things were getting serious, and they knew they couldn't afford for anything to go wrong at this late stage of the plan.

James, Sirius, Remus and Peter weren't the only ones feeling a little on edge, either- by this time, the students of Hogwarts were well aware that things were not quite right in the castle, and that someone was unmistakably 'up to something'. Everywhere, students were peeking around corners and constantly checking over their shoulders. Many had taken to moving only in large groups, and all were hesitant to eat or touch anything, in fear of a repeat of the Pepper Breath Pumpkin Juice incident, or perhaps triggering off another slime bucket.

Even several of the staff members seemed uneasy- poor Madam Pomfrey, for one, was rushed off her feet tending to students who had been clobbered by Peeves' possessed suit of armour on the second floor, or scared half to death by lurking fanged frisbees.

Still, the Marauders found this very encouraging. They were honoured to have had such an effect on the school, even if they were doing it anonymously.

It was over breakfast that morning that Sirius brought up the topic of 'The Big One' for April Fools Day. His grey eyes narrowed, as they often did when he had a plan brewing in his mind.

"I reckon I know what we can do," he said, gazing thoughtfully at his toast. "For tomorrow, I mean,"

"Ooh, what?" asked Peter instantly, looking up. "What is it, Sirius?"

Sirius assumed a haughty look and resumed eating.

"I'm not saying," he said. "Not until tonight, anyway. You'll have to wait til then to find out. It'll be tricky, a bit of a risk...but if we can pull it off, every student in the school will be celebrating,"

Remus was staring at Sirius worriedly over the rim of his goblet. "I already don't like the sound of this," he commented.

"Oh, you will, its brilliant," Sirius grinned.

"Don't be so sure," said Remus flatly.

Peter looked to be hovering between excitement and uncertainty.

"But-but just _how_ risky is it, Sirius?" he asked. "If we get caught...what'll we do then?"

"Come _on_! We won't get caught," Sirius laughed. "We haven't failed yet, have we?"

"Actually-" Remus intervened, but Sirius gallantly overrode him.

"No! No more negative talk, I won't hear it!" He pounded his fist on the table, narrowly missing the butter dish. "We WILL succeed and we WILL get away with it. Now, whenever either of you two have any doubts, I want you to keep repeating that to yourselves. All right?"

Peter nodded dutifully.

"This experience is going to leave me mentally scarred for the rest of my life," Remus muttered, shaking his head.

"Well _I_ for one am going to look back on it rather fondly," Sirius concluded. "Right, James?"

When James failed to answer, the 3 boys turned to look at him, anticipating a response. He had been shockingly quiet since they had entered the Great Hall that morning. He was sitting with his chin resting on his arms, which were folded in front of him the table. His glasses had slid to the end of his nose and he hadn't even noticed- he was far too busy staring further down the Gryffindor table. Something, or someone, had his attention.

"Prongs?" Sirius tried. He leaned over and waved a hand in front of his face. "Hey, Jamesy- you allright, mate?"

"Huh?" said James, realising he was being addressed, but not breaking his gaze. "Oh...yeah,"

"Are you sure? You haven't touched your breakfast," Remus observed, frowning slightly.

"You're not sick, are you James?" asked Peter.

"I think he's _love_sick," said Sirius, his face cracking into a grin. He pointed down the table to the central point of James' focus. "It's Evans again,"

Sure enough, there was Lily Evans, seated further down the table, amongst friends. She was instantly recognizable by her shock of auburn hair, and green eyes that seemed to glitter when she smiled. Her eyes flickered towards where the Marauders were seated- startled, James instantly withdrew his gaze, his hand flying to his hair.

"James," said Remus, despairingly. "Why don't you just go and talk to her?"

"Talk to who?" asked James, trying to sound casual, but looking a little distracted as he started to absently spread jam onto his eggs on toast. "I wasn't, I mean- I don't know- who are you talking about?"

Sirius grinned knowingly.

"Ahh, no one," he said, winking at the other two. "Hey, what are the plans for today?"

"Plans…" repeated James, staring down at his breakfast in confusion. "I don't know…"

"Isn't everyone going to Hogsmeade?" questioned Peter.

"Yes," replied Remus, smiling. He turned to Sirius. "Therefore there'll be no one around the castle for you to torment,"

Sirius thought this over for a moment. "You're right, Moony. Looks like we'll have to take our mischief making into Hogsmeade and cause some trouble there instead!"

Remus almost choked on his Pumpkin Juice.

"What?" he croaked. "That's not what I was suggesting at all!"

James- who seemed to be perking up a bit- pushed his glasses back up his nose, and grinned.

"Good plan, Remus!" he said. "We can go to Zonko's for some ideas, stock up on the essentials, perhaps even stop at Honeydukes to get some cockroach clusters…"

"Aren't you pranked out?" asked Remus urgently.

"Never!" shouted Sirius, rather valiantly. "Today's an excellent chance to get down to business. No lessons, for a start,"

"And no teachers," James pointed out. "Even if we _do_ run into one or two in Hogsmeade…we have an advantage. They're out of their natural habitat, they're _vulnerable_,"

Remus rolled his eyes.

"Um...should weget readyto go?" suggested Peter. "It's nearly 9 o'clock now,"

The boys wolfed down the rest of their breakfast and darted up to the Gryffindor tower to collect their cloaks, some money and other essentials, before heading back down to the entrance hall where other students were assembling, ready to leave the school and go into Hogsmeade. As the last students arrived and they set off across the grounds being lead by Professor Kettleburn, the Marauders failed to notice that they in particular were being closely followed by a certain, oily haired Slytherin…

* * *

At around half past nine, the students poured into Hogsmeade, chattering excitedly amongst themselves, planning on what they were going to buy at Honeydukes, and when they were going to meet up for Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks. It was also bustling with inhabitants of the village, out doing their morning shopping, and several shopkeepers were magicking up little signs to hang in their windows, advertising their specials. The atmosphere was all very cheerful.

The Marauders stood before the quaint little town, like artists standing before blank canvases.

"This place is just screaming for some pranking," commented Sirius, as if it were obvious.

"I really don't think you should," Remus warned. "This is a town. People live here- perhaps consider _them_ for a moment before you go off disturbing the peace,"

"Moony," said James, turning to him. "Let me get a few things straight before we set off. Number one: you are only a Prefect whilst in school. So no lectures on rule breaking today,"

Remus opened his mouth to say something but seemed to decide against it, and stayed quiet, frowning.

"Number two," James continued, now directing his attention to the other two Marauders as well. "There will be _no holding back._ It's a weekend, and we are a day away from completing the challenge- we've had our practice runs, its time to get serious. From now on, we _show no mercy_. Is that clear?"

"Crystal, James," remarked Sirius, while Peter nodded eagerly. Sirius turned a devious eye on an ugly old hag who happened to be passing, and discreetly drew his wand- he gave it a quick wave and a sign bearing the words "_Hex me!_" instantly appeared on her back.

"Sirius!" hissed Remus, as Peter snorted with laughter. "Take that off!"

"Oh, I don't think I want to," said Sirius airily, watching the old hag hobble off. "After all, _that_ would be breaking rule number two, wouldn't it?"

Remus bristled and crossed his arms.

"Nice work, Padfoot," said James. "Thirdly…what's that?"

James turned sharply, staring into a nearby bush. It rustled, the leaves quivering for a moment before falling still.

The Marauders gazed at it, curiously.

"Someone there?" called Sirius.

No response.

"It's probably a Doxy. They breed this time of year!" said Peter, rather happy he could contribute this vital piece of information.

"I didn't want to know that, Pete," said Sirius, wincing in disgust. "Prongs, might I suggest that the third rule for today is for Peter to keep his trap shut unless he's got something more interesting to talk about than mating Doxys?"

James thought for a moment. "Yes," he concluded. "You got that Wormtail?"

Peter scratched his mousy brown haired head, then mumbled "Yeah," as if he were still trying to figure out whether he had just been insulted or not.

"Right," said James, clapping his hands together. "Zonko's?"

"Absolutely," beamed Sirius, as the two of them headed off, Peter at their heels. Remus gave a desperate sigh before traipsing after them.

Moments later, the little thicket they had been standing near gave another rustle, as someone peered out…

* * *

James and Sirius were definitely in their element once they stepped into Zonko's Joke Shop. It was jam-packed with assorted magical items for tricking people with, and all around them things were whirring and buzzing and letting off little explosions. Mr Zonko himself- a lavishly dressed middle aged man, with long curly chestnut hair and a beard- was delightedly serving students from behind the counter, and having a laugh as he caught them out with various new products- including a range of trick sweets (a group of 3rd year boys had obviously just been offered some Hiccup Lollipops, as they were - between hiccuping - attempting to give Mr Zonko some money to buy themselves some bags full of them).

"I could spend all day in here," said James, looking around in awe. "Hey, look at this!"

He picked up a tiny, rubbery black spider.

"Its a 'Bonkers Bug'…apparently, you set it on someone, and it sits just behind their ear- and every so often, it'll start singing, or laughing madly- the person can't figure out where they voice is coming from, and they start to think they've gone mad!"

"Who would buy that sort of thing…" muttered Remus, physically dragging Sirius away from a box of 'Super Strength Dungbombs' his black-haired friend had just clapped eyes on.

Behind them, Peter let out a shriek as a stack of Pocket Sneak-o-Scopes came crashing down next to him, all of which started up ear-splitting whines as they scattered over the floor. Peter's cheeks flushed red.

"I'm sorry!" he cried, as Mr Zonko looked up to see what had caused the racket. "I-I didn't think I even touched them!"

"Not to worry!" he called, drawing his wand and giving it a quick flick. The Sneak-o-Scopes restacked themselves and fell silent once again. Peter nervously stepped away from them.  
"Can I help you lads with anyone?" asked Zonko, casually placing a tray of eerie screaming skulls onto a high shelf behind him. "Oh, zip it, you lot,"

The skulls lowered their screaming to a level of creepy moans- Sirius gazed up at them eagerly.

"I like those," he said, pointing at them.

"Oh, do you?" asked Zonko, casting a glance up at the skulls. "Scare the pants of someone, if used correctly. Best placed in a dark corner, I find. Was there anything in particular you were after today?"

"We're looking for some…inspiration," said James carefully, watching the group of hiccupping 3rd years exit the shop. "We want to try something _new_,"

"Ah," said Zonko, thinking for a moment. "Why don't you take one of these?"

He reached over the counter to a stack of glossy magazines- he took out a copy, and handed it to James. The other Marauders stood around him to look. The magazine, entitled _"Pranks Monthly"_, featured a moving picture of a wizard on the front, triumphantly holding a bag of Stink Pellets, which was being encircled by several flies. There were subheadings around the wizard, reading things in glittery lettering like "Turn your friends orange in 3 easy steps!", "Diversions! Our must have list!" and "100 disgusting things to put in your teacher's desk!"

"Very handy," said Zonko. "Enough ideas in there to keep you going for a while, I'd say. All very easy, too,"

"I'll take it!" cried James, decisively, delving into his pocket and withdrawing a fistful of Knuts and Sickles.

Mr Zonko beamed. "10 Sickles, thankyou," he said, accepting the money from James. "And might I suggest Page 13?"

"Thanks," grinned James, tucking the magazine under his arm. "We'll be back,"

"Have a good day, boys!" Zonko called, as they left the shop.

"I'm sure we will," said Sirius. "This is brilliant, I bet there's loads of stuff in there we can do,"

James opened the magazine and flicked through, as they began slowly walking down the street, past the bakery and The Three Broomsticks.

"Page 13, did he say?" he asked. "Wonder what's so special about Page 13?"

They stopped, as James looked for the section Mr Zonko had recommended. He found it, and as the other three leaned over to look, his eyes began to shine.

"Ohh, _brilliant_," he whispered.

Pages 13 and 14 were a double spread. With moving coloured diagrams, and instructions, the article's most prominent feature was a large picture of a baffled looking wizard with a pair of pink underpants, of all things, on his head. The title of the page read "_Want to humiliate someone like they've never been humiliated before? Expose their secrets in 2 waves and a flick! Learn the newest trick in the Wizarding World with our easy step by step guide!_"

"What's this?" cried Sirius, taking a hold of the magazine too, and reading frantically. "_'Wave your wand twice, once to the left, then to the right, followed by a sharp flick, whilst speaking the incantation…"Underpantus Revealus"- _so this is a hex to make people's _underwear_…appear…on their heads!"

"Seems to be!" said James happily, just as Remus let out a strangled cry of disbelief, and turned away, a hand to his head.

Peter gasped, bobbing up and down.

"Can we try it on someone! Please James?" he begged. "Could-could _I_ even have a go at it? Please?"

"Of course we can do it," James grinned, a look of determination on his face as he re-read the page. "We just need to locate a suitable victim,"

Sirius snapped his fingers. "Like Snivellus?"

"Preferably," said James, evilly. "If he's here,"

Remus turned around, looking like he was bursting to tell them off.

"Rule number one, Moony!" Sirius reminded him, in highly annoying sing-song voice. "Don't try to stop us. This one's golden!"

"Did I say anything?" said Remus.

"No…but you were going to," accused Sirius, pointing a finger at Remus. "You had that Prefect-ish looking in your eyes,"

Remus gave a tired sigh. "All I was going to say," he began, wearily, "Was that I think you possibly could have humiliated Snape enough for this week, and if you really _have_ to do it, why not opt for a different target…like -"

"…_Gywnham_," James growled suddenly.

"Huh?"

The remaining three Marauders instantly turned to look at James. Their friend had acquired a familiarly livid look in his hazel eyes, behind his round spectacles, which were glinting in the morning sun. James Potter had most likely not heard a word of Remus and Sirius' conversation over the past minute or two, as he was intently watching the progress of two figures making their way across the cobbled road near Dervish and Banges.

One of the figures was Lily Evans, radiant auburn hair shimmering in the sunlight. The other figure, far less radiant, was Gregory Gwynham, the slightly daft Slytherin Seeker whom the Marauder's had only recently put a slug hex on, and whose broomstick, among many others, they had tampered with.

"That's Lily!" gasped Peter. "James, why is she with Gregory Gwynham?"

"If I knew, Peter, I'd tell you," said James, slowly shaking his head.

Sirius stared hard at the two as they stopped for a moment for Gwynham to tie his shoe.

"I'd say Lil's gone loopy, wouldn't you?" he observed. "What in Merlin's name would have possessed her to go out with him? I'm surprised he knows how to tie his shoelaces, let alone ask a girl on a date,"

"They can't be dating," James assured him, but not sounding completely certain himself. He crossed his arms, glaring scathingly down the High road. "She hates him…we saw them the other day, right? She didn't want anything to do with him! We saw them, didn't we? I'll bet those other worms from the Slytherin team pushed her into coming here with him today!"

"Calm down, James," said Remus soothingly. "I'm sure there's a logical explanation,"

"Yeah," Sirius chimed in, putting a friendly arm around James' shoulders, knowing that they had him talking about a sensitive subject. "I know you don't _really_ care what Evans gets up to in her spare time, what _boys_ she sees…"

"I-I don't," stammered James, craning his neck to get a better look at Lily and Gregory Gwynham, as they continued walking, heading towards a side street. "I don't care at all,"

Seconds after he had said this, the couple disappeared from view, and a look of utter anxiety crossed over his face.

"Where do you suppose they're going?"

Sirius shrugged and smirked. "I dunno, Jamesy- for an alleyway snog?"

Clearly, what Sirius had just said was most definitely the wrong thing- James was instantly off at high speed, tearing towards the side street.

"Hey I was JOKING, Potter! JOKING!" Sirius bellowed after him. "Oh, that was a mistake! _James!_"

Sirius, Remus and Peter followed James around the corner by Scrivenshaft's, and stopped, panting. James looked around wildly. Lily and Gwynham were nowhere in sight, but the tinkling of a doorbell drew his attention to a little teashop on his right.

The shop- which was very quaint and homely looking, even from the outside- had a pink heart painted on its white door, and its open windows were home to some very frilly curtains, which were flapping in the soft, pleasant breeze.

The sign above the door read, in cute, curly pink writing "_Madam Puddifoot's Tea Rooms_,"

"Oh no," said Sirius, looking with utmost dread at the sweet little building. "They haven't gone in there, have they?"

"One way to find out," James replied, rolling up his sleeves and creeping up to one of the open windows.

"James…" muttered Remus. "Someone will see you! And it's none of our business, anyway!"

"Seems Prongs has just made it his business," sighed Sirius, watching James peer cautiously around one of the frilly curtains to see inside. He let out a gasp and immediately beckoned the other Marauders over.

The steamy little tearoom was reasonably full, mostly of couples, but not many were seated near the window, and most were far too preoccupied with each other to be worried about 4 nosy 5th year Hogwarts boys peeking in through the frilly curtains at them.

"_There_," James whispered pointing through the curtains towards the far corner of the room. Seated at a table, Lily and Gregory Gwynham were being served tea by a dumpy black haired woman wearing an apron, which seemed to be of the same lacy material as the curtains and tablecloths. Presumably, she was Madam Puddifoot. James gripped the windowsill as Gwynham smiled lopsidedly and pushed the sugar bowl towards Lily, who managed a small smile in return.

"She probably just didn't want to be mean and turn him down," said Remus evenly.

"Well she's looking like she's regretting that now," Sirius pointed out.

Gwynham was attempting to scoot around the table in an effort to be closer to Lily- it wasn't working, however, as Lily was, at the same time, inching her own chair further away from him.

"That's disgusting," mumbled James, watching them in dismay.

"…I can see something even _more_ disgusting," Sirius suddenly moaned. He pointed a trembling finger to the centre of the room.

James, Peter and Remus looked, and wished they hadn't. Seated at a particularly frilly table was none other than caretaker Argus Filch, and Madam Pomfrey, the school nurse. Filch was looking at Madam Pomfrey with a somewhat sappy expression on his pouchy, usually livid face, and Madam Pomfrey kept patting her hair and tittering.

"I told you, didn't I?" said Peter, giggling nervously, as James hid his face in the curtain and Sirius sank down to the pavement looking highly disturbed. "I only just told you the other day that they fancied each other! I _knew _I saw them that day at school, kiss-"

"Will you put a sock in it, Wormtail?" Sirius snapped, beating Peter in the shin with the rolled up copy of _Pranks Monthly_ he had been carrying. "I'm trying to think happy, clean thoughts here! Honestly!"

James and Remus also instantly vacated the window as Filch took Madam Pomfrey's hand and began to lean across the table towards her.

"Ok! Seen too much!" said James, screwing up his eyes, as he and Remus sat down under the windowsill next to Sirius. "Peter, _stop_ looking! You disgust me!"

Peter only tore his eyes away when Sirius grabbed a handful of his cloak and dragged him down to their level.

"It's all very romantic in there," said Remus awkwardly. "I hope Gwynham isn't trying his luck with Lily…"

James visibly paled, wanting to look, but not wanting to catch a glimpse of Filch and Pomfrey's smooch fest in the process.

"Better not be," he growled. "We've got to do something to get her out of there,"

Sirius turned sharply, beaming.

"Ah, so you DO care about her, eh?" he said, dealing James a particularly roguish wink.

James averted his eyes. "Not like _that_," he said. "Er – just – you know – as a fellow Gryffindor. _No one_ deserves to be on a date with that Slytherin dope. If, say, Peter was in there, crammed between the two Bickleford sisters, I'd feel it was my responsibility as a housemate to rescue him too,"

Peter looked wistfully up at James. "Would you?" he murmured.

Sirius ran a hand through his sleek black hair in thought.

"So, for reasons Prongs is all too vague about, we're going to make Gwynham look like a total pratt in front of Lily,"

"More so than he already does," said James. He held out a hand. "Padfoot- got that _Pranks Monthly_ magazine?"

Sirius gladly handed it over and James flicked straight to page 13, drawing his wand. Remus peered over his shoulder.

"You're not going to try _that,_ are you, James?" he asked, gazing down at the magazine.

"Yes indeed," he whispered, skimming over the instructions for the _Underpantus Revealus_ hex. "Nothing says 'idiot' like having your underpants magically appear on your head…"

"What say we get in a few practice shots first, before we unleash it on Gwynham?" suggested Sirius, drawing his wand.

"Target practice…I like your thinking, Padfoot," replied James. "Draw your wands, lads,"

Peter - who already had his out - looked eager to have a go, and though Remus gave a small reluctant sigh as he drew his own, there was a slightly mischievous glint in the Prefect's eyes as he did so.

Warily, the four of them once again peered over the windowsill into Madam Puddifoot's tea rooms, and observed the situation from through the frilly curtains. Luckily for them, nothing too repulsive was going on. Filch and Madam Pomfrey had since been served tea, and were now dreamily buttering scones, and no longer canoodling. It looked as if awkward conversation was taking place at Lily and Gregory Gwynham's table – Lily was nervously stirring her tea, while Gwynham tried to look casual as he slowly snaked his hand across the table towards hers.

"We need to work fast," muttered James.

He glanced down at the instructions in the magazine, then, with determination on his face, aimed his wand at an unsuspecting couple of senior students in one of the back corners. The girl, who was very pretty, with long wavy blonde hair, bent down to get something out of her bag which sat next to her on the floor, leaving her date to continue gazing at her, absolutely smitten.

Sirius poked James in the arm. "Do it now!" he hissed.

"Here goes nothing," said James, taking a deep breath. Focusing all his attention on the love struck senior student, he waved his wand once to the left, then to the right, and followed with a sharp flick as he whispered _"Underpantus Revealus!"_

Anyone would imagine that a curse involving underpants would no doubt be amusing, but even the four Marauders couldn't brace themselves enough for the outcome of this one. With a rather comical _'PING'_, a pair of blue stripey underpants appeared on the first victim's head.

He didn't appear to notice, and was still grinning stupidly as his beautiful blonde partner straightened up in her chair again. Completely unaware of the underwear, he managed a cheesy grin when he saw her looking at him with a look of wild bewilderment on her face.

Clearly his beautiful blonde partner didn't care for his childish brand of humour, and promptly slapped him before grabbing her handbag and storming off towards the door.

James, Sirius and Peter bent double with laughter, and even Remus tried to hide his smile, as the poor boy, clutching his cheek in pain and confusion while his stripey underpants slid down over one eye, seemed to be more concerned that his girlfriend had stormed out, rather than the fact that his underpants had magically appeared on his head.

"WAIT, Sally!" he called, staggering out from behind the table and chasing her out through the door, and down the street and past the Marauders. "I'm sorry! Really! I don't know how they got there! I didn't do it!"

"You're so immature, Wilfred!" came the distant, teary holler of his girlfriend from somewhere down the road.

It took James and Sirius a considerable amount of weeping and trying to straighten up from laughter before they could tackle someone else in the tea rooms, without making too much noise.

"I think I need to go and hug Zonko," said Sirius, wiping his eyes, "This is quite possibly the most classic and satisfying hex I've ever seen!"

"Your turn Padfoot!" grinned James. "It's easy! Picture it happening, then wave once, twice and flick!"

Sirius nodded, and then gained a rather devious grin when he clapped eyes on Filch and Pomfrey. He seemed to make up his mind about whom their next target would be.

Without hesitation, Sirius whispered the incantation and let it do its job.

Filch, who was just leaning in to give Madam Pomfrey a peck on one of her rosy cheeks, was suddenly presented with a droopy old pair of large, off white underpants which materialised on his head with a _'PING!'_. He only noticed when he was in mid-kiss, as one of the draw strings fell into his eyes.

The Marauders sniggered and ducked out of view as Filch stood up in astonishment and looked around for the culprit, while Madam Pomfrey looked to be fighting back the giggles herself.

"Alright, where's the little trollop who's done this, then!" he bellowed. Calling out in such a manner was probably not the wisest thing for Argus Filch to do- when one has underpants on one's head, the last thing one would normally want to do would be to draw any more attention to oneself. Filch's angry query did just that, and captured the attention of every other couple in the shop. The Marauders heard a great wave of chuckles arising from inside the tea rooms. Sirius fell limply on the pavement in silent hysterics.

"Oh, this is good!" observed James, before doing the hex twice more to a couple of nervous looking third years somewhere in the middle. With two more _'PINGS!'_, the girl let out a shriek when she realised her own pink knickers were now stretched over her head, and the boy let out an bewildered cry when his boxer shorts (a slightly lighter shade of pink than his partner's) appeared on his own head, slipping down over his eyes. The fact that his underpants were indeed, pink, seemed to numb the feeling of shock to his date, and instead she started to laugh hysterically.

"Can I have a go, James?" pleaded Peter, bobbing up and down with excitement. "Please let me have a go!"

"Don't mess it up, Pete!" warned James, as Peter peered through the frilly curtain and vaguely aimed his wand.

"_Underpantus Revealus!"_ he whispered, a little unsurely.

'_PING!'_

This time it was Madam Puddifoot herself who fell subject to the jinx. Tottering through the tightly packed in tables with a tray of raison scones, she suddenly realised that her own large puffy bloomers had appeared over her head. Frilly and white, like the tablecloths and curtains, the legs of them flopped over her ears, making her look like an odd sort of rabbit.

Filch stared at her in shock, while Madam Puddifoot herself found it quite amusing, and began to titter.

"Well this is odd!" she warbled. Filch threw her a contemptuous glance as he angrily whipped his own off his head and stuffed them into his coat, looking mortified, as Madam Pomfrey looked on, smiling and blushing as she sipped her tea.

"Wormtail, you never cease to amaze me!" gasped Sirius, goggling down at his short, mousy haired friend. He turned his attention on Remus, who was watching the chaos unfold in the tearooms with a slightly amused look on his face. "Come on Moony- if Pratt-of-the-year Pete can do it, I'm sure you can, eh?"

"Me?" asked Remus, taken aback. "I don't know…"

"Go on, Rem," said James with a wink. "We've practised enough- get Gwynham, quickly!"

Remus looked uneasy, staring at the ground and shaking his head. He hesitated.

"James-"

"Come on! Go for it!"

Remus sighed and then gave a nod. "Allright,"

"That's my boy!" cried Sirius.

Somewhat shakily, he pointed his wand through the net curtain in the direction of Gwynham, and, not being able to look, covered his eyes with his hand before muttering the hex.

'_PING!'_

Remus Lupin had hit his target dead on. As he slowly uncovered his eyes, and the other three peered in, they saw exactly what they wanted to see- and undoubtedly, it was the best yet. Gregory Gwynham, the sleazy Slytherin dope who had no doubt been forced into taking Lily out on a date…was now sitting rigidly at his table with a pair of small, blue y-front underpants on his head, bearing a little cartoon Puffskein on them. As he slowly reached up a hand to feel exactly what it was that was gripping his head so tightly, the colour rose in his cheeks and he began to look wildly around the room. Lily, it seemed, was suffering greatly as she tried to stop herself laughing, but it wasn't working, and after a moment or two of trying desperately to contain herself, she let out a loud snort and started giggling madly.

Gwynham, thick as he was, wasn't seeing the funny side. He didn't seem to like being laughed at, and tried to muster a look of maturity (though it didn't really work, with his underpants on his head). The next thing the Marauders saw, Lily was taking a few sickles out of her pocket to pay for the tea and placing them on the table, before standing up, and leaving a very perplexed, annoyed and highly humiliated Gregory Gwynham to ponder what he'd done wrong, and why in the name of Merlin his knickers had materialised on his head.

James beamed.

"That," said Sirius, also grinning, "is the most fun I've had since…"

"Yesterday?" suggested Remus, grinning as he tucked his wand back under his cloak.

The tinkle of the door signalled Lily was leaving the tearoom.

"Quickly!" hissed James. The four friends darted around the corner of the shop, out of site, just as Lily Evans – looking happier than ever to be rid of Gregory Gwynham – strolled past, fastening her cloak, her wavy auburn hair bouncing as she walked.

"Do you think…she was going to leave anyway?" asked Peter. "I mean, without our help?"

"We gave her an outlet," shrugged James, stepping out into the street, once Lily had gone. "Only way to get away from someone him is to leg it at a chance where he's not so dominating, and feeling uncomfortable…"

"Uncomfortable is the word, did you see how tight those underpants were?" chuckled Sirius, and the others laughed.

However,the Marauderswould not have been laughing if they had known that they were about to be rudely interrupted by someone they definitely did not want to see.

From a few metres away from Madam Puddifoot's behind them, a voice suddenly hooked their attention.

"It _is_ you,"

James, Remus, Sirius and Peter's faces' froze, and as they spun around, they were filled with dread.

Standing before them in the backstreet was none other than Severus Snape, wearing a twisted look of shock and accomplishment on his pasty face.

"I knew all along," he said, in a trembling and triumphant voice. "I knew it was you behindall those immature pranks at school,"

His eyes fleetingly flew to Madam Puddifoot's, then he looked back on the Marauders, leering horribly at them through curtains of lank black hair.

"I saw it _all_,"

**

* * *

Uh oh...the boys have been caught out. Must thank the lovely Ceyxa for the original 'underwear exposure' idea. I just gave it a little tweaking! Hope you folks liked it. Gwynham's a bit of a boring character, I know, but please don't complain if he seems underdeveloped, lol. He is actually very real in my mind, as I unfortunately know someone EXACTLY like him, who I've had the same trouble with lately. Ugh. Pray you don't meet anyone like him, my dears… sleazy jerk!**

**More from me soon. Stay tuned!**


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